Sister problems - FamilyEducation
Sister problems
07/27/2008 at 01:01 AM

      I need some advice on what to do.  First some info. about the start of the problem.  I have a sister that I thought I was pretty close to.  We talk several times a week.  I also have 3 other sisters and a brother.  I'm #5 in the whole mix.  I've always been the least favorite of my parents for some reason.  Don't know why I've just been aware of that fact since I was very young.  I'm now 47.  Mom died about 9 months ago so my Dad is alone now.  I've tried helping out doing whatever I can but he only wants 2 of my other sisters to do anything.  Anyway, his B-day was a couple weeks ago.  I bought him 4 tickets to a ball game and told him he could take whoever he wanted.  I have 2 sons 20 & 11.  All my sisters have kids but my Dad's favorite is the sister in questions daughter.  So the ball game was last night.  I had stopped over my sisters house to pick up something she borrowed.  I asked her if my Dad was all set for his ball game.  She said yeah, she thinks he was asking my Uncles to go and he hoped he would be able to sit through the whole game, blah blah blah.  Then her daughter(the favorite)came outside to say she was leaving.  Sister asked where she was going, Niece tried to think and finally came up with a friends house.  So this morning I call my Dad and ask how his ball game was.  He tells me he didn't go that his back was bothering him and he knew he wouldn't be able to sit through the game so my niece went!  The same one that I was just at the night before.  I am totally pissed.  Am I being petty?  Or do I have a right to be ticked?  It's not so much that he gave the tickets to my niece and her 3 friends instead of offering them back to me which I think he should have done but knew he wouldn't but I'm more pissed that my sister totally lied to my face about everything.  She had to have had the tickets already and I didn't leave her house until about a half hour before the game was to start.  So she can't  say it was a last minute thing.  I called her after I talked to my Dad but she didn't answer my call and hasn't returned my call.(I left a message for her to call me back)  She has done this to me before, totally lying about things but I always just let it go so I don't start anything, but I am tired of being made a fool of.  Do I have grounds to be pissed?  Or should I just shrug it off again?  Sorry this turned out to be so long!!

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.

I would stop and examine what it is about your sister and your relationship that caused her to think she must hide the fact about the tickets. Did she do it because she suspected you would get upset, and was afraid of your anger? Or was her motivation a kind one in that she was hoping to spare your feelings of hurt at your Dad giving niece the tickets?

While it would have been nice of your Dad to offer the tickets to you, truth is, once a gift is given, from that point on it is theirs to do with as they please.

Don't think I am not sympathetic, however! Actually, I am in a similar boat as you regarding my father. I do a lot for him--managing his bills, taking him to appointments, etc.--More than any of my siblings. But he seems to favor one of my other sisters the most, or at least he treats her with the most respect and kindnesses, from my vantage point, at least. Maybe it's just that he sees me the most, so he takes my help for granted. But it does hurt at times.

I "just shrug it off" as I guess you do, and keep doing what I do for him, because he is getting elderly (80s!) and needs my help. My mom died died a few years ago, too, so that's why I feel like I need to help him because he is alone now, too, just like your dad. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, btw. It's hard, isn't it?

I just think my dad just don't see himself and how his actions affect others, sometimes. But I will keep doing what I'm doing because I like to think my mom is grateful for me taking care of him. I hope so, anyway.

There, guess I just vented, too! ;o)


Sometimes it is very hard to judge from the outside like we do. It could be that your father didn't want to spoil it for you by giving you back the present you gave him. He was maybe just trying to be nice. I know that if one of my children gave me tickets for something and I couldn't go, I would feel very bad about it and that I was rejecting their present. Just another angle.

Sounds like your sister didn't want to upset you by telling you she was going to the game, so she lied. I don't like the fact that she lied to you, and since you said she's done this before, there's obviously more to the story (as she sees it). Does she feel you are jealous of her, or have you ever said anything to her to make her feel you've been unfairly treated by your parents? I definitely feel you have a right to be upset. I'd be upset too if someone lied to me. However, you need to find out the root of the problem by asking your sister why she's not telling you the truth. If she's not returning your calls, I'd give your sister some time to think things through, then either call her again or write a letter. You deserve to know why she's not talking to you. You may have done something to offend her that you have no idea you did, and that cld be why your sister is acting this way. She does owe you an explanation, though. Give your sister some space, and hopefully in time, she'll come around. Best of luck w/ your situation.