Need advice on daughters and boyfriends - FamilyEducation
Need advice on daughters and boyfriends
07/05/2007 at 01:03 AM

What age is it ok to allow daughter to date?

My daughters friend is 9 years old and already has a boyfriend. She goes to movies, skates, and out to eat with the boy. He is around the same age. The friends mom and I spoke about this because my sister-in-law is doing the same thing and more....we talked about how wrong it was.......she told me that her daughter wasn't allowed to talk on the phone to this boy.....SO I WAS SHOCKED to find out these other things .....I'm guessing she lied to me because we just talked about how wrong this point I over reacting??? My daughter doesn't say alot about boys but I'm afraid that hanging out with this other girl may change that. This little girl is also into older guys but they are all on T.V.  She does get really upset if my daughter or anyone else says that the T.V. guys are cute. I know that she has a big imagination too. But that is the child in her, ya know. She also began shaving her legs at 8. I still don't let my daughter shave her legs but I have heard about it over and over again, because this child gets to. I don't want it to be this way with the boy thing too. When we all went to the pool together my daughter told me alot of things that worries me too. Like going around the pool saying things like "This is why I'm hot" making movements down her body as if she had "boobs".  I did mention to her mom in front of her and she tried to deny it. My daughter is very honest.........I know that she was telling the truth because those type of things bothers her. She also talks about getting boobs and tattoos. That scares me too.  Am I over reacting or do I need to get on board with whats "COOL" these days? Thanks.


Maybe everyone lets their 9 year olds date............


Hey mkj,

I don't know if I would call what the girl is doing as "dating" the boy.  They can't drive so they can't go anywhere without the parents taking them.  I am guessing at 9 they are in 4th grade, I don't think that having a "boyfriend" is really a big deal.  I would be more concerned about the other comments she is making.  My daughter had friends that were just boy crazy at a young age, that might be the case with this girl.  My daughter also had friends that shaved their legs that young, I didn't let my daughter shave that young, we waited and I told her what age I thought that was appropriate and needed.


I am not a big believer in changing ones views with what is cool, I believe that we all have to follow our moral compass and rear our children that way.




9 yrs old and having a boyfriend.  Sounds like the hair on the back of your neck are sticking up.  That feeling that something about this is wrong... Well, I would have to say I agree.  9 yrs old is a child and the word boyfriend should be matched up with someone a bit older.  If you and your daughter have a great relationship and communicate well let her know that just because her friend can, does not mean she can.  Then if your daughter is like mine talk to her frankly about boys.  That discussion is going to be what you make of it.  My daughter by 9 was fully informed about boys because she had one that had a crush on her and he was maturing if you know what I mean and he wanted to play doctor.  I was really glad we talked frankly to eachother and she let me know what he was saying to her.  She is 17 and still does not have or want a boyfriend.  We talk very frankly with eachother.  It has worked out.  A lot depends on your daughter and how comfortable she feel talking to you about this.  I believe the earlier you start talking to them about this the more comfortable they feel.  It worked for me. 

Anyone else have any words of advise?