NEED Advice - Extended Family issues - FamilyEducation
NEED Advice - Extended Family issues
06/24/2008 at 14:07 PM

We currently rent a home that has an extra 1 bedroom guest house.  My mother-in-law has no where to live - so we rented the extra house too - on our dime!  I also have a 26 year old brother-in-law that has no where to live.  We let him stay with his mother in the guest house.

Keep in mind my husband and I pay for everything.

My brother-in-law started dating this girl that lives about 30 miles away.  She works close to our house.  The last couple of weeks she has been staying the night 3-4 times a week. 

I told him I do not want her staying the night.  The guest house is for his mother and for him to get on his feet - not to be bringing girls home and partying. 3 days later she stayed the night again.

Am I wrong to not allow this girl to stay the night? My issues are that we are paying for the food, the water for showers & toilets and everything. We have 7 people under our roof and are struggling to support them.

My in-laws think I'm being wrong and that it is no big deal. She saves gas by staying the night - why is this my problem. Please help. I feel terrible but want to stick by what I feel is right.

You are completely in the right for not wanting your brother-in-laws "girlfriend" to spend the night- It's your house. It's your house, therefore your rules, regardless of whose paying the bills. He is old enough to get his own place but since he chooses not to, then needs to be respectful enough to follow the rules. I would approach him calmly, and just tell him, "Hey, I know it's convenient for [her] to stay here, but I am not comfortable with it." Or better yet, ask your husband to do it if it's his brother. If it continues, then you may want to suggest he gets his own place before things become problematic. There is no such thing as "no where to go." He sounds like he could be taking advantage of your hospitality just a little bit. By the way, it is very kind of you and your husband for supporting both he and his mom. Good luck.

thank you! that is exactly how I feel about it .. just need a little support to be ok! :)

Perhaps you should start charging him rent and a little for food etc. He might change his mind then and get his finger out to look for his own home. More difficult about your MIL though. What does your husband say about this.