I'm afraid to leave - FamilyEducation
I'm afraid to leave
11/09/2011 at 10:53 AM

My husband and I have been together for 16 years. I have been a stay at home mom to our 3 kids for 15 of those years. The last 3 years have been trying.He addmitted to cheating on me during our 2nd year od marriage....while I was home with our infant daughter. Since then everything has been downill. He tells me to just leave, that nothing in the house is mine anyway. He thinks because he "bought" our home and furnishings that I have had nothing to do with keeping the house functioning for the last 15 years while raising our kids. He always holds that over my head and makes me feel that I truly have done nothing. I'm scared to leave because I have no money,no college education and no means of supporting my kids or anywhere to go. Whats the first step?????HELP!!

You may need to try to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents. Let them know that you truly appreciate the fact that they are letting you stay with them, but that you need to be able to be a parent to your daughter and they are not helping you with this when they do not "back" you when you try to tell your daughter to do something. Grandparents spoil their children - but ask them to think about what it was like when they were raising you. They need to put things in perspective and remember that you are trying to raise your child in the best way you see fit.

Have a talk with everyone in the household,they need to understand although they did a great job raising their own kids,it's your turn and you need everyone to be on the same page,have them say to your children when she is hiding to either see you or not say a thing sometimes my mom gets up and walks out of the room to give me a chance to talk to my kids with out her being a distraction and it keeps her from wanting to "rescue" her grand children. Good luck chica!

Thank you both! However I have already spoken to them and they wanna do their own way with her. I told my mom that she had dad to help her and "back" her up. I have no one. She replied with well just because u r a single mom it doesnt mean u r alone. I also stated how my daughter is confused because they wont let me discipline her. They just scream and yell and go in their room. The only way to fix this is if I find a way to move out, then my daughter will have to listen.

Hey sweetie ~ I'm sorry things are so stressful for you. You *do* need all the support you can get right now ~ but it can be tough to "be the mom" when you're living at home. Your parents may be used to being in charge, and they may not even realize they're overstepping. If you think it's time to move out, are you working toward that goal? Have you evaluated your financial resources and considered what you need to do to be on your own? This process can take a while, so don't get too frustrated ~ just keep your eye on what's best for you and your daughter. Also, do you have a reliable support system in addition to your parents? Maybe it would help to join a group like Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS). They're fantastic! Also, here's a free counseling line if you want to ask some parenting questions or need help working out boundaries with your folks: 855/771-HELP (4357). It might be worth giving them a call. Just a few thoughts. Hang in there, and God bless!