Girlfriend wants to be #1 Don't know what to do? - FamilyEducation
Girlfriend wants to be #1 Don't know what to do?
01/14/2011 at 22:31 PM

My girlfriend has 2 kids 5 and 10 years old. My kids are 15 and 18 years old. I work at a job were I can spend 1 day with each on the weekend. I do see my girlfriend during the week just us for a few hours. I spend Saturday with my kids and Sunday with her and her kids. I know this is maybe wrong but trying to make the relationship work. My girlfriend says that I spend time with my kids is wrong. I like doing stuff with my boys that are older now and they enjoy spending time together. Because I spend 1 day with my kids as father is wrong and that she should get both days. My girlfriend says that my boys should spend there 1 day with her and her kids and then I should spend the other day with her kids and her. I did all the little kids stuff years ago. I don't want to do that anymore. She also mentions that her kids need a father figure in there lives. Her kids have a father. Is it wrong that I want to spend time with my kids? Is it wrong that I should make my kids or force them to do little kids stuff when they don't too. What should I do or advice. I am so frustrated that I am ready to give up on my girlfriend.

Women defend their turf with even more intensity than men do. Your girlfriend wants everything for her own kids, and frankly doesn't give a thought to your kids. In three years, your kids will be up and out. Put your personal plans on hold until after then.

double post--sorry

Your children may be a bit older but need you just as much as her children do and frankly I think she is a very selfish person to expect what she does. If you miss out on this time with your children, you will probably regret it later. Our children are not around us forever. They grow up and start to lead their own lives [which is just as it should be]Enjoy this time with them now.

I couldn't agree more with the advice you have been given. As you said, her kids already have a father. Spend time with your kids and enjoy it.

Your children, not your girlfriend and her children, should be your #1 priority. Your relationship with your girlfriend, unless or until you make the decision to be married, should be separate from your relationship with your children. The expectation that you give up your relationship with your boys is unrealistic on her part. You should be able to, and be encouraged to, spend as much time with them as possible Good for you that you are ready to give up on her. Do so, concentrate on your boys, then if you wish, develop a relationship with a partner who is understanding of your special time with your boys.