Granddaughters father wont go away - FamilyEducation
Granddaughters father wont go away
11/30/2010 at 14:46 PM

about 6 year ago my daughter met a man through computer, she visit him a number of time in UK where he live, on one visit she became pregnant and they had plan to marry, very sadly my daughter miscarry baby at 3 months and my daughter came home to florida where we live.
We are hardworking jewish immigrant family from Russia and I was sad too because I had no grandchildren,
Some time passed maybe 2 month then my daughter visit this man again and she got pregnant aagain almost immediately but as soon as she test positive she came home to florida and she never been back to see this man, the man is in early fifties and my daughter is middle thirties and he is a catgolic which upset me a great deal as we are strict jewish, my daughter cut all contact with this man but he still write and send gifts for my granddaughter who is now 4 yr old,
I want this man out of our life but he keep getting in touch, we destroy the gifts he send but he wont get the message, 3 yr ago he had heart bypass and both me and daughter prayed he would die but he survive, i do not know what to do it is spoiling things for us

I really don't understand this. Please talk to your rabbi about what relationship you should have with the father of your grandchild. Praying that he will die, when your daughter had consensual sex with him, repeatedly, does not seem to me to be what your religion would require.

You can't make the child's father go away. He's legally, biologically and from the looks of things emotionally attached to the child - and no judge is gonna give you a restraining order because the man is Catholic and you don't want him near your daughter. I suppose you could try and prove that the man isn't your granddaughter's father, but that would only serve to upset the situation more - and there's also the fact that your daughter has had consensual sex with this man enough to get pregnant twice. I have to question your motives with this. Isn't it better for the four-year-old to have ties to her father, instead of being alienated from him? I've lived with the results of something similar happening; I got through it, but that's not to say that I'd wanna do it again if I had the choice. It's not just you and your daughter that's involved now - it's an innocent child who deserves a relationship with her father, if only a peripheral one.

From you post, sounds like your daughter was using this man in order to have a child and provide you with a grandchild. This father deserves to have as close as possible of a relationship with his child. What are you going to do when she asks about her father? What will you do when she searches for her father and finds out, which will be very easy for her to do, that you kept her father from her? Keeping his daughter from him will cause this girl to resent your daughter and you very much. Please take the advice given, talk to your Rabbi about your feelings before you ruin your future relationship with this man's daughter. She deserves to know her father and how much he cares about her before it is possibly too late.

I don't know if you meant your post to offend? But I was! I have 4 grown Sons and 2 are Fathers. They would NEVER forget or leave their children alone. What a horrible thing to Pray your Grand Daughters Father would die. As someone else suggested you need to talk to someone at your church! I believe you are mixed up!

You call yourself a strict Jew in the same post where you talk about praying for this man, your granddaughter’s father, to die. The level of hypocrisy you exhibit is alarming, and also comical. This father is not trying to be in YOUR life, he is trying to be in HIS daughter’s life. I hope that the father is contacting an attorney here in the US. Check grandparents rights in Florida, there are none; this is between the mother and father. It makes no difference that you are a hard working family or not, what matters is that this child has a right to know her father. It does not matter that she carried the child for 9 months, in the eyes of the law they are both parents of the child, and equal. Judges do not like third party interference where child custody is concerned. At some point this child will grow and have questions. I hope she looks hard enough to find the truth. No matter how you try to hide behind your religion, you expose yourself to be an evil person.

I wonder if this lady is a troll--her spelling is perfect except for typos, so she didn't spell-check, and her syntax sounds like a playwright wrote it to sound like a non-English speaker.

Not sure if she is a troll or not. I have found that she has written this almost same exact post on several other blogs. I did notice in other blogs she did not use the same broken english.

Sad that if this post is for real, this "grandmother" is trying to find someone to validate her feelings. In my professional experience, have heard the same feelings expressed, which is why I made the reply when this was first posted. Many people use a man as a "sperm doner", then do whatever they can to shut the father out of the child's life.

But I find it encouraging that she did not find validation in the responses here. Although there may have been some who agreed with her but did not post, in this forum you would be free to do so without any fear.