We will soon be moving into my FIL's home-big problems as a result of this
06/08/2010 at 20:00 PM

Hello-I'm in desperate need of advice here please!! Here's my situation:

My husband has been ill with various health problems for a few years now, which has taken a toll on us all and has made our lives very difficult and horrific, especially the last 4 months. Prior to this, he was very healthy, and we were enjoying life in a rural town in our beautiful house that has lots of property and privacy. We bought this house in 2002,our first home, and have been very happy here, especially since the birth of our daughter in 2004. This house has everything we need, and we thought we would be here for many more years.

Fast forward to now-over the last year, my Husband's health has started to get worse. So much so that he decided he no longer wanted to do the commute to and from work(50 miles one way)and told me we had to possibly sell the house so that he could be closer to his job. Of course I was devastated.

My sweet, generous 80 year old FIL has been widowed since 2007. He currently lives in his 60 year old home with my 43 year old BIL, who is severely depressed,and depends on my FIL to support him. This house also happens to be my Hubby's childhood home. My FIL is well off, and has had no mortgage for many years now. This home is in a great Suburban neighborhood where all of the homes for sale are sought after. He had been in the process of selling his home last year, as it has become too much for him to maintain.

When my Hubby's health started to get really bad earlier this year, my FIL approached us with an offer to sell our home, and then buy his home from him, at half of the houses's total worth, so that my Hubby could be closer to his job (10 minute commute). Obviously, this shocked me, as I have never felt comfortable in his house (very run down, smallish yard with close neighbors, no storage/basement space, very dirty, bad odor and lots to maintain). My Hubby obviously jumped at this opportunity-and rightly so-even though I was never once considered in this decision at all. My Hubby's feeling is that he is the one who works-so we need to do what we can to make his job easier for him everyday, namely by eliminating his commute. I couldn't disagree with him about this, So we reluctantly put our house up for sale.

Fortunately, considering the bad housing market, we have managed to sell our home-we are closing on July 15th, and then moving into my FIL's home. My FIL has taken an apartment with my BIL not too far from where we will be, (but this is a very difficult life change for him as he has so many memories in his home). He has told us that we can live in his home for a trial year mortgage free, without the financing-he even wants to pay the taxes-to get ourselves out of debt, but mainly to see how my Hubby's health is going to be, and to make sure he will be able to continue to work and not have to go on disability. He has said that we can live there forever if we want-but at some point, if my Hubby stays healthy, we have to finance the house to make it fair to the other 3 siblings, who will all make a $100,000 profit each when we buy the house. We get no money out of this-our portion of the money is being deducted from the price of the house, which will make it affordable for us to buy when the time comes. I guess this is the fairest deal my FIL could make to keep everyone happy.

My two SIL's (who I always got along with, and like very much)are seemingly not too happy about this arrangement-they know it's the right move for our family due to my Hubby's health, but they have both told me that we have to finance the house, and soon-that my FIL was depending on that money for his long term care (which he already has). I think the real issue here is that their money will be in limbo as long as we are living there for free-even though neither of them really need it. (both well off with healthy and gainfully employed spouses). My FIL told me that he has plenty of other money put aside to take care of both my SIL's, but I'm unsure if either of them are aware of this fact.

Now because of this, I feel very uncomfortable by having to live in this house soon, even though my Hubby tells me that this issue is between his Sisters and his Father,that his Father knows what he is doing. My Hubby wants no involvement in any of this-and he has asked me to stay out of it, that my FIL will handle this situation.

To futher complicate things, My SIL's are both scrambling to empty the house by July 15th of 50 years worth of my FIL's furniture, belongings, etc., and they both told me there is no way it all can be done by the time we move in-so we basically have to move into the house with all of our stuff, even though there will be a lot of my FIL's belongings left in the house. I told my Hubby if my FIL had sold his house to a stranger, he would have had to clear it out anyway-so I can't understand why it's such a problem to get done before we move in.

This whole thing is a mess, and I apologize if I sound more than a little mean or selfish here. I understand that my FIL has really helped us out,even though we didn't ask for any of this, but I will always feel a sense of obligation, and I will never feel comfortable living in his house. It will never feel like my own. I will also wonder if my SIL's are secretly resentful of us because of the fact that we are tying up their money or taking advantage of their goodhearted father.

Any thoughts or opinions about this situation would be appreciated-sorry this was so long!!

D