my family hates me
01/02/2012 at 22:07 PM

I am a 45 single father, raising two boys that are 10 and 12.
Ever since I was old enough to understand, it was evident to me that my mother was very hateful....yes she actually hated me. I left home three days after I turned 18 and have had a productive life. However, this hate is now distrupting my family. My mother and sister leave long terrible messages on my answering machine.....calling me names and just all sorts of cruel things. At times, my boys have heard this..and whenver we visit...my boys hear and see it. I really try to stay away, and I dont answer the phone. My boys dont want to visit their granparents and aunts because of the madness they see.
I have on many occasions, usually holidays, recieved so many messages on my cell that you can listen for hours and not get thru them all. All the messages are calling me names, using profanity and scrutininzing everything I have done or not done since I was a child.
I have gone thru counselling....and I have been told that the best thing to do is remove myself completely from my family.
Well, I am at the point of moving to a new location and getting new phonenumbers..just to stop this madness.....
The whole thing makes me sad. My boys lost their mother two years ago....so it is just me. I keep thinking how nice it would be if the boys had more family to share joy with.....but every time I risk it and visit my family...things go bad rather quickly.
Here is an example: Today my sister that I still get along with visited. She gets much greif from my other sisters and mom for visiting. So, she only stays a few hours. When she left today, she hit a patch of ice and ended up in a ditch. Within minutes I was recieivng calls from the other sisters yelling at me because it was my fault. The calls continued into the evening. I had nothing to do with the accident. I went straight away to find her, stayed with her until a wrecker came; took her to the repair garage, took her out to dinner and a movie....it is 1 am...and my phone is still ringing....more messages for me to delete before the boys wake up.
I come from a large family...and my mother has told everyone what a peice of shit I am...I even get dirty looks form older ladies when I do go home....
I have never been to jail, never in trouble, put myself through college...never had it easy...but this bothers me the most.....
I am thinking about just moving across country and not telling anyone where we are and just drop the entire family.....for all of our mental health (my boys and I), but is this the wrong thing to do?

This seems to me like a normal process of separation. That it has come just after a visit may be just a coincidence. All my kids at about age 5 did similar things, though they weren't complicated by the 2 different mommies that Xander has.

cid
28488

My oldest girl, when she was 5, told me she hated me and wanted to go live with my best friend. It broke my heart. My second, when she was about the same age, told me she hated me and wanted to go live with grandma. The light bulb went on and I thought--OH, this is an age thing! Don't YOU be worrying about things you shouldn't be worrying about.

cid
28493

If there's court-ordered visitation, see if Anthony can add a supervision requirement.

cid
28494

Back off on the academic stuff. Lots of physical play, making stuff with clay, pretending, and read to him lots.

cid
28496