Moving in with boyfriend
07/09/2008 at 08:47 AM

I have been in this relationship for 4 years now and is quite happy as we only see each other couple of weekends at a time due to the distance.  We live 100 miles apart.  I have a 8 year old son.  My boyfriend now wants us to move in with him very soon.  I am just scared as although things have really worked out how it is now.  But he finds it abit hard and tiring driving most weekends.  Sometimes we have a break by not seeing each other one weekend in a month or even two weekends.  We are happy and we done quite alot together.  He is 10 years older than me and has two lovely daughters and a granddaughter.  Both don't live with him so he is alone most of the time.  My son lives with me full time.  He accepts my son but occassially moans that he has alot of activities some weekends I have to take him football matches and other things.  So therefore we don't see each other or have time together.  My son does not see his boc father at all for the past 7 years now.  His father doesn't want to know.  I have to do everything and I do enjoy it but it is hard at times.  My boyfriend wants to go aboard next year where I can't as I have to consider my son with his schooling.  My boyfriend seems to think moving in with him will make life easier for all of us.  My son is not keen on the idea as that means leaving everything here where he just started a life and missing families and friends.  My boyfriend feels he wants to do things what he wants as he now has no repsonsiblity anymore where I have at the moment and I can't drop everything and go along with him. He seems to understand that.  He said that if we move in with him, he can do what he wants by going aboard and away on trips alone and do his photography hobby.  As I want to be with my son and make the most of him growing up before he gets into his teens.  I just don't know what I should do before I decided to move in with him.  My boyf feels that my son's life is taking over my.  I was abit hurt by this as that's all my son has just me other than my parents and sisters but they have their own lives. My boyf can be selfish at times and wants what he wants.  I understand as he now has a chance.  He said that we will be better off and have more money by us moving in.  So we can do more. 



Well, I don't want to sound mean, but your son should take over your life. You chose to have a child and he should be your first responsibility. I bet when your bf lovely daughters were 8 years old they took over his life. You should consider your son first then your bf. I'm not saying your son can't be happy living with your bf, after making a transition, but you should weigh it carefully and your first responsibility is to your SON!!


Thanks for the comments. I can see what you are saying, I will put my son first as always. It is hard as I love my boyf very much and hoping that it will work out between us if he compromise. I know in his mind all he wants to do what he always wanted is to travel but I feel that my son and myself is putting him off in doing this. He kept saying oh I should have done that last year but couldn't etc. So I told him to go for it and not expect us to go along as I work and my son has school. If he feels that my son is too involved then he should say so but he doesn't and thinks everything will be okay.
Thanks for your advice.


Continue to put your son first. Your son is only 8 years old and needs all of your time and attention for a few years to come. Uprooting him and living your boyfriends' life will just cause difficulties, based on how you describe your bfr. Enjoy your son, he will be grown and gone before you know it!!!


I agree with 2xstepmom,,,, time goes by so fast and you can never get these years back. Make decisons based on what is best for your little boy and you won't have regret and guilt later. Make sacrafices for your son now, but there will be a time when you can be a little bit more selfish later and then you can really enjoy the freedom without guilt.


Yes I agree with the replies. But what about when my son gets older and I am left on my own. Although I want to continue to enjoy my time with my son and enjoy every minute of it. But what about my life, I want a life of my own too. I do love my boyfriend very much. He seems to think I have a life too as well as looking after my son. My boyfriend thinks that moving in with him will solve all the problems that I have being on my own as I have to do everything on my own although my parents help sometimes if I need them. My boyf thinks that by living with him will help each other out financally and support each other then we can do more things as at the moment we are struggling. I am in a muddle and don't know what I am going to do at the moment whether to go ahead to move or stay where we are as he is not willing to give up anything at all where we have to do all the work. I don't want to lose him and he said that if I made up my mind in not moving then there is no future in us. I don't want to be on my own again.


It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is being very flexible. That's not too good. Also, it sounds to me that you're looking for the OK to do this, but that you do have some doubts of your own. It seems like you want to hear the answer you want to hear, so that you can put any doubts you do have aside. Go w/ what your head tells you, not your heart. In my opinion, you'll have other opportunities to date men. However, right now, your responsibility is w/ your son. Yes, you're entitled to your own life, and you deserve it. But can't you put your focus on your son? Who knows--maybe you'll meet someone in your local area. I just don't like the fact that your current boyfriend is putting all the pressure on you to change your life, and your son's for that matter. He doesn't have to change a thing, and he's not even willing to compromise. I don't find that very fair. He shld put himself in your shoes for a moment and see how he'd feel if you asked him to uproot his life like that. He needs to be a little more understanding that it's not only about you. It's about your son too. I know you love this guy, but I think you'd be making a mistake moving in w/ him at this time in your life. The decision is yours. I suppose you cld try it, but what if it doesn't work out? Wld you move back? Then what? I don't know. It's a bit risky for me, but then again, I'm not a gambler. I hope you make the right decision for yourself and your son. Good luck.


If this man clearly loved you as you say he does then he would not be treating you in this manner. I know you love him, and yes, you deserve happiness too, but at what cost. Your son needs some stability and he needs to know you are there for him. He is still in formative years and everything you do now will tell on him later. Please think hard about this decision. Your b/f sounds very selfish.


I wish I could believe he does love me, and he said he does alot. He does treat my son in a way that I am not expected him to be treated. I wish he could be a good step father to him so I can trust in him. It is hard. He has a granddaughter who he adores, he treats her different to my son. He sorts of pushes my son away and forcus on her. I treat her them all the same. I always buy her gifts. My boyf has no intention in buying my son anything although I don't expect him too. Just the loving and affection he could give. My son not had a loving relationship with his bio father. I think my son can sense it as he never wanted to discuss anything regarding moving. My boyf sometimes puts my son down. If I mentioned how well he has done at school etc. He never praises him. I felt abit hurt. He was married twice before. His second wife left him for someone else. I even asked my boyf if we lived all together, would he be a step father to him. He said only if we got married. And if he would adopted him as his step son. He said that he thinks it's not a good idea. Everytime we go shopping he always looks for something to buy for his granddaughter but never even thought of asking my son what he would like. I always played and talked to her whenever I can. But my son always wanted attention and I feel abit guilty. My boyf sometimes tells my son to be quite and tell him to calm down. If I say anything about his daughters, how lazy they are etc. He never tells them off for not helping. But when my son does something wrong. My boyf lets him know. Please Please help, I don't know what I should do. We are going on holiday next week and it's a test to see how he is with my son. I even asked him if I could bring one of my son's friend along to keep him company, he refused. I had to put up with his daughter's their friends in the past with us on holidays. Why can't he compromise.


He doesnt want your son, he wants only you. He has raised his children, and now has grandchildren. No matter what he says, your son will always come second to his kids and grandkids. If you decide to go further in to this relationship, your son will suffer. Your boyfriend will be happy, you might be happy, but your son will always be a second class citizen. After all that you have said, I am surprised that you are still looking for another opinion. You seem to know the answer.


Yeah you are probarbly right, I am always looking for answers as I don't know what to do or who to talk to. So I have many answers back which sort of ease my mind. I agree what you are saying about my boyf putting his children and grandkids first. And my son comes second, but what about when we move up there, will he still put him second. That's what I want to know. I will need to talk to him first before I make the big decision of moving in with him.


DON'T MOVE. He will not change when you get there. I feel pretty sure about that and then where does that leave you. In a strange place without your family and friends and if you are having problems now, they are only going to get worse when you are there full time. I know you will regret it some years down the line when the problems your son is exhibiting get too much to cope with.


DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!!!!!!! The more info you tell us about your bf, the more he sounds like a creep! SnglDad is 100% right! Your bf wants you, not your son. Do you always want your son to feel left out, insecure and like a 3rd wheel? NO, NO, NO!!!! Love is a beautiful thing, but it so often will cause people to make the wrong decisions for all the wrong reasons. Right now, your bf shld be bending over backwards to make this transition as easy and as comfortable as possible for both you and your son. You and your son are a package deal. That's all there is to it. You shld be putting your foot down about this and accepting nothing less from your bf. If he's showing you now how he truly feels about your son, that's not going to change. I think your real test shld be to separate yourself from this man. If he comes crawling back to you, and changes his thinking about your son, then maybe you can reconsider. Until then, I wldn't persue this relationship any further!


I completely agree with the others. When you are in the newest stages of your relationship and you have not even moved in together yet, this should be the time when your bf is most accomodating and kind. If you believe he will make you and your son a priority only after you move in, you are niave. I'm not saying your are not smart, but clearly you do not have enough experience to know that people don't often change their core values. Your son will always be second priority to this man and his family. I was a single parent for 13 years but I did meet a man who loves my son and treats him in a respectful way and as equal to the rest of the family. It's hard to be alone, but don't sacrafice your son's happiness for your own (in the end you will not be happy anyway). You will not regret waiting for the right man. When you meet him, you will not have to ask us if it's right to move in with him, because you will KNOW. He will treat you and your son with loving respect. Wait for him...


Thanks for your comments. It is hard, and I am nearly 40 next year, I just feel that my future is not going anywhere. I have been single for a while after I split up with my son's father. Till I met this man who I am with now for four years. I don't want to start all over again if we do ever split up. Most of my friends are all married and in a long term relationships, but some aren't happy some are okay. Maybe I am just looking out for the wrong reasons all the time. I thought this man was the right person for me. I was hoping he is. As he is good in some ways. If we do split up I think my main worries are being on my own again and being lonely. Although I am lonely now without him as he lives 100 miles away. I do wonder will I even meet the right man. As at my age now I have not met one by the look of it. How will I know he's the one, people say I will know but how?!! That's the big question. I don't go out that often. I am going to seek counselling about all this soon. So maybe it will help.
I am one of the people that are unlucky in love.


When I had my 40th birthday, I was married to a man who had a severe drink problem and was very abusive. I stayed with him because I wanted my children to have a father. Point is, is a bad father better than no father? I finally had enough and asked him to leave. He did a few weeks later. We lost our home etc, etc, because of his drinking. I met a man a few months later, and we are still together 14 years later. He helped me bring up my youngest child who had ADHD and Asperger's and has always been there for him. He is to all intents and purposes his father. My son was 4 when we met and he always had time for my boy, helping him with projects, playing with him, taking him out. Don't trust this man. Believe me, you are not too old to find happiness and I know there is someone out there waiting to meet you and your son. Just hang in there.


juni is right... I am also going to be 40 next year and my son is 8. Listen to this story, she lost her home and everything and it was better in the long run. We all get lonely... conseling is a great idea... try taking a class at the rec center or taking a short cooking class or attend some church services or the local wine tastings... get involved with other people ... whatever you do, consider your son above all else. You are a mother before you are a lover. You made that choice for yourself when you had a child. Now your first responsibility is him. You can decide to be happy it's not something that happens to us, we have to choose it. Maybe your circumstance is not exactly as you wish, but you can still be happy.


Tamz is right. Get yourself involved w/ the right people. Join groups, socialize and put yourself out there. My cousin met her 2nd husband at a bereavement group a few yrs after her 1st husband had passed away. She thought she was never going to meet someone again, or get married a 2nd time for that matter, but she did. She wasn't even looking. It just happened. There must be support groups for divorced individuals to meet, share their stories, and lend support. Also, church is another great idea. Keep your options open, and your chin held high. I know this is a tough time for you, but you can get through this. I, too, think counceling is a great idea as well. Best of luck to you, and hang in there.


Do you think it's right that I should move in with my bf next year which I was suggesting to do and he is planning to go travelling in USA for couple of weeks with his parents without me and my son. As I told him that we can't go anyway due to my son's schooling and my work. He seems to think that I should let him go, even though we have moved in with him. I am still confused again and not sure what I should do as I do love him very much and want to be with him.


How many times do you want us to say DON'T DO IT.... DON'T MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN....??? You want us to tell you something different that we already have, but we still are not giving the thumbs up to move in with your lover at the expense of your son!!! You make the decision on your own Linda because we have all told you that, based on the information you have provided, it's not a good idea to move in with this man even if you love him!!!


I know I do go on the same thing all the time, I just wanted people's opinion and what they thought of the situation I am in as my mind is all over the place and still not sure what I want to do. I am very much in love with my bf and don't want to lose him. It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. He said that if I love him, I should let him do what he wants to do for instance travelling even without me and my son for longer. I am willing to let him do that and let him enjoy what he wants to do even though we are moving in with him.


Obviously you've made up your mind. You love this man, and you want to move in w/ him. Plain and simple. I, like the others, don't agree w/ this idea, but it sounds like you're going to do it anyway. Good luck. I hope for your sake and the sake of your son that it all works out for you. I'm still very skeptical, but there's nothing more I, or anyone else, can say to change your thinking. Who knows. Try it. It cld work out. I only hope you don't come back to hear us say we told you so.
Oh, before you do move, make sure you have a back up plan incase it doesn't work out. I'm sure your BF will treat you the same way about moving out as he's doing about you moving in. Best of luck.


I am going really crazy about all this. I still don't know what to do. I am so confused. I have alot of feelings for my bf and really want to be with him but everyone keeps saying one thing to another! My head is saying no don't do it, but my heart is saying yes go for it. I agree with you, it's a big decision and a huge event to make to give up alot. I hope it will work out evenutally if I do decide to move in with him and hopefully he will change for the better for us both if I talk to him and explain that I am giving everything up for him and he should compromise more in this too.


I want to be happy, why can't I be happy as I have not be lucky in love and I felt really let down. I am getting fed up with being alone. Can't go out due to no babysitter. I know it's my turn to go to my bf's this weekend, can't as my son has football match which is really important to him. My bf is saying that it's going on too long and he's not sure whether he will come down to my this weekend as he has missed last weekend. It seems to me that we have to take turns all the time. He's going away next week so I won't be seeing him for the next two weekends now. It is really hard as I have to put my son first and not let him down. My bf seems to think I should go to his and not have his football session this weekend. I don't know what I should do. Please help!


Linda, I don't know what to say. You seem hell bent on going ahead with this man despite all everybody has said about him.
He is selfish and will be as much use as a male role model as a chocolate fireguard. Your son has to come first so why would you even contemplate him missing his important football match. He cares nothing for this child and if you go ahead with this madness, your son is the one who is going to suffer most.
I know it can be lonely but you have to look to the future. Your son won't always be so young and at home. Then you can please yourself.


My bf has been over this weekend and we did have a great weekend expect today we had a row over the moving thing and trying to reassure myself and my son that I need a life as well as my son. I had to take my son to football match today and it was quite a long one whilst he was at the match we left him with the team so we can go to the market spent an hour there then back to collect him as my bf didn't want to watch. I felt abit guilty as I gave time to my bf instead as he's going away for a week next week with his parents. My son didn't moan at all, he was great and he enjoyed the games. I was proud to hear that. But why do I feel guilt all the time when my bf tells me that we need a break and leave him there for a bit. We had discussions about the moving and his daughter's he didn't admitted that they were in the wrong as I said that his eldest daughter didn't say a nice remark a couple of years ago and I just told him today about it as I kept it quite. He said oh she didn't mean to say it, but I said why didn't she at the time then! When he said things about my son what he did wrong etc, I always agree with him but why can't he do the same about his girls. He explained to my son today that I should have a life beside him. My bf feels that I don't have one at the moment cos I am running about after my son all the time and thinks I am doing alot for him. I agree but I have no choice as I don't have the sort of help from his bio dad. I have to do everything. My bf thinks I don't have a break and need it, because we were supposed to go to his this weekend due to football we couldn't so he end up coming here instead. I was grateful for that. Is he right in what he saids about me having a life of my own as well as my son as he is 8 years old. My bf's daughters are both grown up now. I am so confused. He seems to think I don't have the time with him at all when my son is around. I love my son so much, he is everything to me. I love my bf too. But I am in the middle of both. My bf said he loves me so much and wants us to move so we can live comfortably. As he is finding it extreamly hard with the travelling and money.


You son is only 8 year old.... God you are so selfish!!! You bf is a jerk and OF COURSE you are doing everything for your son, YOU ARE HIS MOTHER!!! Do you think the rest of us don't give up things in order to take proper care of our children?? Your bf told you you needed a break from your son so you left your son's football game to go to the grocery with your bf??? How selfish are you and your bf? I feel sorry for your 8 year old son. I have an 8 year old and a bf and guess who comes first??? MY SON!!! You chose to be a mother... No, you can't predict that his father would leave all the responsibility to you, but it's always a possibility and you had a kid anyway.... I am disappointed in you!


Yeah I may be selfish. I don't have alot of time with my boyfriend due to that he lives 100 miles away and we only see each other at weekends mainly every two weeks ,we are trying to have as much little time together. I have alot of my for my son and I do everything I can with him. Besides you can work both ways. And it's about compromise each other. We have to be alittle selfish at times. I do put my son first before him. And my bf knows that but there are at times that most activites take over our relationship.


Maybe I sound a little selfish but you are entitled to be a little bit selfish. I do everything else for my son, take him to cubs, football, parties etc. I wouldn't let him down if he has an invitation to attend to an event, I always put that first before my bf. As he's young and I want him to have fun with his friends. Don't like him missing out on things. He does very well considering having a single mum. I do as much as I can. I know my bf shouldn't have said that I have a life as well as my son's although I agree but he knows I put my son first. I understand that my bf wants to enjoy his life as well as having a young boy around as he has done all the things he had to do with his girls. Now they are both grown up, he wants to enjoy himself by travelling. But he knows I can't go with him and have to accept that because I have to consider my son's well being and his schooling first. He's abit dissppointed. He did say that he will still go ahead even we move in with him next year and leave us. I have to think carefully now whether to go ahead or not. It is a really hard decision cos I do love him and want to be with him. He even said that if we move in, he thinks we will be better off financally so he can retire early, living on his own he thinks he won't be able to. So in that way I want to give him what he wants in life as well as me and my son.


Linda, I give up. Just do what you want to do. I just think, God help your son.


I am still thinking, thinking alot about it all now. As I realised that he has gone on holiday with his parents for a week and not heard from him since last night. So makes me think alot about it. I don't even miss him that much as I was enjoying the time with my lovely son. Give it another week and see if I did miss him.


And even if you do miss this man, that is not nearly as important as being there 100% for your son. I put my ex ahead of my daughter and she has many issues as a result. You have the chance to do the right thing, so just do it and your son will be the better for it. You will be so much happier and you will not have to deal with the guilt and many problems that will result if you make the choice to be with this unworthy man. Please do the right thing for your son, not just to make things easier for your b/f. If I could do one thing over, it would be to go back and make the right choice for my daughter. You will look back on this someday and be so glad you did, as will your son!!!!


I have just had my son's football manager asking me about my son's football session whether he will be there most of the time as we go away to my bf's some weekends. My son is now made to be a captain and the manager saying that if he does not play in regular games then he will find someone else to take over. I was gutted. I don't want to let my son down. My bf is not going to be happy as that means not seeing him as much as I could. Although we don't but that means he will have to come over most of the time which he isn't going to be very happy about. I was shocked as it makes my life abit diffcult now. I know I have to think of my son, he loves football and was really pleased when he was asked to be a captain. But if he doesn't go as much he will very upset. I have not told my bf this yet but will do evenutally and explain that it's not fair on my son. It is hard trying to juggle between football and going to my bf's who lives 100 miles away.


What SnglDad said was your bf will ALWAYS put your son second to his own family. I believe he meant to say "always." If you move in with your bf, your son will feel his lesser position even more because he will be exposed to it every day then.


I am feeling stress now as I got two people putting pressure on me. One is my bf about this football thing as he seems to think I will never going to see him when I am taking my son football sessions. Other is the football manager about taking my son to regularly football matches as he's now a captain. I am under extreame pressure and not knowing what to do. My son said that he would rather give up football cos it's causing problems. I don't want him to feel that at all.


You are placing stress on yourself!! You LIKE drama and your poor son has to watch you act unsettled all the time. Your bf has nothing to say about you taking your boy to football. You should take him every time he is supposed to be there without concern of how it effects your bf. Your son is captain and that is an accomplishment he has earned. Now the poor kid is going to give up his accomplishments so YOU can be happy with your selfish bf. Have you ever heard of emotional incest? You keep asking for advice but you really just want us to say "take your son out of football, move to another city with your bf and who cares about your son, the important thing is that you and your bf are happy."


The effect this relationship will have on your child is very important. On the other hand, your child needs a man in his life to help him develop as he should. Things to watch out for - don't let the garbage of past bad relationships destroy this one - you know what this man is like know, before you go any further, and he will not change. The basic problem with men and women relationships at this level is the "rose colored glasses effect." The man hopes the woman won't change and the woman hopes the man will change! Best advise! Pray about it and if you are sure, then get married!


HELP!! I don't know what to do now as I was thinking of sending an email to my boyfriend to end the relationship as I have been doing alot of thinking lately and have really decided what I really want now. And forcus on my son from now and spending more time with him. I had a text from one of his daughters the one I'm closer to. Asking if we are going to her dad's for the weekend this weekend, not seen her for weeks now. She adores my son. I can't explain to her how I am feeling. So I replied saying that I don't know yet. She replied back saying oh please I want to see you both. I thought oh noooo I do feel for her. Now I don't know what to do. Please Help!!!


I still don't know what to do I know you must all think I am a freak for doing this! But I am so confused. I have typed up an email letter to my bf explaining how I have been feeling for a while with the travelling to and fro to his and mine. My son's football sessions, missing a couple of games whilst we are at his some weekends etc. His reply was that he didn't want to lose me and loves me. And thinks that we should be able to manage on seeing each other on a weekend twice a month. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I have to consider my and my son's feelings first. What is he trying to do, confusing me like this. He seems to think that we will be okay as we have done in the past 4 years now. But I realised that I want to spend more time with my son. He understands that but still thinks we will be okay. I still love him but very confusing. He wants to continue.


If you love him and he loves you then you will be able to come to some understanding. What you have to remember is when you are making decisions for your life, you must consider your son's needs FIRST. Never have your son miss a football game in order for you to go with your bf and if you make a promise to your son, KEEP IT. As long as you make decisons based on what is best for your son, you should be alright. If you want this man in your life then you have to make him understand that you had a son before you even met him and your first responsibility is to your son. You and your bf can work things out as long as you both agree on what is most important... THe child!!!


Do you think my bf sound selfish as I am going to be 40 next Feb and I want to get away for 2 nights to Paris. I told him about it, he will be 50 next year and he wants us to go to NY for a week instead as he would prefer to go to NY but not shopping just taking photo's where I prefer to explore and shopping. I was abit disppointed as thats what I want but he prefers to explore and taking photo's he would not go shopping at all. That means leave my son with my parents for a week although they wouldn't mind but I feel abit guilty. He keeps wanting to go certain places without my son as he feels better and that he doesn't have to wait on him all the time. Is he being unreasonable?


YES !!!!!!!!!!

Why are you still with this guy anyway??????


What is it that you and your boyfriend have in common? You have a son, BF doesn't want kids. Your son plays football, BF doesn't want to watch him. You want to shop and explore, BF wants to take pictures.

You keep talking about your age. I wonder if you are trying to force this relationship to work because you feel you are becoming too old to find someone. Why are you so afraid of being alone? I bet you have less stress on you when you are alone. Your BF seems to add to your stress. Your instincts are there, but you are trying to hush them. You did not come to this forum to hear the advice you have received. I think you came here with the illusion that everyone would tell you to do whats best for you. Thats not how it works. When you decided to become a parent, you stopped living for you.

When my wife was pregnant with our first son, we sat one night talking about the upcoming birth. I told her it was scary to know that from now on every decision we make, we have to consider how it will effect our son.

I do have someone in my life now. This may sound harsh, but she knows that my kids will always come first. More importantly, my kids know they will always come first. I couldn't imagine traveling to Paris, or NY without taking my kids to share in the experience. Plainly, you are being too selfish. Your son needs you, your boyfriend wants you.


Here I am again! Do you think that although I am not living with my current bf at the moment, that it is okay to ask how my son is every now and again as he doesn't seem to do it over the texts as we live 100 miles away, I feel if he thinks he doesn't need to do it. I'm bit hurt as I always asked after his children including his granddaughter. But why doesn't he ask after my son. I told him that I went to my son's open night to see how he was getting on at school. My bf never even asked how he got on etc. Is is bothered. I'm bit hurt as my son's father never been there or even text asking how my son is. I was hoping my bf would and he doesn't. Do think you that's normal?


Yes it's normal. The reason it's normal is becuase your bf does not care one bit about your son. It's normal for a person who does not care about someone not to ask about them!!

You know this man does not worry about your son's well being. You should have learned that when he told you many times that you should miss his football and that you need time for yourself.

He does not care how your son is unless it effects him in some way and you should not expect him to ask after your son because he's not going to. HE DOES NOT CARE!


I am so depressed because my mother is worried about me and my relationship with my bf. She keeps telling me what to do etc. I love her to bits but she keeps telling my bf off for being selfish and for swearing in front of my son. I told her to leave it and to stop moaning to him. I know it was wrong, I told him not to do it again and he said but he won't change for my mum or me. I know my mum knows best and she wants her daughters to be happy but why can't she just leave me alone as it's causing stress. I don't want to hurt her anymore, we had a row the other day. She wasn't happy that on the day off my work, my bf came down and we both went on a trip to London and he took lots of pictures as part of his hobby, I was abit disppointed that we didn't do any xmas shopping as planned. He didn't want to do it. My mum picked my son up from school whilst I was out all day. She wasn't happy with my bf as he got what he wanted and not giving what I wanted. My mother thinks I am too soft on him and always let him do what he wants all the time. She thinks he is very selfish but I love him and don't want him hurt. I know my mother shouldn't get involved but she is so worried about the moving thing and thinks if I will be happy. I am happy but there are things that needs to be sorted. I do love him and want to be with him. I am worried that it's making my mother ill as she stresses herself out over this and I told her not to. It's my problem. Why is she being like that.


Hey Linda!
nice post.

I have a problem that I need your insight on. I'm working and going to school. One of my daughters has a chronic illness and needs more attention than I can give her because I'm working and going to school. She is 5. Anyway, I'm getting ready for finals. I thought I could send her to stay with my folks for a week so I can do well in school and she can get the attention she needs. I'm hesitating because my dad, well, he likes little girls, if you know what I mean. I'm sure my mom would keep a close eye on the situation.
What do you think I should do?


I wouldn't worry too much if your daughter is in safe hands with your mother. And at least she can keep an eye on your dad. If you don't feel comfortable with this, maybe you can speak to your mum and have her looking after your daughter at your place instead of her's then you wouldn't have to worry, while your away, it will make your mind at rest. It's up to you what you want to do. Is there anyone else you can trust, a closeby family or friends. I am sorry that your daughter has an illness and needs constant attention. At least she is in good hands with you. I hope this problem is what your looking for. Have you had a chat with your mother about your dad. And why is she still with him if she knows the situation?


Yeah, I just don't get why women stay with men who are not good for the children in their lives.


Very nice Acitez. Linda is going to do whatever she wants to do. Her reward will be that her son will feel like an outsider in his own home. What a healthy relationship this will create as this young man gets older and realizes his mother was more worried about keeping a man for her own selfish reasons, rather than trying to find a man who will interact with her child and accepts them as a package deal. I think we would all have a better chance of getting through to a brick wall, before we get through to Linda. I am done wasting my time and advice on someone who is only interested in hearing what they want to hear.


Thanks Acitez, I really believed you so your problems is not real then. Fancy putting something about your daughter like that. You were only doing that to see what sort of answers you got from me. Well it's a differnt kind of problems to my, I don't know what you were trying to refer about the situation with your dad. It occured to me if he was abusive to your daughter etc. But that's not the kind of problem I am having with my bf and my son. He's not abusive towards him. I was hoping to get some good advice about the problems I am having with my mother relationship regards to my bf.