EX is troublesome. - FamilyEducation
EX is troublesome.
10/04/2009 at 00:51 AM

Hi, I have a six year old child, son who has a great relationship with my husband, step dad. However his real dad my EX keeps coming in and out of the picture. I broke up with him when the child was one and half years. When the child turned four i went to court to get primary custody since the dad lives more than 1000 miles away. I moved away. He objected to it and asked for joint custody which i agreed just to get some peace. He however asked the judge to be able to claim to my son for taxes every other year which the judge granted him. He again refused to pay for back child support and threatened to fight for full custody and started calling my husband names and making false accusations out of hisown imaginations. He called him a babysitter once and a child molester!. My husband has been a good father figure to my son, he helps him with school work and has his interest at heart. My son wants to be a doctor like my husband.
My question is my son's dad has visitation rights but he had not come or given me a date to send my son to him. He is seen him twice since the kid was two and one time i took the kid to him since i happened to be in his state. He would write emails on the days he wants to come but cancells them or never shows up then he accuses me of not letting him see the child.
How can i prove that i did let him come but he never shows up. I had to terminate my Lawyer contract because my Ex is verbally abusive and will send threats on me to my lawyer. I agreed to have the child support the way my Ex wants, i agreed to joint custody and all that he wants.
However my husband is now getting mad because my Ex is taking advantage and wants me to send the kid to the dad. I do not want my son to go live with such a guy, My husband wants to be the only dad because he says it is so confusing to the kid. He is ready to take care of him since he does not have plans of having kids with me. How do i tell my Ex to give up his parental rights because he really does not care about this kid and all he wants is not to pay any dime towards the kid nut to harrass me everyday.

Why would your current husband who is a doctor and loves and cares for you son as much as you state, ever suggest sending your son to live with his bio-dad? This is a puzzling and disturbing suggestion. You and your current husband have known what your ex is all about for 4 years since you state your ex has only seen his son once since the child was two. Accept the situation as it is and do not even think about sending your son away. That is absurd. Your ex is the father of your son, no matter how much your husband and you want that to not be so. ALL 2nd marriages and blended families can be problematic, if you and your current husband did not realize this then that is your problem, not your son's. Do not make your child suffer because your husband is not getting the happy storybook family he wants. You and your current husband both need to deal with your reality in an adult way, not by putting your 6 y/o son in the middle of your issues with your ex. So what if your ex "does not want to pay any dime towards the kid"? Your husband is a doctor! My ex did not pay support for my children for years. I did it all on my own with no husband, never mind a doctor's salary! Is this about money or your child? If your current husband has your son's interest at heart, then money should not even be an issue.

This type of situation is so typical these days. Mom and Dad split, the mothers first instinct is to move the child away from the biological father and find a new man to play “daddy”. Next thing, the mother wants to terminate father’s rights because the new love interest is so much better than the father of the child. If this man is such a terrible person, why did you choose to be in a relationship with him, and also bring a child in to that environment? Child support is not the admission price to see ones child. If he is behind on support, take him to court. Falling behind on child support is not a statement as to what type of person or father this man is. Given the current economic issues I think it’s safe to say that many are behind on payments through no fault of their own. The father may want to come visit his son, but since you moved the child 1000 miles away, it may be more difficult for him to do so. Your statement saying that your new husband “wants to be the only dad” should infuriate any natural parent. A child is not up for grabs simply because a non-parent feels that it would be better for the child. The confusion was brought in to play after you chose to move 1000 miles away from the childs father. Your moving created a barrier of distance to serve your wants rather than the childs needs. My children visit their mother every other weekend without any confusion as to who we are, what the situation is, and knowing that each of us loves them. If the situation is confusing to your child, it is up to you as a parent to guide your child through it, not to allow it to remain as it is because you believe it will gain you tactical advantage in removing the rights of his father. As for his harassing you through your attorney; why has your attorney not done anything about the “harassment”? What you deem as harassment may not be legal harassment. It is evident that you want this man erased from your life to “get some peace” no matter the harm it will cause to the child.

Thanks all for your advice. I know i can not let my son go to his dad no matter what my husband thinks. Yes the dad as in my EX is the dad but all he wants is trouble. He is been given the right to see his son for the past six months and has not done so. Every time he calls he gives me a date then few days to that day he cancells the plan. When i confront him for not mentioning to the kid until he is actully serious of coming or has a ticket for the kid to go he starts writting stupid emails saying that i am not letting him come. It is just a cycle that is not ending.