Sibling Rivalry and Disrespectful - FamilyEducation
Sibling Rivalry and Disrespectful
08/07/2013 at 13:24 PM

Hi Everyone, New on here and am need of some advice.
I have a son who is 10yrs old and a daughter who is almost 9yrs old. They are always fighting with each other over ANYTHING! Whether is toys, video games, or even came down to looking at each other. They are abusive to each other at times. Hitting, scratching, biting, kicking. You name it. Its non-stop fighting and my husband and I are lost at what to do with that. I tried the "Get along shit" didn't work.. Time outs and make them hold their hands. Hugging each other. Grounding them to their rooms. Taking EVERYTHING from them. You name it, we've tried..
And than my loving 10yr old boy who is acting like a 30yrs stuck in his body sometimes. My husband and I have been together for 5yrs and married for 1yr. My husband is not their biologic father. He has been out of the picture since my husband and I got together. The biologic father was abusive to me for years till I finally got away and my son saw a lot of it, unfortunately. My son is very abusive to his sister and very disrespectful to my husband and me. To any adult really. He never listens to anything we say. Tell him to stay in the yard and he takes off. If he doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum like a 1yr old would. He's very angry all the time and when being punished he sometimes threatens to kill himself or run away. I'm lost at what to do. It breaks my heart all the time to see him like this. I swear he's always in trouble and I'm afraid he's going to be going down the wrong road. My husband and I argue all the time about what to do with my son. We are feeling more like referees than parents. Please help

There's no way to force siblings to get along but they should not be hitting etc. You can have them play separately for now knowing it always leads to fights. You can tell them under no circumstances is the hitting etc allowed. Learning not to hit is an important life skill. There's no way to force a child to not be angry - managing anger takes time. Someone needs to help him understand that he is angry and hear his reasons why. You don't say how he shows his disrespect but regardless of his anger,if you don't want angry or bad language in the house, make the rule and have everyone adults and children alike stick to it. Talk openly about the anger and wanting a more peaceful, happier household. Anger leads to nothing but more anger. Anger is often the way that sorrow and helplessness is expressed. What makes your son sad? Can some part of every day be devoted to him and doing something with him that he enjoys or is he constantly always angry?

In our family, sibling hatred all began when our parents FAILED to help my older brother lovingly accept me so he hated my guts and saw me as a menacing, unwanted INVADER and then we hated our little sister for the same reason = our parents FAILED to help us accept her rather than see her as a menacing, unwanted INVADER of our life. The only thins I can say is what I would have told my own parents, if I had dared to = GET PROFESSIONAL HELP to fix the terrible parenting mistakes you have made which is fueling our sibling hatred and bad behavior! My parents would have LAUGHED at this so I don't expect that you will take it very seriously either. Our parent's sad failures eventually led to my older brother ending up in State Prison for several years! FIX YOUR PARENTING BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!