GROWN Children at home NO respect - FamilyEducation
GROWN Children at home NO respect
01/20/2011 at 16:28 PM

I know these are tough times. I am 45 years old and live with my sister whom is 48. She works full time and I have been out of work for over 2 years. She has asked me not to return to work to help take care of her and the house. My sister has 5 children all girls and all grown.
1st lives with her husband of 6 years and 2 children of her own.
2nd lives at home and has Down’s syndrome no children
3rd is out of work and lives at home with boyfriend who is also out of work has 2 children and is separated where one of the children lives during the week to go to school.
4th has never worked and lives at home with 2 children
5th is turning 21 next month, lives at home and has no children.
Ok, let me sum that up for you. It’s me, my sister, and 4 of her grown girls and 3+ of their children. That’s 9+ people in a 4 BR house.
We have co-existed here for over 2 years this way. NO one in the house working but my sister.
The issue is NO one is trying to get a job or do anything else. #2 gets an SSI check that pays the mortgage each month, that is good.
But lets discuss #3…. She first had a boyfriend that stayed unemployed all the time so her and him would sit around and play World of Warcraft on their laptops day and night. That went on for about a year. She dumped him and got another boyfriend that was employed at a car dealership making good money. Never been on a computer in his life. OK, he got laid off and started collecting unemployment got him a laptop and now it’s the same thing. He and her sit day and night playing WOW and refuse to look for work. He says that nothing pays as much as he’s collecting just sitting around. This has been happening for over a year now.
#4 humm…nice enough child but 2 kids and no skills, never worked and on the system for Food Stamps and Medicare.
#5 Turning 21 next month worked at KFC for about 2 months last year but that’s it was just too hard.

The issues I’m having are about me really not them. I get up in the morning at 5:30 to fix my Sister breakfast and get the day started. I do 4 loads of laundry a day. I wash dishes 4 times daily; I take out the trash both to the outside and to the curb. I clean and vacuum the house 2 times a day, I take care of the 2 Dogs, I cook 3 meals a day. And you know what, I don’t really mind. I like doing these things. But I get no respect. If I say someone needs to fold the laundry I get “nothing of mine is in there” if I suggest someone take out the trash it’s ignored. I’ve tried talking to my sister about it but she always turns it around to where it’s somehow my fault. Example –you should not have done the dishes someone else would have done them- and I guess they would have in time. I do the laundry and it will stack up for a right in the middle of the living room and no one will fold them. These children #’s 3, 5, are so lazy they don’t even get up to get there own glass of something to drink.
I really think my only choice is to get my life back together and leave.

I think moving out would be good for you. Your sister is getting a sweet deal, and from her point of view, you are getting 'free room and board.' But if she were paying an aid for her daughter who also did housekeeping, she would probably be paying quite a bit more, and if she didn't work with a professional agency, there would be some risks that she doesn't face with you, like abusing the daughter, or stealing. Find employment first. Then give her 1 week notice and move out. It sounds like there are plenty of adults there to help with the handicapped adult.

I agree with maymay, you are being used! Yes your sister does for you also. But you are doing A LOT! and it is her children so if she wants them to use her that is up to her. I would be ashamed of my adult children if they were that way. I wonder what happened to make them all so good for nothing? I'd leave like I said before, For no other reason than I'd lose my mind in that house. Good Luck