MIL Problem - FamilyEducation
MIL Problem
01/08/2011 at 09:32 AM

Need help/opinions!!My MIL is driving me insane. We have three small children a 3 yr old boy and twin 1.5 yr old girls. She and I have fought many time about the kids. She will call and ask just for our son and he is to the age where he does not want to go. Or he wants his sisters to come along. We asked him if he wanted to go and he said only if his sisters could. Then that started a wat. She said (of course) that she was not going to take all 3. She lives 15 mintues from us and may have the kids for a total of 2 hrs a month. But yet she gets mad when her sister watches the kids for us to go out or pretty much anytime we ask. When we ask my MIL she always has plans. She send me a text just a few days ago saying that I am just mean because I dont force my son to spend time with her. I know that it is important for him to know that there are other people who love and care for him..and he does. But when it come to staying with her he cries and just doesent want to do it. Its not like that with anyone else. I know that she is not mean to him. When she was told that we werent making him go she replied well the next time he doesnt want to pick up his toys you cant make him because he doesnt want to. In the same text as all that she tells me that I am nothing to her and that she has no good feelings for me. Then sends her son one saying that she hopes that he is happy. Heres the thing. She has txted my husband and asked for the kids to go to her house for the day. What should I do? I just want to say no. I just feel that if she has those negative feelings about me I dont want her saying anything of the sort in front of my children. My children will have their own opinion of me they dont need her imput. I am just at a loss. This is not the first blow up. When our son was just a few months old she spit on my car windsheild because my son had been crying in her home and she was holding him. She couldnt get him to calm down because he wanted me and was sleepy. So I took him. I felt as if I had given her plenty of time to try. So I told my husband that it was time to go because when I walked my son into another room I heard her call me a b***ch. So we left and she didnt like it so she spit on my car because I wouldnt get out. I just dont know what to do. I do not want to try and force her to "like" me but at the same time I am not sure if it is emotionally stable for them. Any help would be great.

It sounds like your MIL has resented you for a long time. Since she is so close by, it would be wonderful if your children could have a lovely grandma relationship, but I don't know if it is a good idea. Since she is so negative about you, she might add trouble to your relationship with your kids. I would say No to the whole day with the kids. However, this is my idea for seeing if you can fix things. Write a snail-mail note (and keep a copy) that says you want your kids to love their grandma, and if she would like to come over and bake cookies with your son on Tuesday at 3:30 (for example), then that would be wonderful. You keep yourself busy with the twins, and see how that goes.

Mriley, these are your children, not hers. Go with your instinct. Why is your husband not telling his mother to back off? I wouldn’t allow my children around her until she can learn to treat you with some common respect. It’s one thing to dislike someone, but it is another to spit at them and call them a b@$ch. Not only would I not allow her around my kids, I would let her know why. Yes, it’s nice for the kids to know that there are people out there that love them, but I’m sure she is not the only one. Stand your ground and use the word “No” more often with her. Do not get in to the habit of feeling like you have to explain yourself, or make an excuse to explain your decisions. I know the economy sucks right now, but ever give any thought to moving?

I agree with the other poster sweetie. I'm all for Grandparent/Grandchildren together time. But ONLY when the Grandparents show respect and kindness for the parents. Your husband needs to back you up and tell his Mom to chill. I sure understand you not wanting that kind of temper around your babies. Let alone a grown woman who can't control her mouth. God gave Mommies that "Gut" feeling for a reason. Listen to it hun. And don't second guess yourself. You are their Mother. Your word is final!