FACTS OFLIFE - FamilyEducation
10/12/2007 at 06:13 AM

I have a nine year old and need to discuss this subject with her.  Can any one give me some advice on how to chat with her on this sensitive and often embrassing subject.  I have disscussed how babaies are born but have stalled on the whole"sex" issue.




Hey debbie,


Welcome to the boards.  I talked to my daughter a lot and early---I absolutely agree that you need to talk to her in an ongoing way.  One way I did it was by buying a few different books on puberty and sex that were good for her age group.  I gave her the books and talked about it and then she would bring the books to me and ask me questions or just want to read it together.  It was a great jumping off point for discussions and it made us both more comfortable to talk about these things.  My daughter is now 15 and she still comes to me and talks about this stuff---so it seems to have worked here.


Anyone else have any ideas?






This is such an important topic and is oftentimes overlooked because of shame on our part as parents. It is difficult, but worthwhile. My nine year old son has routinely come to me with his questions about sexuality and I agree that providing him with books and being open to his questions is a great way to start the dialog. Another thing I try to do is to be observant about his feelings or behaviors and look for developmental clues, regarding sexuality or other issues. For instance, lately I had noticed him touching his private areas alot while walking around the house, watching tv, etc. So I approached him during a time when things were quiet and it was just the two of us and brough up the topic in a gentle way. I incorporated an age appropriate book as a guideline and we discussed masturbation as part of a larger talk about oncoming puberty. I think it went well and I tried not to show my discomfort (and believe me it was hard!) or cringe, especially when he asked me questions like, "Do you do it?" My reply, "That's private." which came after a flustered moment on my part.

We did briefly discuss sexual predators, which I hate to even have to talk about, but feel it is necessary.

As long as you are trying and are open and appropriate with your children, I don't think you can 'do' the sex talk wrong.


My son is 9yrs to asking these quetions about sex. I think its best to be honest with your child. Buy a book designed for children about sex and read it with your child. Thats what i did. I answered every question my son asked watching the words that were used. Now he is happy for now but i also explained its private talk and not to talk to other people about it as its up to childrens parents to tell them about it. It worked for me , goodluck with it.


Rehearse in front of your mirror use all the correct words, can I say "penis and vagina"  to my child without turning blue?  How about "orgasm."  Write yourself an outline with all the important points.  If she is like my children, she'll tune out what she isn't ready to hear.  Tell her to be patient before you start, and when you are finished, tell her you will be bringing this up again once in a while, and that she can bring it up whenever she needs to, as long as just family is in the room.