My little Girl is trapped in a boys body? - FamilyEducation
My little Girl is trapped in a boys body?
08/28/2008 at 15:02 PM

Hello everyone.

I write this message hoping someone can help shine some light. In my 44 years, I have yet to be so challenged as I am with this issue.

My daughter is 11 years old and just started middle school last week. We have had several issues with her going back to speech delays at age three. She has been in speech therapy and  occupational therapy. She was an early walker, late talker, was way behind the curve on potty training. At age 7 she was diagnosed with ADHD and we tried medications until we settled on one hat seems to work for her. She has managed to get by in school and through elementary school but not without assistance with councelers and the ARD program. We have experienced behaverial issues with her over the years. We seem to argue alot about the day to day things she should be doing.

For the last 5 years, our daughter has wanted to be a boy and I believe in her heart believes she is a boy trapped in a girls body. She wants to dress like a boy, she wants to change her name to a boys name, cut her hair. Our therapist at first suggested it was a faze and we should go along with it for a while to see if she grows out of it. This didn't happen. In fact it got much worse. She actually fooled some kids in her class into actually thinking she was a boy! She was forced to admit the truth which i think was a huge let down for her and really exposed to us how this is not something that she can easily control. We continue to fight this as a family. The issue is ripping us apart as a family and really taking away of things we should be concentrating as a family.

I want to say there is a wonderful person inside her. Are we trapping it inside by making her be a girl? Are we making it worse? Is she old enough to really make know?

Has anyone ever heard of an issue like this one.? We need help.

Greg T


Greg, I don't really know how to advise you except from my heart. The only time I encountered this is with a neighbor girl who was sweet and shy but really looked just like a boy. She hated being forced to wear girl stuff and she was so withdrawn. I met her mom when the little girl was about 8 and we became good friends. Over the next two years her mother decided to just let the whole "girl" thing go and let Kelsey dress the way she wanted and cut her hair short. It was amazing how she came out of her shell. She played with my little boy, as he was just a little older than her, and she started to have conversation with me and others. She was so much happier being left alone to be who she wanted to be. I say if your daughter feels happier and more comfortable with herself dressing boyish then let her be who she desires to be and love her for who she is.

Greg i really dont k now which way to really direct you in but the only thing i can really tell u is what my grandmother told me is follow your heart and when you come down to that final decision hopefully you will make the best choice its not whats best for you but whats best your daughter so do what your heart tells you Te'

Greg- I'm sorry to see someone used your heart-felt plea to forward their political views. But for my 2 cents- there are plenty of support groups out there for transgender (someone "trapped" inside the opposite sex's body, i.e. a girl who believes she's really a boy) and transexual people as well as their families. I don't think it's as completely unusual as you may think-I went to college in a small mid-western town, and there was a large support group there. Check it out-they might be able to offer you and your daughter some better idea of what's she going through, whether it's 'just a phase' or something more life-long. Either way, the best you can do is what you've been doing-continue loving and supporting her and try not to get caught up in what others think or say-and be okay with who she is. Best of luck.

Greg, My heart goes out to you and your family. I just want to let you know, as a parent of a child in spec ed, I understand how difficult this must be for all of you. I personally don't think you shld discourage your daughter from exploring who she really is. As tough as this is for you, we can only imagine how much harder this is for your daughter. Be there, be supportive, and don't give up. Try to build your strength together as a family. Don't let this situation break you. Your daughter needs you more now then ever. That holds true for the rest of your family too. I wish you all the best.

Greg, I understand your concern. As a young girl, I was such a tomboy! I told my mom I watned to be a boy. I wore boy clothes, down to my socks and shoes, rode a boys bike, climbed trees, spit, you name it! I was that way from the time I was about 6 or 7 until I graduated high school. I even had a boyfriend while I was a tomboy! I was just more comfortable doing things boys did and I fit in a lot easier with boys. Now I am nearly 30 years old, and a mother of 2 children. I choose to wear dresses and skirts now and again but still prefer blue jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts, and sneakers! I just wanted to let you know it still could be just a thing that in time she will outgrow!

I can relate as when I was young and growing up, I thought I was a male. I wrote a book about my life growing up. It was very difficult living that way. But I'm glad that I did find my true identity. Visit my website:

Belive it or not thair are children that are that way.I knew it when my doughter was very young.around age 2 when she wanted to whare boy clouse.i tryed to put her in a dress but was the years went by and i couldent get her to change i just let it be it was hard because when we whent places we would get comments like shes a cute boy or heres one for your brother.she is 14 now and has short hair weres boy clouse and looks like a boy yes she is a bisexual....but i love her and i learned to accsept matter how much i tryed and the fights we had she just wasent going to change i had to dont worrie it will be alright just let her do her thing and be supporteve and no matter what love her is all you can do thanks

When I was little, I was CERTAIN that God had made a mistake and that I was meant to be a boy. I don't understand exactly why I felt that way, but I was convinced. But once I reached puberty and started to look more like a woman, I started to feel maybe I wasn't a mistake. It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I came to trust in myself. And at 29 and pregnant with my first child, I'm happy with all the wonderful things about myself that make me uniquely me - feminine and masculine all in one great package. I'm certain my family's unwavering acceptance of me is what got me to the point where I can love myself fully. No matter what your daughter ultimately decides, by loving her completely, fully, and unconditionally, she will grow into a happy and fulfilled adult.