I don't want to go another recital! - FamilyEducation
I don't want to go another recital!
05/27/2010 at 15:44 PM

I have a terrific granddaughter. She's 5 years old and lives in my community. Her mother (my daughter-in-law) is great and has her involved in many things, including a dance class. Now it's time for Granddaughter's recital, and I don't want to go!

I love to play with my granddaughter and when we are together, it's very special. But I am not a "spectator" grandparent. I am not interested in sitting in a dark auditorium, watching 2 hours of other little girls dancing on a stage, so I can see my granddaughter for 3 minutes. What a waste of 1 hour and 57 minutes!!

Part of the joy of grandparenting is that I don't 'have to' do all those things that parents have to do. Am I the only grandparent that doesn't like to sit through these boring, limited-talent productions?

Now, before you write me off as an uninvolved, self-centered grandma...stop. I love to be with my grandchildren. "WITH" them, not watching them from a balcony. I am HANDS-ON. Lots of wrestling, playing, exploring, cuddling, reading, etc. This is the ONLY thing I'm not interested in participating in!

Feedback welcome!

I understand not wanting to go to those things, I didn't really want to go as a parent to some of them. But...the thing is it isn't really about you and what interests you--it is about how your granddaughter feels about seeing you there and feeling your support. We all have activities that we prefer to do but sometimes showing someone that you love and support them involves going and sitting through something they are interested in and involved in--just think about what it means to her to see you watching her, being there afterwards, etc Marti http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

I don't think you are a terrible person. You should try to go to at least some of these recitals though. Like Marti said, what is important is that your granddaughter sees you there and feels supported.

Problem solved! I will be attending the final dress rehearsal instead! My granddaughter will actually know I' m there -- as opposed to sitting in a darkened audience with 500 other people. You see, I've been to these before. There are too many people and we really don't see each other. Also, I agree it's not about "me" at all, which is the deeper meaning of my frustration. I think my granddaughter could be taught that it's not always about "her". Sometimes Grandma isn't going to come to an event ....and it DOESN'T mean I'm not supportive! I guess that's a generational difference. Thanks for the feedback.

Good solution and decision! Have a great time with your granddaughter at the dress rehearsal!

I think that is a great solution. I will have to agree to disagree with you about the child needing to be taught it is not all about her. Children have plenty of opportunity to be taught that it is not all about them, on a daily basis in their schools and in their families. However, her dance recital is about her and I believe that children need to know that you support them and are there for them in the things that really matter to them. There are lots of events that don't matter but things like this do matter to children. (As far as whether it is generational or not, I guess I would have to know your age to know that but I am guessing I am not that much younger than you and I see it as a support issue) My mother died when my daughter was only 6 and my daughter has missed out on her being at all her special events. You are so lucky to be here and be able to attend those events, perhaps you could look at it as a great opportunity instead of a burden. Marti http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

I remember as a kid my grandparents NEVER came to my recitals - however they were the ones picking me up from school so it was very upsetting.