Exclusion - FamilyEducation
05/27/2008 at 11:17 AM


I have an eight year old boy who plays with several children in the neighborhood.  I have had problems with neighbors in the past.  Their daughter has bullied and exclused my daughter in the past.  There son has told my daughter that his sister hates her.  Now, he has excluded my son from his birthday party.  He gave the excuse that he ran out of birthday invitations.  I confronted the little boy, who asked me to apologize for him.  I told the boy he could apologize himself.

I know this is a parental issue.  The parents do not like me because I have said things to there daughter for bullying in the past.  But, I do not feel that my son should be excluded because they have a problem with me.  Why can they not approach me.  Why take it out on an eight year old?  They bring the child to the house to play.  My son does not look for him.  What is up with them?  Or is it me?  I did feel that something should have been said to the boy so he knows that it was wrong.  Or am I wrong for meddling?

Honest feedback please.

Thanks,   Zelda




First of all, I think it was wrong of you to confront your neighbor's child. I think you shld've gone straight to his parents. Like you said, this is a parental issue. You need to find out why these neighbors have a problem w/ you, if you don't know already. Then you need to discuss this problem w/out involving the kids. Once you get to the root of the problem, inform your neighbors that your children are being mistreated by their kids, and that you want this to stop. Tell them that it's a shame that you all can't be good friends, and that if any problems arise in the future, they shld come to you w/ the problem, not get the kids involved. I'm hoping their kids are not picking up on this friction, and therefore mistreating your kids b/c of it. In any case, speak to your neighbors, and have them speak to their kids. If you see that the situation isn't getting any better, maybe you shld encourage your kids to hang out w/ nicer children that won't pick on them. I hope my advice helps.

Just because two families live next to each other does not mean they all have to be friends. I think you should talk to the parents about any problems you have with their children as long as what the children are doing is directly affecting you. I also think you shouldn't WANT your child to be at the birthday party. From what you've stated, the parent don't like you, their daughter is a bully, and their son is a liar. Why would you want your son to be in the same house as them?

Here's what I can tell you.....I have been through this somewhat myself over the past two years with both of my daughters. There are two different neighbors of mine that have girls the same age as my two daughters. They were all friends when we first moved into our house and then their true colors came out. These girls were controlling, nasty, pushy, and irresponsible. The parents of one of them was simply clueless while the other set of parents knew their daughter had issues in the past with making and keeping friends. My older daughter ended her friendship with the one neighbor because she said that being her friend was more work than it should be and she didn't appreciate the constant problems. My younger child was different. I ended that friendship because this younger neighbor was just a huge source of drama and her parents were the kind that never thought their kids did anything wrong. I actually switched my child's school and everything to get her away from the situation. It was a huge blow-out. The neighbors did not think I had a right to not be friendly with them anymore and for my child to not want to play with their child. I absolutely have that right and especially if it is best for my family and my daughter that the kids just move on. So, that's what we did....moved on. No more parties, no more sleepovers, no nothing. Now the bratty kids that live next to us can watch my girls do these things with REAL friends that support them, get along with them, and are lovely young ladies. I don't miss the neighbors at all. I certainly don't miss the drama with their children for sure. I say move on. Forget the neighbors and let your kids play with other children that they get along with. You may have to go outside your neighborhood to do this but it is worth it. Have other kids over, let your kids play at other children's homes, do sleepovers, and have outings with other families that know how to act. I'll bet the nasty neighbors you have will be stunned when they figure out that you don't need them and that life goes on....without THEM!!!