none - FamilyEducation
none
08/24/2011 at 22:57 PM

Excuse for that I interfere … To me this situation is familiar. Is ready to help.

Start working with the 11 year old. Just completely ignore the others, because it is too big a job to change the whole family. I'm going to propose a goal for you, but you can change it so that it makes more sense for you. Here's my idea for a goal: My goal is for Kid A to politely obey me 80% of the time. What do you think? What would you change? These boards don't notify you when there's a change, but if you respond quickly, I'll try to respond quickly. Just hit the "All Recent Posts" in a couple of minutes to see if I've posted.
cid
27822

Well the 11 yr old is my biggest problem he acts like he is 4 like literally. He wants to whine and talk like a baby. He will be 12 in Dec. I have tried statrting with him taking time out to go over things and tell him tht he is what the others look up to. and tht I think he is more than able to do tht job I am asking cause he is so smart. but anything thing I have tried has just went out the window
cid
27823

You say he acts like he's 4. That makes me wonder--how old was he when his birth family broke up?
cid
27824

since birth... I have had him since he was almost 6 his mom and his father was never together. I was married to his dad and he cheated on me and had my son tht I am now caring for without his dad. I am remarried.. it is a long drawn out story tht I could write a book on.
cid
27825

I think you need to get into family counseling. You and your son have been in a stressful situation, and I think you need help to establish the relationship that will make your lives better.
cid
27826

we are in counseling... When I say I have tried it all I mean we have tried lol and are still trying it.. I just feel like I have lost control of my home. and don't know how to get it back
cid
27828

Have you talked to your counselor about wanting better obedience from the kids?
cid
27829

Yes and we have done everything tht she has given us to work on from diaries to letting my kids vent without getting in trouble (telling me what they don't like if they are mad ect.) charts letting them pick there punishments and sign the paper (house rules)
cid
27830

There's a thing from Boys Town about teaching kids how to respond to directions from adults. Let me see if I can find it. Give me about 10 min.
cid
27831

ok sounds good I am at work so I will be around all night... also my kids are they perfect kids when they are at someone elses home. Never give the baby sitter any problems or other family members. I ask WHY ME!
cid
27832

http://www.boystownpress.org/index.php/common-sense-parenting.html is a link to buy the book, which is just $14.95. The skill I remember from looking through an older book in the library about 20 years ago is something like "How to respond to an instruction." You teach the child that when you tell him to do something, he's supposed to repeat back what you said, and agree to do it, then he's supposed to do it, and come back and tell you he did it. I've modified that in my own family, because sometimes I don't know something important, like that my kid has a big project and doesn't have time for chores, so I also taught my kids to negotiate.
cid
27833

Because the oldest boy might have an especially difficult time, you might want to start with the 9 year-olds instead.
cid
27834

I'm going to turn in. I think you could find the Common Sense Parenting book cheaper on Amazon. Goodnight
cid
27835

Thanks for all your help
cid
27836

When you say the 11 year old acts like a 4 year old, it could be that he is stuck at being 4 years old in some aspect of his personality. When people have a significant trauma as young children, they frequently stop developing in some way. Talk to your counselor about this.
cid
27852

EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE One meaningful form of discipline is to make children feel the unpleasant consequences of wrong behavior. (Galatians 6:7; compare Exodus 34:6, 7.) If, for instance, your child makes a mess, cleaning it up by himself may make the strongest impression. Has he treated someone unfairly? Requiring that he apologize may correct this wrong trend. Another form of discipline is the denial of privileges for a time in order to drive home the needed lesson. In this way the child learns the wisdom of sticking to right principles. -Taken from The Family Happiness Book pg 61 published by Watchtower Tract Society
cid
28022