Toxic Grandmother - FamilyEducation
Toxic Grandmother
02/25/2011 at 20:21 PM

I have kind of an odd situation....I have been living alone and several states away from my entire immediate family for over ten years.

A few months ago I was in an accident and my mother came to stay with me while I was recoverying. I decided I missed being around my mom and she missed being at her home, so we decided to work out a deal where I could financially afford to move back "home."

The plan was for me to stay at my parents house until I was recovered enough to look for work. The plan was going fine until we arrived at my parents house and something in the house....mold or paint fumes or I don't know caused me to have severe breathing difficulties. Not knowing what else to do and against my protests otherwise, my mom asked my grandmother, who lives next door, to let me stay with her and at grandma's insistence they moved me in with her.

No one in my family has ever had a good relationship with grandma. I'm not sure anyone, anywhere ever has for that matter. She is manipulative, controlling, nosey, deceiptful and in particular has made many attempts to drive a wedge between me and my mom and even me and my grandfather. She has always been very resentful of my relationship with the two of them.

Aside from those issues, I just do not like the woman. She is loud and obnoxious, never shuts up and thinks she knows it all and will not allow you to have a private conversation with anyone if she is in ear shot.

Predictably, she is driving me insane. She keeps track of everything I, sleep, even how often I go to the bathroom and comments on it constantly. I can't enter or exit a room without her annoucing it. She comes in my bedroom uninvited multiple times a day, in spite of numerous requests not to do so. She gets mad because I don't want to spend all day every day with her, but instead of asking me why she pesters my mother about it.

She pretty much has to be the center of attention all the time and gets very resentful if I spend any alone time with my mom without inviting her.

I am not yet ready to return to work. My parents have managed to clean up the problem at their house so that I could stay there now and I desperately would like to, but I know grandma would go ballastic and launch into another of her nobody loves me tirades if I did so.

I don't want to be mean to her, but how do you tell someone who won't let anything just be that you can't stand to be around them without hurting their feelings?

Should I invent some excuse that doesn't involve her? I know if I tell her I want to move out she will ask why and keep picking and picking and picking until she gets what she wants...drama, attention, and another reason everyone should feel sorry for her and I just don't want to deal with it.

But I don't think I can make it here until I can get my own place either....

Move back into your parents home. Your grandmother is going to be a miserable person either way, at least you will have privacy and some peace. Do not allow her to control your life and decisions.

I agree with stepmom, your grandmother sounds a miserable old bat and nothing will please her. Time to think of yourself.

The original plan was for you to live with your parents--you don't have to make an excuse. "Grandma, we'll be moving out next Thursday" Grandma says, "Why, isn't my house good enough for you?" You say, "We really appreciate that you have given us a roof over our heads. Thank you!" Big hug, get packed up and leave, make sure you leave the place spotless, and send a big thank-you bouquet.

living with parents is always a good example.