Power Struggle - FamilyEducation
Power Struggle
05/05/2008 at 16:02 PM

I am 8 months pregnant and the father of my baby (Jim) has a 8 year old son.  We live together and share custody of his son with his Mom.  When we found out that we were pregnant the Son's Mom (Lee) went nuts....now things have calmed down and she is much more accepting to our faces.  Lee has not said much more to us, but has told several people that Ricky  is resentful to having a new baby in his Dad's house and that it this isnt going to be his 'real' brother or sister. I am very old school and demand respect and the rules be followed all the time...not just  whenever in our home.  This has lead to Ricky telling his Mom, and Lee telling people in public that I am mean and Ricky no longer wants to see me.  I am very upset by all of this.  Jim has stepped in and talked to Ricky, we have had sit downs with the three of us and Ricky and I one on one.  I'm not sure if I'm more hurt that he doesnt want this baby to be in his life or that he doesnt like me.  I spend more time with Ricky doing activities than both of his parents and spend time doing things that appeal to him frequently.  I have a gut feeling that most of our problems are arrising from Lee telling Ricky things..what should I do?  Where do I even start with this mess??

Wow! This is so unfortunate for Ricky and for his unborn sibling. I have an 8 year old son and he was so excited to learn that he was going to be a brother (not me, but his fathers girlfriend)... I completely believe that the issue is his mother telling him he is resentful.. for goodness sake, his sibling is not even here yet how could he possible be resentful?? His mother is resentful and she is a monster to do this to her innocent little boy. When I was pregnant with my now 8 year old boy, I took a class at the local hospital called "sibling preparation" my two other boys were 8 and 12 at the time. You and your husband should take Ricky to a class such as this and start to get him excited. You should also ask his advice on how to decorate the baby's room and tell him how much his new little brother/sister is going to love him and need him. You can't control his mother you can only control yourself and your home. Make this as great an experience as you can for Ricky within the things you can control and never ever talk badly about Ricky's mother to him.

Please for the sake of your baby do what you have to do to concentrate more on your baby and less on being hurt and upset over whether or not this boy may or may not "want this baby to be in his life or that he doesn't like like" you. He is an impressionable child, and his mother is a very jealous person. Once the baby is here things may get worse before they get better but the main thing is for you to have a healthy baby. Good luck!!!!!