Please help me - dilemma - FamilyEducation
Please help me - dilemma
06/02/2009 at 08:49 AM

Hi, I really need help.
I am turning 25 years old on 4 July. I have a 20 months old daughter. I have just entered a new workplace to work (my previous workplace was liquidated), during this new one many trips overboard are expected. I am very sleep-deprived because my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night and only goes back to sleep if i rock her crib.

The dilemma is - should i get pregnant with the second one now?

I think yes, because:
1. The age difference won't be too much (when the new baby is born my DD will be 2.5 years old), and thus they'll play with each other, and DD won't understand enough to get jealous,

I think no, because:
1. I'm still tired and need sleep
2.this job is new and i don't think the director will be happy if i get pregnant at this stage (business trips, etc)
3.DD still wakes up in the middle of the nights and goes back to sleep only when rocked, and she doesn't sleep in a separate room yet
4.I live with my in-laws, and we plan to get separated, and i want my second one be born when i live alone with my husband (the main reason is this, because i don't like my in-laws, and they don't like me, and i'll have pregnancy hormones racing, and my MIL wants to take control over my DD, so when i'll be busy with my second, she'll immediately take control of DD :-()

Please help me to solve this, coz even the reason for YES is only one, it is still very important for me the age difference not be too long...

Looking forward to ANY kind of advice

There are 6 years between my third and my fourth, 6 years between my fifth and my sixth. The age difference is not that big of a deal. My 20 year old and my 12 year old are hanging out upstairs at this very moment. Get independent of your in-laws first. Save up so that you can be home to rear your own children.

My boys were all four years apart and they played together every day and have a very close relationship. I would not rush into having another child until you can financially take care of yourself and your family on your own. a few years apart in age is ok and even good.

My children are nearly 6 1/2 years apart and have always been best friends. My son is older and he has always said he loves that he remembers his "little sister" from the very beginning. He went to see her sonograms and was holding her at 4 hours old. He interacted with her in a positive manner because he was so involved with her from the time she was born, and taught her so much. He and his wife plan to have at least 6 years between their children (if they have a 2nd!) so their children have those same memories. My daughter loved having her big brother protect and take care of her. There are MANY advantages to spacing your children and in your situation, it seems those would outweigh any advantage you have listed when you are doing the job you have just taken on.

Thank you all ever so much for the advice! I was so worried about doing a lifetime mistake, but now i feel a LOOOOT better, thanks so much all of you. I LOVE this site!

Kara, You're still young and you have lots of time ahead of you. So that's one advantage to waiting. However, you have to decide what's more important to you and your husband now. Do you need this job or do you want to work? Financially, can you handle another baby? Do you have anyone else to help you w/ the kids if your in-laws are not in the picture? Who knows what the future will hold. It may take you a while to get pregnant w/ your second one, and in that case you may want to work. If you can handle your work load w/ this new job, your family, and a move, do it. See what happens. If you do get pregnant right away, then decide what you want to do. Ultimately, this is a decision you and your husband need to make together. It sounds to me like you're a planner. If you can plan this, wait til it's the right time for both of you. Just remember: a child is a true blessing. Whatever happens, I'm sure you will do whatever it takes for everything to fall into place. If that means putting certain things on hold, do it. Good luck.