Has the love gone? - FamilyEducation
Has the love gone?
10/16/2009 at 01:42 AM

Backgroud story:
My husband and I have been madly in love for 2 years before getting married. Then we got married and started living with his parents. We still were in love during the firest year of marriage.
Now 3 years have passed since we got married. We have a 2-year old daughter. During these 3 years of my marriage, his parents were the ONLY reason we ever argued. (We had NEVER argued before). Step by step, we started arguing more (again because of his parents).
We consider moving out, but don't have enough money yet.
Now we are very distant. We haven't kissed for weeks, months maybe. I don't feel attracted towards him any more, and I feel he feels the same. We argue every day, and the reasons aren't always his parents already. It seems we are getting used to arguing with each other. We say I Love you, only to try to keep the fire going. But I'm more than sure that the fire has gone.
I know we need to move out asap, to save our once perfect relationship and love, but it's not possible at the moment. And the days, weeks and months go by, we get more distant day by day, and I'm at a loss.
We live in a country where there is no family counceling centers, so we don't go counceling.
I want my happiness back, I want our love back... I want him to love me the way he did before we got married. I want to love him the way I did before we got married. Moving in with his parents was the biggest mistake in my life. I don't know what to do. Our love passes in front of my eyes, and I can't do anything about it. I WANT TO LOVE HIM AGAIN AND BE LOVED BY HIM AGAIN. Please help me somehow. Any comment would be highly appreciated.

I'm sorry. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, with few options.

You already know the answer it seems. Moving out would probably help things quite a bit. The one thing I wanted to say in regards to your post is; whatever challenge comes your way should bring the two of you closer. Marriage is not about perfection; it is about finding some you love enough that you are able to overlook their imperfections.

Maybe it wld help if you tell us what exactly you're arguing about. If your in-laws are the problem, is there any way you can talk to them and compromise while you're still in their house? Can you get out of the house most of the day, and spend as little time as possible there? I personally am an optimist. I wldn't give up yet. Do you really want to let your in-laws come between you and your husband? Can you sit down w/ your husband and say look. This is the situation. I love you very much and I want our marriage to stay strong. Is there any way we can make this work? If your husband tells you he wants things to work, you know his heart is still in it. And what about your daughter? Think how this is affecting her? Mainly, I think if you're willing to work together to stay together, do it. However, if your husband really doesn't think things will work out between you, maybe you need to reconsider the relationship. You both need to be in this together. Also, do whatever you both have to do to get on your feet and get your own place. Who knows? Maybe the damage is already done, maybe not. Is it possible for you guys to get away, even just for a wkend to rekindle the flame and see what happens? Or otherwise, try to do things together just you and your husband. If you can't spend $ going out to dinner, maybe designate time for you guys to take evening walks together. Even the simplest things get overlooked in the shuffle of everyday life. It's so easy to overlook those things, but they're so important if you want to keep the things that are truly meaningful in your life. You tell your husband you love him, now show him. Make him a nice dinner, give him a card, hug him, ask him about his day.... These are all things we take for granted. As hard as it is, try not to focus on your in-laws so much. Focus on building up the romance you and your husband once had. Good luck.