dating in a divorce - FamilyEducation
dating in a divorce
03/31/2008 at 22:18 PM

I am dating someone ho is going through a divorce. We both have children involved. He taks about remarriage already, but is afraid about the kid situation, just that he doesnt want to "leave them" and I worry I may be just a rebound, although he swears he is in love with me and so excited to start our new life together as soon as the divorce is final. Any insights?

I think that before a parent commits to a new legal or sexual relationship, that parent needs to find out the likely impact such an action will have on the children. If you read these message boards, an awful lot of them are about step-kids, usually step-daughters, who are having an unusually difficult time in adolescence. In our (physical) community, there is even a community education class about helping step-families function well.

Almost without fail the professional advise I read insists that the person leaving a marriage (whether there desire or not) should allow themselves time to regather themselves a bit. He should spend some time alone. Then you can both be sure you are not just a rebound, a replacement, a warm body, etc. If it's a good match, patience won't destroy what you have and you will probably find even greater confidence in your relationship. Also, the kids will always be involved in your relationship, they should be.

If he isnt divorced yet and he hasnt spent time by himself then that could be a RED flag already. He is still a MARRIED MAN. If you two love one another then maybe you should take a time out until his marriage is FINAL. Remember his children will always be a part of his life and if you are having him choose between you and them then oops another RED flag. Think before you make any leaps.