Having sex out of mariage - FamilyEducation
Having sex out of mariage
08/19/2007 at 08:44 AM

What do when a spouse is driven having sex out of marriage, going with other people?

This is very crucial topic to discuss because many are become slaves of such terrible habit that makes the other spouse suffer and emotionally and spiritually destroyed.

Let us share our thoughts, experiences and views regarding this subject to help those who are waiting.

Respectfully: Lindita  Kllogjeri

Hey kallogjeri,


Welcome to the boards.  I don't know what the answer is in general but for me if my husband was someone who cheated on me over and over again, the only answer would be to get out of the marriage.  I could understand if a man made a mistake and could be forgiven but not a pattern of sleeping with other women.


What is everyone elses opinion?






In our church has a law if you dont like your partner who are very hight tempered and you have no peace in your mind and it can affict to our pshychological mind. The children is the centir who will suffer does parent who will not understand. for me much better to have adivorce i know God understand. If you try your silf to make your pamily happy but spouse will not cooperate and more trouble. I think much better to having Other new pamily to make you life happay inthe second around.


Lindita Kallogjeri,


The concept of marriage in most cultures is based on mutual effort and trust; I agree with Marti that circumstance is important. There is an old saying, "Once is experimentation; twice is perversion." I would say in this regard, "Once is a mistake; twice is a habit." If there are kids or not, here is what I would tell my daughter.


Once (mistake): you must decide to forgive or not, but only after you examine the relationship for mutual blame, which is often the case. If so, my normal advice is to forgive each other and try to work it out by loving better, particularly if there are kids, because the greatest gift to a child is the example of loving parents.


Twice or more (habit): If you are not to blame too (not being a 'wife' per se) and you see no potential for change, dump the bum. Only a fool trips over the same stone twice. This is not a blame issue, it is about trust, and once broken is virtually impossible to mend.


Trust is the cord that binds two people in marriage. Trust simply means you have faith your spouse will not intentionally harm you. To me, really loving someone involves ensuring they trust you and you don’t give them a reason not to, for doubt is a deep, dark chasm from which few escape. 


DaMoKi Bob


what if he did it over and over and over [60+ times] in his past marriage, which he was miserable in?  do they change?  he says it's not something he will ever, ever do again it made him feel horrible inside.  can that aspect of a man change?  should I trust him and believe he will never stray if that is what he was used to?  he referred to himself once to me, and his parents, as a "male whore".  but he says that was his past life and he'll never travel that road again.  he says that all women are the same...  sex is sex, and women's bodies are all the same.  he tells me he loves me and that is what he has never had before.  do I believe him?  I want so much to trust him... but I would be lying if I said it wasn't something I wonder about a lot, in the back of my mind.  


I don't know what you mean by someone being driven to have sex outside a marriage. If there are sexual problems between husband and wife then the first step should surely be discussion and/or some kind of counselling to sort the problem out. If this doesn't work then what are the options. If the couple agree that a normal sexual relationship is not possible there is either divorce or one of them has a discreet relationship with the full consent of the other partner. Sex is not the most important part of an adult relationship, but is most certainly a vital part.
I am not a great advocate of marriage, but I think fidelity is important whether you are married or in a long term relationship. Yes, you may be able to forgive a single mad lapse, but not serial affairs. If that happens then it's the end of the line as far as I would consider.


This is not  for normally people I think, but, if any body have sex out of marriage, is more good to stop her marriage, and to stay like free for everything.

Even if one "forgives" infidelity, he/she most likely can not forget. 


Being unfaithful in a marriage diminishes trust and causes emotional anguish.   I believe that is why "Thou shalt not commit adultry"  is one of the ten commandments.  It is abominable because it causes excruciating pain.


I am wise enough to know that if my spouse or significant other cheated on me I would need to end the relationship.  That kind of betrayal would damage my self-confidence.  I would rather be lonely than to live with such distress.