My 7 y/o daughter is having sexual thoughts!!!! - FamilyEducation
My 7 y/o daughter is having sexual thoughts!!!!
05/07/2008 at 22:25 PM


Lately my daughter has been telling me things that are a little disturbing. While I feel good about her being comfortable enough to talk to me, I'm a little worried. So far I think I've kept my cool so she doesn't feel like a freak. Afterall, some of it is natural curiosity and I want her to continue to feel comfortable about talking to me about anything.

The reason I'm worried is because, being a female, I don't remember having these kind of thoughts until I was at least 10! Maybe I just don't remember? Of course nowadays our children are exposed to so much more at younger ages.

So here's what she's told me so far. It started off innocently enough....she was upset about having some dream about seeing her father naked. I assured her that was normal. Then she had another one where "his thing", as she called it, was orange and fell off. Ok, so I made her see the humor in that. She has a new found facination with the way her private looks....ok normal right...but she confessed to me today that she wants to show it to everyone. I told her that was wrong, privates are private yada, yada. She said she's kissed the dogs private (boy dog), ewww, of course that last secret made me ask why she would think it's OK to kiss privates. Wouldn't you think she's seen something or other kids are talking about oral sex, or godforbid someone did something to her?! So I drill her and tell her that sometimes adults do inappropriate things to children and may scare them to keep secret like threatening to kill them, their family, etc., and that it's a lie and to definately tell me if that ever happens/ed....a speech I've given many times. She's assured me that she hasn't seen anything and that no one has touched her. I believe her.

She is very upset over the thoughts she's having because she does know it's not appropriate. She did have an incident at our house a few months ago when a boy from school (whom we know for a couple of years) came over for a play date. He wanted to show each other their privates and she ran crying to her daddy and told him, who then sat them both down to talk about the innapropriateness of doing such a thing. I have just been reassuring her that these thoughts are normal and the more she worries about them the more it's going to bother her and linger in her mind. I guess I want to hear someone out there tell me it is all normal and what if anything else I should do or say.

P.S. She is an only child, has a 14 y/o step sister who does not live with us and very mature for her age.

Feedback/Advice would be very appreciated.


tamz has articulated very well my exact thoughts after reading through these posts.

I would add that I am not sure how one can be one hundred percent certain that no molestation has taken place. I of course hope she has not been.

But it is a fact that in the majority of cases, kids are molested by someone they know--a *good* family friend or uncle, for example. And you cannot tell who a perpetrator may be by outward appearances or manner.

If this were me, of course I would wish it all were just normal behavior, but I wouldn't be able to let it rest without seeking professional advice. Sometimes people need help to get back some sense of normalcy after things happen to them. This little girl may need that. Why take that chance? This is her life. If all is well, I would hope a good professional can reassure you of that. And if something is wrong, s/he can help her heal.



I appreciate your thoughts, but what can a Doctor do? I am assuming you mean her regular medical doctor? I dont want to drag her somewhere that might possibly make her feel like a freak either.

7 year olds don't normally think or talk about things like this so she has heard or experienced something. You need to get to the bottom of this for everyone's sake. I appreciate you don't want to make her feel different, but if you leave things as they are, can you be certain she is safe? If a child of her age came to me at work and told me things like this, I would have to pass on this information to our child protection team for investigation. It would most certainly be checked out. It could be just that she has been listening to some of the older children at school, but can you be sure? I don't want to sound alarmist but she is giving you a lot of detail there?

I appreciate your thoughts but if someone called child protective services that would do more harm then good. Afterall, like you said, she could be hearing things on the playgroud, which is what I am leaning towards. Are you a teacher? Would you call child protection without talking to the parents first? If so I feel bad for the children and their families at your school. I happen to work for a group of Psychologists and spoke to one of them today. I was stressing big time over all this. One of our female doctors, who is the mother of 2 girls, told me to not overreact or stress out too much. She said it was mostly normal and to just watch her and keep her comfortable to keep communication open. My daughter is very smart and we are very close. While I do not want her to grow up too fast and know too much too soon, I am certain she has not been molested. Thanks again.

Yes, I am an early years Educator and you do not have to feel sorry for the children and parents at our Centre as it has been proven to be the best in Britain. I could give you the details and the link to inspection reports etc. We are an international model and have visitors come to us from all corners of the world to see how we work. We are Edinburgh's flagship nursery centre. We have a very long waiting list for children. And if you feel the need to attack anything, attack my opinions, not me, as I know I am good at my job and well respected in our nursery community. You just did not want to hear anything like this, so maybe you should not have posted. If you have read many threads here, you will realise that we can all be brutally honest at times. Child protection would not be contacted until the parents had been questioned. That is paramount. It would depend on what was said at that meeting whether it was taken further. I am glad that you are certain that your child has not been molested though.

Im certainly not saying you are lying, but if one of the psychologists told you that your seven year old child kissing the dogs privates was normal then I would not have faith in her. I have three children and there have definitely been the times when they got curious about sex, but what is happening with your little girl is not "normal" and you should not dismiss it. Hearing things on the playground may not drive a little girls curiousity this strongly... There could be more to it. It seems you have dismissed the first two posters because you probably want this to be normal and just go away. If a child told me some of the things your little girl has said, I too would be concerned and report the issue. I would give the info to a professional because I could not be sure the parents would not just dismiss it or that they may be part of it. I am not AT ALL saying you are part of it, however.

My best friend confided in me when we were in high school. She told me her father molested her when she was younger. She said she kept this a secret for a long time, until she was in a sex ed class and the teacher was discussing pregnancy. This idea scared her, and she told her mom when she got home. At that point, her mom confronted her dad, and after questioning him, kicked him out of the house. A few hrs later he returned, denying that he ever did anything to his daughter. My friend's mother believed him and took him back. Today, my friend is a grown woman, finally married after many failed relationships and poor self-esteem. She has disowned her family, and now lives in a whole different country. She has finally, after all these yrs, found herself, but she still struggles w/ self-esteem issues, as well as control issues. I knew my friend's family very well, as I spent a lot of time at their home. Although I never witnessed any inappropriate actions, I always believed my friend. She has gotten professional help and is now doing somewhat better. But ask yourself. Do you want to take the chance and have this be your daughter? I wldn't.

juneig....where in my reply to you did I attack you? I asked if you would talk to the parents first and if not then I would feel sorry for the children. You answered my question after you got defensive. I even ended my post with thanks for your thoughts and I was sincere. I posted because I wanted advice not threats about child protective services like I am not protecting my child.

I can certainly understand everyone thinking hear. Obviously the same thoughts have crossed my mind or I wouldn't have come here for advice in the first place. I can assure you that I'm not going to just ignore exploring this issue further and making sure my daughter is OK. Thanks to all.

Sorry. I did not make myself clear. The chain of command for things like this in my Centre would be as follows - 1. A child discloses facts which do not sound 'normal' and give cause for concern. 2. I discuss this with my Head of Centre who is the leader of OUR child protection team. 3. Head of Centre calls in parents for a quiet discussion to disclose what has been said and to find out what the parents have to say. 4. Depending on this discussion we either - -drop it as it is clear nothing untoward has happened - Call in the police and Social Service teams to take over. Having read through your post again I guess you did not attack me personally but the place where I work and dedicate so much of my working and spare time to as I believe so much in what we do there. We are all very dedicated and that is what makes our nursery the best. We follow official guidelines. I did not make it clear exactly how it works. It must be very difficult for you being in this situation and you were very brave to come on here to discuss this. I think we all urge you however to see someone professionally for your daughters sake. There may be something going on and you will be thankful in time that you took action. It could be nothing, but at least you will know that you did your best for your daughter. Good luck with what you decide to do.

Of course I'm not lying. She didn't exactly say that the kissing the dogs privates part was normal, just the overall picture. I am obviously also not dismissing it. Someone said I was brave to talk about this and they are right. I bet most people would be afraid to with fear of exactly what is being said here....calling protective services. I don't know what that's like in Britan, but here in the US it could be a nightmare to innocent people. I am really glad she came to me first and not a teacher at school. I am having a hard time getting her in to see someone before July, but I am working on it. Thanks again to all.

Woohoo! I found your post AngieMama8 and I've read over what you've posted. I think the first thing I'd do if I were you at this point (especially after reading the other posts and your replies) would be to ask you to take a step back for just a moment and breathe.... You've gotten a lot of diverse replies to your dilemma and you're probably already to the point of overwhelmed. I know your first concern is your little girlie, as it should be. I think you should read all posts carefully, and don't take anything personally. Just look for facts to help guide you. I think a little professional help would be good for your kidlet. There are some really great folks out there whose only reason to start a day is to help kidlets and keep them safe. And you'd be surprised where you'll find them! In Alamogordo, NM, they have an organization called COPE. It is an organization that helps women and children primarily, but any family members who need help with various family dilemmas. I think most cities have their own versions of this organization, you just have to do a little digging. If I knew what state you were in, I'd dig some for you. But before I'd expose my kidlet to anyone, I'd want to meet with them first, at least once, possibly more. Explain the situation, ask them how they think they might want to progress from that point. Know what you're getting yourself and your kidlet into, before you get your kidlet involved. In the meantime, I'd keep a very watchful eye on my girlie, know where she is and who she's with at all times. I don't think anyone who's posted so far, has any negative advice to you, it just might sound a little harsh and scary right now..but your situation could be considered a little scary too. And in this day and age, everyone's first concern is your lil girlie. And the fact is that too often it generally IS someone the kidlet knows and feels they can trust, that ends up being the one who hurts our little ones. I think that's probably why some who've posted might sound a bit aggressive. But they're only trying to help you protect your kidlet. So maybe if you just take a moment, step back, take a couple of good deep breaths and then start thinking about what you need to do from here. Let me know if I can help you dig! Best of luck :)

Angie, Having a disturbing talk with my 2 boys today I started searching the web for the same answers and a similar problem as you. My youngest boy was caught by my mother inlaw with his cousin kissing each other in places they shouldnt. It just made me and my wife sick to think that they would do such a thing. So we had a talk with both boys and the older one says he also has been doing not approprate things with the other 2!! He also told us he has dreams about touching his penis. He says it just feels good and it helps get him to sleep and that is why he does it. Wow what a wierd conversation to have with a 8yo. We are trying to deside we should take them to a counsler or not. We have punished them for now for the touching of the cousin and forbid them to spend time without adult supervision at this point. I do not think you are alone but some kids just are not as open with thier parents as ours are. They would probely would no know what to think if their kids would open up. Stay strong and be a great example and a open mind.

Some children mature physically faster than others. In fact my mother hit puberty at the age of 8. It is common for some children to go through changes earlier and is very normal for them to become curious about these sort of things. She should not be nervous. Maybe she is going through hormonal changes earlier than expected.

Don't worry too much about what others say on this matter. For instance I disagree that your child needs to seek medical attention. That is a little far fetched. I will tell you that my mother went through puberty at the age of 8. Although it is more common for a child to go through hormonal changes at around age 11 or so it is not uncommon for children to physically mature a lot earlier. I would continue talking as you have been to her about the differences between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Don't be to shocked if in the next year she comes to you with the news of her period. If you are worried that she may not be able to handle these changes than I would suggest a private meeting with yourself, your daughter, and a child councilor who may be better suited to deal with this sort of thing. Don't get to freaked out. It sounds like you are doing the right thing.

My grandson who is seven was caught by his dad trying to get his 2 year old sister to preform oral sex with him. Prior to this, he was doing this with his 6 year old brother. What do we do is this normal? He is ADHD, but on meds. Is this serious?

I think it's normal for kids to explore their sex parts, but if it goes as far as you stated (trying oral sex), that's not ok. Also, if you're seeing a pattern here, like w/ your grandson's brother, something needs to be done. You're grandson needs to understand that this is not appropriate behavior. If you see that this behavior continues, I wld suggest bringing your grandson to a psychologist. Also, the younger siblings shld be told that if anyone, even their older brother, touches them or has them touch him inappropriately, that they shld immediately inform their parent. This is not to be taken lightly, and if let go, it cld become a more serious issue. Oh, and I don't feel that ADHD has anything to do w/ your grandson's actions. There are many children w/ ADHD that don't do this, so maybe there's a deeper concern you shld look into. Discuss all these things w/ a therapist who is an expert in this area. I hope this helps.

Some of your original message is enough to scare a parent, really. But, you have to remember also how dramatic some kids can be. She is talking openly and you've talked with a psychologist. I am both a mandated reporter working at a high school and a parent who has faced CPS, unexpectedly. I have to say it made me angry when CPS appeared on my doorstep, but it gave my kid a chance to get the help I was trying to get him. They check things out. As a mandated reporter, you have to make the report within 24-36 hours, that's the law. There is no time to talk with the parents and you only do it to help a kid, not hurt them. But back to the problem at hand. You have open communication, keep listening.

The reason I'm replying to this VERY old post is that it reminds me of an incident that bothers me a great deal because of the reaction it caused. I SAW my niece licking our dog's penis. Before that, in another incident, I saw my niece pretty much jacking off the dog as it just stood there. She was 4. I was the babysitter and in both instances, being VERY concerned, I wanted to know what was going on. In HER words, she wanted to see the red thing come out [of his sheath] and, in the second instance, when I questioned, she had noticed the dog licking his OWN 'red thing' and wanted to know why: He was licking it like ice cream cone! She wanted to TASTE what the dog obviously found yummy. I thought it was hilarious. When I laughed about it to my sister, she FREAKED OUT! My sister grilled my niece for 4 hours on every variation of "did some man abuse you?" THAT was my niece's 'sex education' and I'll never get over feeling guilty about it.

Sorry: This site doesn't translate line breaks as paragraphs... also, My post was twice as long and FAR more descriptive. 1,000 character limit on text is both stupid and doesn't improve server speed: I'm saying this as a programmer: The site is about stories. There's NO reason to make people succinct on this site. :D And.... have a nice day.

That s really terrifying.

AngieMama804 my daughter is also having these thoughts late reply but interested in knowing how your situation ended?? was it just a phase