Bullying - FamilyEducation
11/13/2007 at 07:24 AM

Hello- I am the mom of an 8 year old girl.  She has been in a private school since kindergarten.  There is a girl who has been there for the last couple years who has been calling my daughter terrible name and spreading rumors to the other kids and telling them not to play with my child.  The teacher decided to ignore us when we asked for help.  She never even talked with my daughter to find out what was going on.  Then she emails me and wrote my child up for stepping on the back of another kids shoe.  When the kid tattled the teacher asked my child and she said she didn't realize she did it and it was an accident.  The teacher told me she was written up for lying more than the incident itself.  I told her that I hoped it didn't leave scars on the kid that got his shoe stepped on like the emotional scars my daughter has from being verbally abused and outcast by her class mates, and that I wish the teacher would have stuck up for my child like she stuck up for the kid with the stepped on shoe.  She never replied and I didn't let my child go back to school there.  I feel like even the teachers are mistreating my child.  Has anyone else gone through this, and if so how did you deal with it?  I am up set that the children with the bad behavior have not been reprimmanded.  I am upset that the teachers allow this to happen and will not listen to my child.  She is starting a new school and is affraid the kids will treat her the same way and she now has many insecurities.  I do as well!  The new school seem to have a great "no tolerance" policy, but I wonder if the teachers/staff pay attention or listen when there is a problem?

Hey bizymom,


I am sorry your daughter is going through all this---if it does happen to her again I wouldn't stop at the teacher, I would take it on up the ladder to the principal and whomever else I had to take it up with---there should be a zero-tolerance policy and enforcement of that policy.  Hopefully, the change of scenery will help your daughter with her self-esteem and hopefully she will make lots of great friends at her new school.


Please keep us posted on how it goes for your daughter.






Thank you for the info.  Today will be her third day at the new school.  She is so happy there and seems to have a new attitude about learning.  It is amazing, and I am so glad for the change!  The people, staff and parents, are so nice too!  Sometimes I feel like I am on another planet.  The first day at school she said all the kids came over and hugged her.  Then at recess they all played kick ball together.  In a way, I am thinking this was a blessing.  The academics is even better, although we have some catching up to do in math.  I also haven't heard her complaining of stomach aches like she was when she was going to the other school.  I know from experience how important it is to listen to my child and to ask questions.  The things that were happening at her other school didn't happen in one day, they were going on for a couple years.  My daughter thought no one would believe her and I do not think she wanted to disappoint us.  The principal at this new school is very supportive as well and even teaches a class about bullying. It is great!


I know exactly what you are going through....I pulled my daughter out of a Charter School two weeks ago for  almost the same reasons and at first, it was terribly hard but I'm here to tell you our story so you'll see how things can change. First off....I am an ex-teacher and Vice Principal. There should never be a tolerance factor at all for bullying and girls especially can be verbally cruel to no end. It is a teacher's job to keep the peace in the class environment and also be fair in doing so. Lines of communication need to be open with problems of any kind. If the problem is huge, then it's time to call in the calvary...the Vice Principal, Principal, and Guidance Counselors. All these people are here to help and it's their job to do so. It sounds to me like this Private school you had your daughter in has failed you and also failed her. School is a safe zone....kids need to feel comfortable and protected. This was not the case for your child. You did the right thing by moving her to the new school for a fresh start when no one could take the time to listen to you about your concerns.  Here are my suggestions as I just did this myself with my youngest daughter when I did not feel the staff at the Charter School was doing the right things. One, ask to speak to her new teacher in private and tell them what has been happening and why she was moved to the new school. Ask for discreet monitoring of her progress and how she's making new friends, getting along with others, etc. Ask for weekly updates for the first 30 days. After that...maybe bi-weekly until all is calm. Second, put a call into the guidance counselor and explain the situation to them. They may want to have some sessions with your daughter to let her get this old scenario into perspective and also give her an outside platform to cry, talk, or otherwise air it out of her life. That's their job......they usually do it well too. Guidance combined with the teacher right now should do the trick. If not, and you see more bullying or harmful gossip problems....go up the chain of command. Keep in mind though that problems, of all kinds, will exist amongst the girls this age. It is common and your daughter needs to learn how to cope and also handle herself accordingly in these circumstances. She needs to have her own voice. Maybe some role playing with her at home would do the trick to show her how to handle awkward situations or problem children. It really does work and also gives her the confidence to take a stand. The good news is.....my daughter is now three weeks into the change of school and is doing wonderful!! The new friends she has made are supporting her and are well-behaved. As it turns out, if there are to be rumours or gossip in our case, it was on the child that gave my daughter a hard time. Seems that at this new school, the bully girl has got a reputation for being mean, a user, and does not have any friends from the neighborhood or in this public school anymore. YUP!!! She went to the Charter School because of this and it was her own demise. My child, however, has been warmly accepted and now has friends who see the girl who gave her trouble for what she always has been......trouble. It is sad, but vindication can be a wonderful thing for the child that needs it. Get your daughter the "behind the scenes" support she needs and discreetly stay on top of her progress at the new school. I bet you will find that the change in school alone was all she needed. I support your efforts and I'm here for you if you need to talk.


It is too bad that your child is less protected by bullies in the private school, than my son is in a public school.  Our school system has adopted a No Bullying process, where if a child/parent feels he/she is being bullied a conference is called with the two children and the principal.  If this doesn't solve it the parents are asked to get involved.  This has really helped the children feel safer at school.  This even holds true for the bus route.  Back to your issue... if you haven't spoken to the principal you should do so right away, as you have already went to the teacher and got no response.  If you have already talked with the principal and no action has been taken, then maybe bringing it up to the parent of the little "brat" would get some attention.  Good luck and remember you pay for your child to go to this school - if you are loud enough they will hear you!