Absent Father - FamilyEducation
Absent Father
05/01/2008 at 10:46 AM

Good Morning. This is my first time on this site. My son is 6 and hasn't seen or spoken to his dad in 7 months. Out of anger over child support issues his dad decided to drop out of his life to punish me, but my son is the one hurting. My son really misses him and has started to make up stories about he and his dad spending time together. He asks me why his dad hasn't been coming around and I don't know what to say. I don't want to tell him that he loves him because knowing his history he probably will never see him again. I assure him that I, his aunt, his uncle and his grandparents love him very much. What else can I say or do to comfort him?

What you are going through is VERY painful. I have been there when my little boy would sit and look out the window waiting for his dad to show up. I actually think you should tell the little boy that his dad DOES love him. Tell him his dad is mad at YOU and not him. I know he is only six, but this will send the message that he (your little boy) is loveable and has done nothing wrong. My boy is eight now and he still makes up storied of what he and his dad did together. They are not true and I gently remind him of that. You should also get an honorable man to commit to spending scheduled time with him. I got a mentor from the church, but you can ask a trusted family member as well. Allow him to make "guy time" memories with an adult male. He craves the bond among men and that is why he makes up stories. I know what I am saying it TRUE because I have three sons and every one of them fantisized about having a dad relationship. And never never talk bad about his dad to him. He will find out when he is older that dad was a slug. For now it's healthier for him to imagine honor in his dad.

Thank you so much for responding. It's good to hear from someone that has gone through this.

I have been there too. I made it very clear to my son from the first that he had nothing whatsoever to do with us splitting up and we both love him just as much as ever. His father was the same and never turned up when he was supposed to. I started not telling when his dad was coming round so he would not be disappointed, but could have a nice surprise when he did. When my son went to his father's, he was showered with expensive little gifts - toys, games, candy etc. My son started saying that he wanted to go and live with his father because I never gave him anything. I was struggling with state benefits at this point as his father didn't pay maintenance. Every time the court ordered him to pay, he would give up work so he didn't have to. Finally his father lost interest and stopped visits. It was hard for a while, but even then, I never put his father down. Son is 18 now, and has worked out for himself what an absolute waste of space his father was, and does not want him in his life.