My Girlfriend's Father Only Stopped Inappropriately Touching Her Two Years Ago...But She Never Told
05/11/2011 at 07:53 AM

I am in love with this girl who's 19 and she told me her deepest darkest secret this year: someone in her family did inappropriate things to her for so many years--so bad that if she told me what they were "there would be no hope for you and my family". That was the only hint she gave, but I figured it out. The story: When she told her mother the truth, her mother was about to leave him and "looked like she was going to kill him". She hid during the fight but the father only banged on the door and told her to come out and demanded she tell the truth. Then he took her outside for a walk and explained that if she wanted the family to stay together she had to lie. And she did. Her mother had a hard time trusting her for a while ever since. The family's fine now, as if it never happened--but that's the problem. And I know how it still affects her. And I thought I could handle the truth since I had figured it out--I thought he DID change. I thought he was cool--I always did before I found out. But no. He has flaws of a father/husband that should remove him from the family picture. The family can do without him. But she has to depend on him to pay for her college tuition. And I think that's what holding her back from telling. She says she loves her family and it made their family stronger. I told her her family's in denial: her brother knew he was doing it to her since they were kids, but didn't help her. He didn't do anything. Instead, when she tried to tell the truth, the brother lectured her and blamed the family's ruin on her. Sometimes I believe the mother KNOWS she wasn't lying because ever since she's been depressed and has been marital problems with her husband. Ever since, the father has gone to therapy. What pisses me off is that his therapist knows what the husband did and has to keep it confidential. My girlfriend and I have been going out for a long time and I plan on being with her longer. And I want to tell...but it would ruin my girlfriend. I'm the only one who knows the truth, besides her dad. Her mother will never now, her brother will never know, even her best friend. No one knows but me, and I told her sometimes I wish she had told her mother instead of me, who deserves the truth.........I fell into depression knowing this, but I've been coping. My girlfriend is aware of my strong hatred toward her father, so she's adapted to my need to leave the house if I'm in there too long. But...........the only thing that's holding me back is that I might lose my own girlfriend if I told the mother. And knowing the father, who I think is a sick and dangerously inner-natured man, I fear the worst if the truth got out.....I dunno what he'd do. I dunno what the mother would actually do....I don't know if it'll endanger the one I love.....I can't stand being near him anymore and seeing him interact with her. She told me he promised her "he won't ever do it again"--but the fact that he DID is unforgivable itself. There are no second chances. What happened to her was NOT her fault, but how she reacted IS because.........it's not right. It's not right to live in denial. I watch this every time I'm in that house--this family is living in denial....