So many problems, don't know WHERE to begin. - FamilyEducation
So many problems, don't know WHERE to begin.
08/03/2008 at 22:42 PM

This is some pretty intense stuff. It isn't happening to me directly, but it is coming to me through my fiance's family.

My Fiance's sister has always been very emotional. She's 16, and we usually just wrote her emotions off as she's an emotional person, and did our best to be a big brother (and sister) to her for the past few years. I was letting her use my extra cell phone with her mom's permission. I got the phone bill in the mail one day, and then took the phone away from her. As I work for the company that I have the phone from I looked up my detailed billing.

Turns out she's been calling people in CA, MO, FL, MN, AL...all over. At all times of the night. After we confront her with this she says she's part of some 'phone-sex' ring and all these teens she knows are doing it. So you all know, she is also a notorius, compulsive liar.

A lot of unpleasant stuff is found out and her mom sent her over to another relative for the day and began to look through her room. She found a letter from a sexual abuse organization about getting an STD test. She confronts the sister then, and his sister says she was raped by a man with a ski mask almost two years ago and wanted to get tested.

So they tell the cops, and we hear the story. It's quite full of holes, and no matter how much we wished we could believe her we couldn't, though we never told her this. A day or two later she says that indeed, she was lying. That she had sex with one of the guys from her phone sex ring and was worried. To tell us she was raped she had lied to a pastor, cop, and her best friend, because she had heard if you said it was rape she could get tested for free.

A big break down and make up happens. IN the meantime, we found out she had bought another PREPAID phone. She said she told her best friend to send it in an envelope back to the company, who recycles them. We smelled this as BS, my fiance and I, but again only let his mother know our suspicions. She was sent over to a relative's house for a few more days, and they dug around in her room.

Suicide/Run away letters were found, and a lot of explicit things. His mother confronted her best friend, and her best friend assumed that she had run away and told her mother that the prepaid phone wasn't sent out, but she didn't have it. So off they went at 5am after figuring out that she had the cellphone still. They got it from her then, and I helped her go into the phone, as the mother's not so good with tech.

Turns out now she's been telling her cousins and friends (and many boyfriends) that she's being beaten and abused at home, is sending very nasty and erotic pictures to men on her phone, and is generally a completely different person than any one of us thought. We're thinking possibly even schizoid.

The topper of all of this is she came home today, and her mother's not sure what to do. She doesn't want to leave her to her own devices, but she needs to work all day long. The first thing this girl did when she came home is demand that she deserves to listen to her music (Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, et all. I like these guys, but with whatever's going on in her head her mother doesn't want her listening to that), how she has no right to go through her phone, and her things.

We're all at our wit's end at this point. My fiance is absolutely furious that his little sister has no regard for the pain she's causing, even though she's been made aware of this over and over. I hate to see the family so torn apart, but there's little to be done. Counselling session's set up, but she's most likely going to lie to them to. If this girl is willing to lie to her mother, brother, sister, future sister-in-law, aunt, friends, pastor, and a policeman?

Why NOT lie to a counsiler?

At this age, most kids are somewhat "BiPolar" from puberty...BUT sometimes the "HIGH" of the BiPolar person is acted out sexually and somewhat as you describe. I hate to go further and explain that Schizophrenia can appear at this age in a similar fashion. Having said all that, I would simply suggest that you have her evaluated. What she says she is doing is definitely illegal so a police officer may work. A high-school psychologist or on-campus police officer could be a first contact also now that school approaches again. [I have BiPolar kids and a Schizophrenic parent. I have had to do some research on these...for the record.]

This is a scary situation to say the least. Your fiance's mom needs to step in and take serious action before it's too late. All privileges need to be taken away from this girl, and she needs to enter counceling. She also needs to be monitored by a responsible adult (I understand her mom works, so if not her, someone else who is trustworthy and reliable). This girl shld also be evaluated by a dr, especially if she is leaving suicide notes. She shld also get STD and AIDS testing if infact she did have sex. She may need to be put on medication to control her emotions and sudden impulses. Her behavior is spiraling out of control, and until someone takes action, she will only continue to go down hill. This girl needs to be educated about the consequences of her actions if she continues down this path. She also needs a positive role model in her life to help set her straight. If there is no family member or close friend that can fill this role, then maybe this girl can join a youth group or other social organization that deals w/ troubled teens and their issues. Even staying active, whether it be in sports or other activities of interest, cld help this girl stay focused on bettering herself and keep her out of trouble. Her mother needs to know where she is at all times. If her daughter is not where she says she is, her mother needs to be notified by a person in charge. This girl needs to learn that lying and abusing her privileges are not ok, and that there will always be negative consequences for her actions. Take this one step at a time. I pray that your fiance's sister and the rest of your family remain strong through this difficult time. I wish you all well.

I appreciate the help so far -- his sister has been under constant surveillance since this point, and before this. She remained with all her things taken away and was taken back from her grandmother's place on Monday. On Monday, all seemed fine. But on Tuesday, when the counseling session was attended, she as expected began denying the things her mother was telling the counselor and lying again. And, as of Wednesday, another text message was found on her phone. When she was staying with her grandma, she stole 40.00 out of her purse and lied, saying it was money from her birthday last month. At this point, there's really nothing for us to punish her with. Her mother feels like she's just gone through a period of mourning, because the daughter she thought she had known. Either way, she's staying with her aunt for now for lack of any idea of what to do. We appreciate any and all advice that can be given. Thank you so much!

Any idea what the counselor thought? Not unusual to deny all at that point. Mother should continue to go to counseling even if daughter refuses.

I agree. You shld all continue counceling. Maybe try both family and individual. Maybe this girl will open up to the therapist if her mother's not in the same room. Then later the therapist can offer better advice based on her findings. In addition, this girl shld have no access to her phone or to anyone else's belongings. If she's still sneaking her phone, remove it from her possession permanently. Also don't leave any $$ or credit cards around where she has access to them. Maybe this girl's mother can invest in a safe w/ a combination only she knows. She shldn't give out the combination to ANYONE!!! This girl needs to know that her mom means business!! I know this seems crazy, but so is stealing. This girl's behavior is not ok, and it needs to be straightened out. Do whatever you have to do, or someday she may find herself out on the street or even locked up if she doesn't stop. She's not going to like it, but it's not her mom's job to please her. It's her job to protect her. Good luck.