Confused Parent - FamilyEducation
Confused Parent
08/15/2009 at 00:17 AM

I would appreciate anyone to share their insight of experiences with me.

I have a 5 year old son who will be entering kindergarten this month and I think he is very smart just like many other children I read about in this forum. He reads very well his favorite is Thomas and Friends, but he is starting the magic tree house books. He does math additon and subtraction. He is doing double digit math with carrying and borrowing. He is starting multiplication. He is writing extremely well with full sentences with appropriate endmarks. He spells well and is very analytical. I don't want to sound like I am bragging but you get the picture.

My problem is that I am worried because he is very competative with everything especially learning. I cannot keep up with him and I am afraid I am not being the best parent. He is so competative that I only show him once how to do something and he will refuse help so that he can do it himself. After I show him anything he will not allow me to help. If I try, because I see he is having trouble he will get mad and ask that I stop. He is like that with everything.

He can not read music but plays cute short songs many that are childhood favorites other he make up. But they sound cute. They are simple but enjoyable.

When we do arts and crafts his average nothing spectacular.

He plays well with other children and is very socially mature for his age. I have no worries there.

What can I do to help him stop being so competative. I thing it stresses him out when he does not perform perfect on things. If he is not perfect in a game, video game,cleaning, anything he gets upset. I talk to him over and over. But he just wants to be so smart and perfect. I don't know how this happened and I am worried.

I think I need to mention he does not have any behavioral issues. He is well behaved for his age. He is compassionate and caring. He is an excellent big brother to his two younger sisters.

I worry what will he be like in school.

He makes me teach him everyday.I enjoy it and we have fun. We go on a lot of trips and learning in many different ways. But I am not hesistant because he seems obsessed. Am I doing something wrong?

Your son is: smart, compassionate, caring, musically inclined, socialable & independent after being shown a task? Sounds like there is hope for the future!! I think once he starts school, his peers will help him with his competitive nature. Some people are that way, as long as he learns to deal effectively with disappointment, I don't see any problem with being competitive. You are definitely doing something right with the raising of your children! Thank you! Carol Crosby, MN

My daughter is 10 and has been competive since the day she was born. I just had to keep working with and telling her that as long as she does her best that is all that matters. She has won alot of medals so not winning is a huge issue. It took until she was 9 years old for it to finally sink in. She is a competive ice skater and in one competition she took a fourth place and everyone including her coach and other coaches thought she should of been 2nd if not 1st. Other coaches want her coach to contest it but my daughter said "NO, I know inside that I skated my routine the best that I ever did and that is all that matters." She went on to say" It just wasn't what the judges wanted but there is always next year." That was a huge turning point, and we were all very proud of her for the attitude she had and it made her 4th place even more special that day. It comes with maturity and having parents reassuring kids like ours that it is okay to lose and ask for help. I am not saying it has been easy, there has been many tears and yelling on my daughter's part but working it through with her and simply reassuring her that the world wil not come to an end if she does something incorrect. I also would point out to her my mistakes that I might do at work and that seemed to help alot. Hope this helps!

It sounds like your son is gifted. It's nice to hear that he's eager to learn new things, and I think it's a good thing that he wants to attempt things himself. I wld continue to give him many new opportunities to learn and grow. This can be done by going places, and seeing and doing, rather than just using textbooks. Continue to challenge your child b/c he's very smart and he wants to learn. Work w/ the school (maybe they have an advanced program for gifted and talented students) so he doesn't get bored and frustrated. You're lucky to have such an eager child who wants to learn. Seek out his interests, and go w/ them. If he's competitive, let him compete in the areas he enjoys and does well in. Also, avoid those areas less challenging to him. Your son will be very successful this way. Good luck!

Thank you both, sometimes it really helps to get outside opinions. I really appreciate it.

Keep in mind that some amount of being competitive is good. Every successful person is very competitive or would not be successful.

I am 14 and am "gifted" i guess. I skipped a grade and still maintain a 4.0 in school. I have always been extremely competitive, I feel horrible if I get a bad-anything but an A in a class or don't do well in sports. Sometimes I do beat myself up but it gets me far in life. I am setting myself up for college. When I really just stop and think about life I am really happy with what I have done. The competition isn't I sucked athough it may seem that way it is I can do better and eventualy I do get it perfect. After I achieve one thing I push harder. As long as he does not be mean or over competitive toward anyone but himself I think it is not a problem