Father in law is a problem - FamilyEducation
Father in law is a problem
01/13/2010 at 13:06 PM

My wife and I have a two year old son. My father in law is becoming a huge problem because he constantly tries to baby sit my son. So far, I have not allowed it. It is starting to cause a great deal of tension.

He has a sex addiction and talks about sex constantly, even with granddaughters. He has been fired from his last two jobs for sexual harassment. He has topless pictures of his other daughter (who is 35 years old) on his computer and he has taken pictures of my wife’s butt and crotch. He is a member of EHarmony online match making service. He lies about his age. He uses the site to pick up skanky women and have sex with them at his house.

Regardless of the above, he is 64 and MORBIDLY obese. I am not sure if he is even capable of chasing a two year old around. He is on pain medication, anxiety medication, depression medication, and some others.

In addition, he has three ex-wives, the first of which he dumped (along with his three daughters) for his second wife. His third wife was sent to prison for embezzlement. She stole thousands of dollars and used the money for the house. He claims not to have known anything about it.

I could go on and on. He makes my skin crawl. He puts a lot of pressure on my wife about this. He tells her that because I do not allow him to watch our son that I am controlling and abusive. My wife does not see the same man that I see because he is her father.

I feel that he tries to get my son alone, which is another red flag. With everything that I have seen, there is absolutely no way that he will ever spend one second alone with my son. This is starting to be a huge problem. I am at my wits end with this maniac. I have to protect my son at all cost. Does anyone else have any similar stories? If so, any suggestions?

Pedophilia and crassness are different things. It is possible that your FIL is merely crass. Even if that is so, the following could happen. In a few years your son could, at school or at a friend's house, mention the pictures of naked ladies he looks at with his grandpa. The adult who hears this could report to the police. The police could investigate grandpa and he could go to jail. Possibly even die there. During the investigation, the police would ask if you and your wife were aware of the use of pornography in the FIL's home. Then the authorities would have to determine if your son is safe in your care. If your wife is ok with that possibility, take the boy and file for divorce. DON'T THREATEN, just go. During custody hearings, make it a condition that any visits with this grandpa must be supervised by a paid professional, or by you. Tell the judge in detail your concerns. Why is it so important to Grandpa that he have unsupervised time with a little boy? The kids are just as cute and funny when their parents are around, and it's a lot less work. Also, I am described as morbidly obese in my medical records. I'm quite capable of chasing two year olds. The issue is not his health, it is his very poor judgment.

My suggestion would be to continue doing what you are. Keep your son away from him, even if your wife disapproves.

have you ever considered putting a restraining order on him? He seems like a VERY disturbed man!

Sandstorm, on what grounds do you believe that a restraining order should be sought? The parents do not need a restraining order to keep a third party away. Also, nothing mentioned would be grounds for a restraining order.

He has not actually caused any harm to my son. I have not nor will I ever allow him to be alone with my son. A restraining order is is probably only available to protect against known or immediate threats. This does not rise to that level. I am starting to realize that my options are limited. A restraining order is not an option. Moving away is not an option. Threats and violence are not options. Counseling will not work. Divorce is not an option. I guess my only option is to continue to stand my ground and to put the fires out as they flare up.

Fatherof1, I aqree, you are doing what you can for now. Hopefully he will become frustrated after some time and just give up. Continue to stand your ground. Your instincts are there for a reason, i'm glad that you are not choosing to ignore them in order to keep the peace.