My Mother and CIL (cousin-in-law) - FamilyEducation
My Mother and CIL (cousin-in-law)
04/18/2010 at 19:11 PM

my mother resents the fact that I moved out of state with my husband and children (her grandchildren). She hates to hear how much i like it up here. My husband is originally form here and in conversation I told her that I didn't know if I could make it up here without him. Her response was, I don't think you could either. I couldn't believe it. On top of resentment she is jealous of me. I am currently in college and she asked how school was going I thought she meant for our eldest son, she said no I mean for you. I could not believe it because she never asks about how Im doing in school. So proceeded to tell her that Im doing good and I just received an award from the Dean for making the Dean's list. Her response was I meant as afr as your job, because I work at a school. I said oh. We moved out of the state two years ago and she has not once came up here to see us, or even asked when we are coming to see her, nor has she even sent for her grandchildren to come visit her. she never calls me. I always call her. I don't get it. When I do talk to her she never asks how her grandchildren or son-in-law are doing. Now my CIL she is flat out jealous and I cant stand her to the fact that I don't even call her. She had us come over last weekend to meet her daughters boyfriends mother and she introduced my children and I as if we were her friends, then when she gets to my husband she says,"And that's my cousin/slash brother Jon." I hate her, her daughter, and her dumb ass son. I can't stand them. The jealousy is so thick that everytime I talk to her something goes wrong or some type of bad luck occurs in my life, and it is the same with my mother. I try to talk to the both of them as least as possible. My eldest son would call my mother. The last time he called her, I was furious. My mother answers the phone and tells my son that she is on the line with my sister and that she would call him back. I could not believe it. My son is only eleven years old. My sister lives in the same city as my mother. Then heres the real slap in the face, when she does call back she calls at 9:00pm on a school night. That is my childrens bedtime. He called her at like 2:00 that afternoon. My son is a very smart boy and he has not called her since.....I am getting to where I hate my mother too. She hates the fact that my husband and I and my children are doing good. I feel as if she is praying for my downfall so we will have to move back, and that ain't right!!!! Has anyone else experienced this, or can give me some advice??

ummm. You sure are angry. What are you afraid of?

It is time to stop wasting your emotional energy with these negative thoughts and feelings. Concentrate instead on your children, your husband and your life with them. Some of what you have stated sounds almost like paranoia on your part. "Resentment, jealousy, hate, dumb a$$ son, furious, bad luck, slap in the face, praying for my downfall", these are all extreme terms. My advice would be to consider therapy to help you learn to move past your feelings about these family members and find happiness in your life. Your children deserve for you to be a positive mother and role model to them.

I am not angry. Just very hurt at the fact that I get treated this way. I am very family oriented, but it is hard when your family does not like to hear anything good happen to you, or doesn't want to help you because they think that it will help you get further than they did in life. You got to understand, I feel as if I have noone positive in my life outside my household and that sometimes is very lonely and frustrating.......I am not paranoid either just very frustrated and hurt. I feel as if the only way to get over these negative feelings is to stop associating with these family members, but that in itself is hard when it is family, ya know?

I just get frustrated because I know that my children and I deserve better treatment. I will just to have say the Serenity Prayer and move on with my life, but that is going to be hard when the people that I am moving on from is family members.