finding out the wrong stuff the wrong way - FamilyEducation
finding out the wrong stuff the wrong way
08/04/2010 at 06:15 AM

Sorry I'm a newby here but desparate for some advice. My 13yr old daughter keeps a diary and today I broke the golden rule ( I know I know) and read it. How low can a parent go? Is this excusable? BUT what I've found out is she is having her 1st relationship with some boy from school who I don't know and she denies having even a crush on. A little bit of petting and kissing seems to have taken place-nothing tooooooo alarming however in a phone or text conversation this lad asked to see more of her so they've exchanged text pix of their private parts with him then asking if she'd touch herself and send him that pic too.-thankfully she refused this.
Help. Obviously i'm in a real hole here as this is all stuff she's put in diary so I'm not supposed to know but now i do how do I bring this up without destroying all her little trust in me.
In all other departments she is a typical messy, stroppy, self-centred acheiving teen and I'm sure she has no idea of the ramifications of her actions (pix in school yard being the least of mt worries).
anyway any conversation starters greatly appreciated.

You have every right as long as your child is living in your home to read her diary, check her phone and look at her computer. How you found out what she and this boy are up to is unimportant. Your 13 y/o daughter sexting, kissing and petting should be VERY alarming to you. By her actions, she has destroyed your trust in her, not the other way around. My advice to you is to immediately have a very frank talk with your daughter then have a face to face chat with the adults in this boy's life. Prohibit your daughter from any more contact with him before something much more serious, such as pregnancy, occurs.

She sent a picture of her naked private parts to anyone? Phone gone.

One of the things I read that lead to Phoebe Prince's cyber bullying, and to her suicide was sending her boyfriend a nude picture of herself. He then spread it around and everyone started talking about it online etc. Your daughter should know what she could let herself in for. Once that picture is his he can do anything he wants with it. When she says no, he now has a perfect way to manipulate her. I don't know if the police could help you get control of that picture back. If it was posted it is out there. Perhaps other parents on this site can advise you on the legal, and cyber aspects of this and tell you what you can do. Best wishes and prayers for you and your daughter.