Help Wanted - no kisses & hugs anymore - FamilyEducation
Help Wanted - no kisses & hugs anymore
03/05/2008 at 20:43 PM

My 6 year old son has pulled away and doesn't like us to show affection to him now.  Is this a common problem?  This is his first year of school and so I can understand he'd be uncomfortable of hugs and kisses in public, in front of people, but he's the same way at home, in private.  We've always been a snuggly family, but he resists our hugs and kisses, and doesn't like to snuggle, even at bedtime.  What can I do?  I want to respect his wishes, but I'm worried.

Well, I don't have kids, but I was one once, and I was not a huggy, touchy feely kind of kid.  When I was bullied into hugging friends and family members I really  hated it.  My suggestion is to tell him you love him and would really like to hug and kiss him, but you are willing to do that only when your son wants you to.  Then abide by that and let him either initiate the physical affection, or show it toward him only after you get permission from him.  Meanwhile, if the rest of the family is loving, he may come around and start acting more affectionate.  He may be more comfortable with affection if he feels he's in control of it.  And remember, a loving affectionate tone of voice can mean a lot to a kid, too.  Probably as much or even more than a hug or kiss.


Good luck!


Hey wmcm,


I think your son is probably going through a natural stage right now---he is school-age and he is feeling a little more grown-up and trying to figure out how grown-up acting to be---he will start to find a balance.  If I were you I would just keep up the hugging and snuggling--he will probably come back to it soon enough.  I have a 15 year old daughter who went through this when she was younger, she came around and now we are back at it.  It isn't any fun as a parent, I know.




It's absolutely normal at this age and on for boys so do not worry at all. Just show him you love him in a different way like a caress on the head or verbally and always in privet, NEVER in front of his friends or in public. This is how it is going to be from now on. I have 2 boys 8 and 3years old. It's not that he doesn't love you. He just wants his space.

Don't worry. Most kids go through this stage at one time or another. It's just harder on the parents (especially the moms) who will always think of their kids as their babies. It's times like these that I often miss the baby stage and think about having another baby. Then reality sets in. Ha! 8-) Enjoy each stage as it comes, and find fulfillment in each new experience. Your son will always love you no matter what.

The above two posts are so right. My son did the same thing and then at about 20 got huggy again and now kisses me and tells me he loves me every time I see him. I know it is difficult, but he'll come back around.