Curfew for a 14-year old daughter! Please help! - FamilyEducation
Curfew for a 14-year old daughter! Please help!
09/14/2011 at 17:40 PM

What is a reasonable curfew for my 14-year old daughter? (She's turning 15 in a few months.) The curfew I set for her is around 5:00. She is constantly asking me to extend her curfew because she claims to not have enough time to hang out with her friends. She told me that she starts school at around 8:50 and ends around 3:50. She always takes the bus home and there is about a 25 minutes wait at the bus stop. When she gets on the bus, it takes about 30 minutes to get back to our house by bus and a 5 minutes walk from where she gets off to our house. What should I do? Should I extend her curfew time? If I should extend he curfew time, what time is reasonable for her?

I think it would be fair to drop each of them a matter-of-fact note about how you are feeling. It could be that they have no intention of being so rude. You did a good job of explaining the situation here without sounding whiny, so I think you will be able to communicate the problem to them. Try to present what your expectation of respectful behavior would look like.
cid
27939

This is a good idea, they tend to get very defensive and tell me "you are just too sensitive" they don't see their behavior as anything to be upset about. One daughter says, "You used to be tougher!" And maybe to a certain extent she may be right, but I feel why should I have to get "bitchy" just to be treated with a little respect? Not sure how I would word a note to them that would come off as more assertive, rather than complaining. I will work on a note. I really appreciate the thoughts, wish you were close by. Have tried to get them to a family councelor (a mediator)the 2 girls and I but there are always excuses.
cid
27941

I think if you concentrate on saying what you DO want, instead of what you don't want, it will work.
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27942

I think it is great that you have tried to mend things and have told them how you feel. Try not to worry about their reactions. I think once they see you are in control and enjoy your own life they will respect you. I am a homedaycare provider and I love it any excuse to play with kids toys is great! lol. I've realized after years of working and then having kids work is work no matter what you do. - Teacher, Lawyer, Cashier, Hostess. If you enjoy looking after children give it your all and you will have the best job in the world! Tell your children how much you love it and why you love it. Hopefully they don't put your career choice down if you hold it up high. I enjoy it because I am my own boss and the children are wonderful.
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28348