05/29/2013 at 11:30 AM

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this type of predicament. I am married and have a three-year-old daughter and a wonderful and supportive husband.
My parents are wonderful and kind people and they babysit my daughter while my husband and I work during the week. We visit my in-laws every two weekends.
Since we've gotten married there have been tensions between my in-laws and my mother and father, mostly my mother since she is an honest and outspoken person (with reason). My inlaws are nice people but if I look at them and judge them, I do not trust them too much. My mother-in-law is a calculating but nice on the surface type of person. My father-in-law the same. We all get along but my MIL occasionally throws verbal shots to show off or to pump up her family (of which have had financial problems in the past--but she makes it sound she's perfect)and then tries to diminish my family. These occasional shots bother my mother, father (and I also) a lot. I do not ever want to leave my daughter with her in the future for babysitting..she's the type that would talk to her to make themselves sound better and would say nice things to my daughter to make her like them. My mother's instinct doesn't trust this woman at all. Another reason I wouldn't want to leave my daughter is that her live at home son (48 years old) (who is also financially supporting them) is a loner, is on the computer all the time in the basement when he's not working during the week and doesn't have friends. On the surface he's nice but another mother's instinct doesn't trust him 100% either. I wonder why he doesn't have a social life etc.. and I don't like it. I'm social and an open personality so I'm not comfortable with it. His mother STILL controls him and tells him what to do up to when he should rest during the week or what he should do. He's a well-educated man and intelligent ... so just brainwashed.
All this to give you a brief backgrounder. This summed up plus little spats the last 5 years we've known them have accumulated and have caused even more dislike and discomfort with my husband's family. My mother then keeps telling me every week how she dislikes them .. I respond that there is nothing I can do about it. My parents keep being kind (diplomatic) with them and they (my inlaws) still occasionally lack tact and diplomacy, they have no savoie-faire .. but my parents try to keep cool for my and my relationship's sake. Occasionally their dislike also manifests itself in how they react with my husband. The situation makes it stressful but thank God my husband and I have been handling it well. My husband has had financial troubles in the past and i married him with a fairly large debt .. which we're almost paying off. We love each other and we generally all get along ... but the underlying tension and negative feelings make me stressed internally and make it hard to maintain an even feeling towards my husband too (even though on the surface it doesn't show.) I just equate him with being related to his family who I don't truly love or like very much. My mother and father are right with their feelings and occasional manifestations in their regard - I think deep down this will never go away. I don't want to get to the point of breaking all ties and not getting together for family celebrations etc. specially for my daughter's sake. There is no visible tension .. so I'm not concerned about any yelling, discords infront of my child .. but I am concerned about how my parent's feelings towards my husband too can sometimes come out. It's all a linked situation. My husband is a nice and giovial person but he's also honest and on occasion (very rare) he does answer in a direct way if he doesn't like something with my parents (or anyone for that matter)-he's kind of like my mother's personality.... which after an open-type comment comes out it then begins a few days of not talking between my parents and him. Then it blows over and the underlying current of dislike between my parents and his parents continues. It's a cycle I wish didn't exist. All this to ask if anyone out there has a similar situation. I need to share these experiences with someone to have some sort of outstide family/close friend support as it's driving me nuts! Thanks for listening to my rambling!!