HELP ,my brother wife - FamilyEducation
HELP ,my brother wife
05/19/2008 at 15:00 PM

hi everyone

thanks god,i finally find this forum to tell my problem

i am 25 and singel,my problem is that my brothers wife always try to say something that annoy me

for example : i told her that 2 days ago was my birthday and she says "ok i will buy you a nipple"

i am studing English translation in university and i love it but she said "it is a filed that everyone can study it ,NOT IMPORTANT" and again valueless my feelings ,my intrests

once she told me that i never buy good things and all of my shoppings are very bad

because of my brother i cant fight her,you know when someone enters your family you cant always fight or ignore her,but i think it is my right that she respect my feelings,my intrests...

she really has annoying tongue

help me please,i must be CALM or always FIGHT ?

I'm sorry your sister-in-law is belittling you; that is an unattracitve way for her to behave. Sometimes when a person tries to make another seem little or less it is because they are trying to elevate or make themselves feel better. Does she have accomplishments of her own? When she makes disparaging words, dismiss yourself from the conversation. Do not even participate in a conversation with her unless it is positive; even if it is about another person. Elevate yourself above that type of behavior and refuse to participate or respond to her obvious feelings of inadaquacy.

thank you for replying you are right,she tries to elevate herself and maybe i must behave the same

I agree w/ tamz. Remove yourself from the situation, and only participate in the positive conversations. I've been there w/ my sister-in-law who is very gossipy and negative towards others. However, when it comes to herself, she thinks her "poop" don't stink (I cld use another word, but I won't). If it becomes totally unbearable, to the point where your sister-in-law says something very hurtful, I think you shld address the comment right away. Do it in a calm manner, leting her know that what she said was not only unnecessary, but also hurtful. If she denies what she said or tries to twist it around saying you're over-reacting, tell her calmly that this is how she made you feel, and that she needs to be considerate of others' feelings if she expects others to like her. True friends are kind and sincere. Unfortunately, though, there are many others (friends, family, co-workers...)who are not. In my opinion, these people have their own issues, and they will never grow up. I personally don't speak to my sister-in-law b/c after many attempts to rectify a situation, she still hasn't changed. Try to do your best to work out the situation and tolerate it for your sake and the sake of your family. Overall, though, look out for yourself b/c if you're unhappy, how can you expect to bring happiness to others? I really hope your situation gets better for you and your family. Good luck!