Dealing with stepson and family - FamilyEducation
Dealing with stepson and family
06/30/2009 at 07:36 AM

My stepson and his family lost their home because of foreclosure in December, since then they have been living with his cousin. In May the cousin requested that they begin leaving for the weekend every other weekend so she could have the house to herself. My husband wanted to help out so he told him that they could come over to our house for the weekend. The problem is that now it has become routine for them to come and spend the weekend at our house. We also noticed that they are not saving any money to move out on their own. They spend their money on frivolous things and seem to have a sense of entitlement. It is starting to take a toll on us. Whenever they come, they act like it's a hotel and they take over the house. We feel bad for the kids, ages 15 and 13, but are angry with their parents. My husband has tried talking to his son about setting up a home for his family but all he has is excuses why he can't save money to do so. We don't know what to do about this situation. It is obvious that he and his wife don't realize or care that they are imposing on us or their cousin. My husband is hoping that the problem works itself out, and so do I, but I truly see this as going long term. My husband does not want to say anything to hurt his son's feelings, he is afraid to lose the relationship. I would not want that to happen either, but we need to make him realize that this is not right. He needs to have a home for his wife and children. I would deeply appreciate any advice I could get, my husband and I just don't know what to do!
Thank You

I bet the reason this son does not take responsibility for his life and for his family is because he has never had to. If your husband wants to help his son then he should sit him down man-to-man and tell him to get a plan for his family. Ever heard the saying "give a man a fish and he eats for the day; teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime"? Teach your step-son how to fish. At this point, it's more important for him to "man-up" and take care of his family than it is to keep peace between you. Make your son get a plan and a timeline for his departure. Force him to start a savings account. This is for his own good... If you love him, you must take the risk of hurting his feelings to help him.

Great advice, tamz. I agree completely.