Recently separated and confused - FamilyEducation
Recently separated and confused
03/23/2010 at 17:08 PM

Okay I wanted to get input about my situation. A week ago I had my first clinic appointment with this pregnacy and I asked my Husband to go in a lil late so I could go. He said he couldn't and he was going to ask his mother to come over. I was fine with that because we have been tyring to get her to come over for weeks but she doesn't want to come over to be a babysitter. So I said she don't have to, I'll reschedule. He was mad and sad that I just didn't want his mother here. I started crying(emotional pregancy) and he asked me why the "F" was I crying and I told him he was "p" me off. Well he jumped up and raised his hand like he was going to smack me. He said "I'm going to get my mother!" Okay so before when we even agreed weeks ago on my mother-in-law visiting, we discussed NO SMOKING! I can't stand the smell and I quit smoking so my children wouldn't be subjected to it. We talked about it when we asked of her coming to stay and we talked about it when she arrived. So I am making dinner and I smell cigarette smoke. Before I even said anything my daughter said "It smells like cigarette smoke!" So I already knew our night wasn't going to be peaceful. My Husband walked out the kitchen and returned but didn't say anything. So I asked him was she smoking in the room and he said "Yea' but I got it from here." Then he started asking me "why?" So I let it go. After dinner was done and my children ate, he went in the room with his mother and I smelled the smoke again. So I went to get my pajamas and she was sitting in my KIDS PLAYROOM smoking a cigarette that was 75% gone! Then she asked me was it okay to smoke in the house. I politely said No and looked at my husband who was sitting right across from her not saying anything. As I was walking out the room to take my shower I heard him say "Your cool Momma". Now I'm mad, so I re-entered the room and reminded him that we had this discussion before she even got here, but he wasn't trying to hear me. After I took my shower I went in the living room and him and his mother was sitting on the couch. She went to the room and I asked him why was it okay for her to smoke if we already talked about it and he said I disrespected his mother. I said how? because I want to be comfortable in My house?! and he said it goes much further than that. I don't understand how his mother was the one being disrespected in this situation, because I thought it was me who was being disrepected,by my Husband no less, smh. So I told him to get the "F" out and he said he planned on it anyway. I haven't talked to him since he left Thursday with his mother. He took the T.V. because he said I was going to do something to it (forget the fact that I watch it). He now shares a room with his mother and isn't even using the T.V. I keep telling myself that it's for the best and give it to God but when my daughter calls over there she is told he's not there and his mother says she will tell him to call but he doesn't call her back. I don't want to seem like i'm keeping him away from his children but she has been calling since friday and he will not call her back. Last night I told her to not call anymore and wait for him to call her. Was I wrong? Should I give him more time? and Should I try to talk to him again and save my marriage or do I need to let his direspectful self go? Any advise is considered because I am soconfused.

Do you have family who can help you? This seems like an unhealthy situation and you should do what you can to get yourself and your children in a better place. This lack of respect is distructive. What is meant by "he now shares a room with his mother"?

I have family that can help me but my family is the type that always wants something in return and like to hold things like this over your head. He moved in with his mother who is living with her mother. FocusedOnMines

I think you have a right to say if people can smoke in your house or not. This is very rude and disrespectful. Your husband should have backed you up. I wouldn't get divorced over this, but, reading into your post, it seems like your problems go deeper. No one should ever raise their hand at you. Only you can assess whether you think you should end this or not.