family in crisis...Daughter trying to destroy my 23 year marriage
01/07/2012 at 23:18 PM

Please I need help. I have tried everything. I have gone to therapists. I have 3 degree's myself. The thing is I love this child..well I will call her a child she is 22. I have been with my husband since I have been 18. I will admit my daughter has been overinduldged and completely spoiled. I have been the only one to parent her. Her Dad did not want to ever say a harsh word to her. Now that I have seen the out come of this I started to be a bit tougher on her lately. She had been dropping classes (umm 17 credit hours to be exact) not working and calling me every name you could imagine. We even were paying for her gas (not to mention the car she drove, insurance and blah blah... I saw that this was destroying any chance of a life for her to be happy. As soon as I started to pull back and try to make her grow up and take on some responsibility she turned on me. She went from my loving daughter to my enenmy. She started to have lunches and coffee with Daddy behind my back and lying to him about me, she developed a so called eating disorder, she needed therapy (lying to the therapist about me and planned the whole thing out. She wanted to get rid of her own mom. This has broke my heart. I love my child. The night that she told me to F off and I aske her to leave my home she refused and said her Daddy would never allow it, I would go first. Well, she physically attacked me. This is not how I raised her. This is a kid that went to church, private coaches, cheerleading vacationed in Cabo San Lucas. I don't understand why all of a sudden we turned into a Jerry Springer show. The shocker is my husband now condones this behavior by still meeting up with her and I know gives her money. He gave her his truck, when I took hers...I wanted to teach her a lesson. I wanted her to see how hard it is out there when you dump on your Mom, the one who has given you everything. How is she to learn anything when he is still giving her everything behind my back and why? He never one time in our lives said to her, "stop talking to your mom like that". What Dad or husband for that matter acts like that? I cry every day. I wonder where my life went? Will this ever be fixed or am I doomed to let this go. She sits on his lap at 22 and says my Daddy while I sit on the other side of the table. Please I am at a loss. If I ever say anything she tells me I am jealous of them. I could never be jealous of my own daughter I love her. I just think if she is every to have a normal relationshiop with a man she needs to let go of her Daddy. The longest she had dated a guy has been about 2 months. She is just stunning so I think that's not normal. How do I help my family. I am so lost.

Your parents are treating you like you are still their child, which you are. If you can find the resources to be independent of them, that would be best. Do you have a social worker who can help you?

cid
28514

I think you are right. This stinks. You need to figure out what your goals are for your family. Then you need to write them down, and write down a plan for achieving those goals, and get some help--probably at the employment office.

PS. Your folks didn't have to take you in. I know that doesn't excuse them undermining you, but back home 'in hell' is obviously better than the alternatives.

cid
28519

I think that the responsible thing to do is to suck it up and be nice until you have the resources you need to be out on your own.

cid
28520

Do you have any siblings that have children? Perhaps if one of the 'good kids' could tell your folks what is a reasonable bed-time, it would help with that battle. Some of it you are just going to have to let go until you are on your own, but sleep is a health issue, that's the battle I'd fight.

cid
28525

That's what I'm saying--If SHE can tell you (and your mom) that the kid needs to get to bed at a reasonable hour, maybe that would help.

cid
28527

If your mom heard from her that bedtime was important, then maybe your mom would help with that. If your question is about how to protect your daughter's health, then the first step is getting her enough sleep, healthy food, and activity.

cid
28530