plms with my bf's son mother and HER boyfriend!! HELP!! - FamilyEducation
plms with my bf's son mother and HER boyfriend!! HELP!!
04/25/2008 at 11:20 AM

My boyfriend has a son he is 8 years old. The mother had cheated on my boyfriend with the guy she is with now. but now the mothers boyfriend hates my boyfriend and whenever my boyfriend wants to have more time or pick him up early. we have to go thru the bf and not the mother.. I try not to get involve bc i know that his son is between the mother and him but the mothers boyfriend involves himself. my boyfriends cousin and i are the one who go picks up his son. he told us to tell my boyfriend that he shouldnt worry about his son and his school work that he should only worry about the 3 weekends that he gets him this is between the mother and the boyfriend.. it shouldnt matter to him bc ive been taking care of this boy since he was 1 1/2 yr old which confused my bf's cousin bc during the time that the mother was with my bf she was living with him and she was going to have a 2nd child she was 7 months preg and she told my bf that she wanted to get married so they did. she told him its his child its his daughter while being with my boyfriend she was with her other lover so she would be with my bf in the morning and her lover at night. his cousin followed her one day and she was going to her lovers.... so they went to court and he wanted a dna testing come to find out its not his!! so the mothers boyfriend doesnt know that my boyfriend was there at the birth of the mothers bf 's child and his name is on the certificate as the father... the mothers bf doesnt know that my bf last name is on his daughters last name and he doesnt know that they married while she was still seeing her lover and my bf son is abt 2-3 yrs old... so every time we go to court she lies saying that her son doesnt want to see my bf but really he does... so now we get weekends he only has visitations now he is going back to court for joint legal custody bc he wants to be apart of his sons life his school work just be there for him but she wants to put up a fight where she doesnt want him to have joint legal custody bc she has the sole legal pshyical custody so her boyfriend and her want the upper say on my boyfriend.... we try to communicate with her but we dont ever talk... we have to go thru the son's mother's mom (grandma) we ask can we pick him up early so we dont hav to be stuck in traffic but they say no we ask can we pick up early to go to havasu they say no its always no with us but when it comes to her calling us asking oh can i keep my son this weekend bc i have a party come up so my bf will say yes to let his son have fun ...... i dont know what to do... with those kind of people!!!

First of all, does your bf even know for sure that his son is his true biological son? It sounds like a lot of drama and I bet your bf son is confused and certainly not getting the peace he needs in his life to live happy. Your bf should follow the arranged visits and not try to pick him up early. Don't do anything to cause drama from your side. Just pick his son up as scheduled and dismiss yourself from all the negative interaction. You should be trying to create a positive and comfortable envioronment in your home. It sounds like you can not reason with the biomom and her bf so don't try. Leave the communication between your bf, the biomom and the attorneys. The fighting needs to end for the childs sake, he should be the focus here...

This sounds like a huge mess. It’s confusing for me to try and comprehend, I cannot imagine how the kids are feeling. Your boyfriend needs to get in to court and get a visitation schedule. That should stop all the arguing concerning pick up times and where the child should be. The next step would be getting everyone else to mind their own business. All issues concerning the child should be between the parents of the child. All these extra people are doing nothing to help. If mom and dad cannot communicate like adults for the sake of their children, then maybe they need to seek counseling.