Father returning after 18 years
12/01/2011 at 12:57 PM

We are a recently married couple who have been together 3 years. I have an 11 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. We are a strong family and my children treat my husband as there father and he treats them as his own children. My daughter has never known her biological father since he left before she was born. Recently, with my help, she has just got in touch with her biological father, we have always been honest with her about him and encouraged her to find him when the time was right.We are pleased and happy for her that she has found him.

Unfortunately as her mum as I am struggling to cope with lots of feelings that I didn't expect to have, I am happy for her but I am also angry, resentful, tearful and scared, I feel like I have brought her up for 18years and he walks in and gets the good bits,he has told her he wants a relationship and he is glad she got in touch,they are now discussing meeting up.

He has apologized to her for not being there saying he was scared. He has also made a comment about me saying that I had done something all them years ago that made him bitter towards me but he wont say what it is because he doesn't want to bad mouth me,unfortunately if he wont say what I am supposed to have done or said I cannot reply to his accusation. This has totally upset me and I feel like I am backed into a corner with no way of defending myself.

Any advice or comments which would help me deal with this would be greatly appreciated.

Sleep is a big problem for a lot of kids. One of my daughters discovered that her daughter fell asleep better if she had a nap in the afternoon, too. When I was doing day-care, I would have a time in the afternoon when the kids had to remain quiet on their mats/beds for all of Beethoven's 1st movement of his 1st symphony--it's about 10 minutes long. They could get up when the music stopped, but they usually slept. I'd wake them after an hour. Those that I had at night, I also used the music for bedtime: They had their snack & drink, brushed their teeth, had story, prayers, and went potty, and I asked them if they needed anything else. Then I put on the music and told them that they were to stay in bed until the music stopped. I would check on them after about 15 minutes. Once one boy was still awake--turned out he just needed to chat about some trouble he was having. I put on the music again and he went right off.


The only thing I worry about is--what happens when those kids are all grown-up and driving down the freeway, and Beethoven's 1st Symphony comes on the radio--they might fall asleep!


Is there a sibling, too? That would make things a little more complicated.


One of the things that made my strategy work is that the children could trust that if they weren't able to sleep, they could come out. It made it so they could relax and just wait for the music to end. That wouldn't work with you singing.


Oh, that stinks.