10 yr old- communication and boys - FamilyEducation
10 yr old- communication and boys
01/27/2010 at 12:49 PM

I really need some help, I feel like my daughter and I need a better relationship. Everytime when I want to communicate with her, she doesnt open up. She says "I dont know" to every question. She seems like she doesnt want to talk to me in the first place. I try to take a look at myself to see what im doing wrong and I cant seem to get it. Another thing is that she is really into boys, thinking they are cute and I have spoke with her that her hormones will be going crazy soon and thats natural, but to keep her focus on school. I am just concerned because I had her at an early age and it scares me. I need some advice please.

It could be the case that your daughter is more quiet or introverted than others her age. Have you tried talking with her teachers? They see your daughter interact with other kids her age and could probably give you an idea of whether she is progressing normally. See if she has friends in school and how she behaves there. As far as the boys thing goes, and I hate to pull this card, but what does she watch on the TV or internet? Does she have older siblings/cousins etc? I think kids tend to imitate what they see and hear. If, for example, she is watching a lot of MTV or ET or whatever(even if she just overhears it) or hears people talking on the phone about boys, she may be picking up cues to say these things. I don't know what age is normal to start having crushes- I think it varies based on the kid. For myself, I didn't notice boys until I was 11 or 12. Some of my friends, as early as 4th grade, had "boyfriends" in school. Of course, they barely talked to each other and broke up via a friend (ex: "Joe told me to tell you he doesn't like you anymore.") a week later. Most of these girls had older sisters that I think they were copying. If she starts to act on these "feelings" (like kissing etc), b/c she is only 10, I would be concerned. I suggest talking to someone at school to see what her behavior and ability to communicate with others is like there.

My daughter is definitely a communicator,lol and has lots of friends. Her teachers and mentors at school always speak with me about how socialable she is, which concerns me about why she doesnt talk to me. Pretty much she tells me about what happens at school with friends, but thats about it. I dont know if I am over reacting. I guess because I really desire to have a great relationship with her(and getting close to middle school)I want her to be able to come to me with everything. You know what I mean. As far as what she watches or sees, I am very overprotective. She does have an older cousin that she is close with, but I have put limit on interaction because of age difference. I even put limits with my mother because she gets busy with the mouth. I dont know. I will keep trying. Thanks for the input. Appreciate it

I highly recommend the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk". Also, get your child involved in activities the two of you can do together, like Girl Scouts or hobbies. My daughter and I rode bikes and/or took a walk together every day. I taught her how to cook and we watched movies together. I read every book she did and got her interested in Nancy Drew and other books I had read as a child. The TV and stereo were in the living room and we listened to music together. I took her and her friends to see the Spice Girls, TWICE, (one of her favorite childhood memories) and to many other concerts. She had lots of sleepovers and our home was the place her friends wanted to be. She went everywhere with me, shopping, errands, visiting and many times to work with me. There are many creative ways to stay involved in your child's life and open the lines of communication. At 26, my daughter considers me one of her best friends and has thanked me many times for the effort put out during her childhood.

I can definitely tell you that 9/10 yr olds have interest in each other and crushes. The girls and boys point and talk about each other at lunch and on the playground. They write notes to each other and about each other, etc. (Watched it many yrs teaching 4th graders, lol.) I would just say as others have said to keep your daughter active with you and have her friends do activities with you, so that you get to know them and you get to enjoy time with your daughter. Just keep lines of communication open and let her know that she can talk to you about anything. Good luck. only