bedwetting/useing diapers
07/01/2007 at 12:23 PM

i recently put my 12 year old back in cloth diapers and plastic pants for bed wetting due to the cost i chose this type but hes been in for 2 months now he tells me that he kinda likes wearing them at nite and wants to use them in the day --- im confussed i thought this would help him to stop wetting any help on this ?? im not sure if he just likes to wear diapers or i dont know .HELP!!!! 

The problem is not that he has decided he likes this arrangement. Bedwetting at 12 is a serious problem. Has this been  happening for all of the past 12 years or did he just start bedwetting recently? I get that you thought he would be embarrassed and not want to wear the diapers to bed and therefore stop bedwetting, but this is no longer 1960 or 1970! (Using embarrassment as a means of parenting was normal back in the day). If this is a new development (wasn't a problem until recently) then he needs counciling/therapy. If this has been ongoing for a long time, you need to get some real help. Speak with his doctor, take some parenting classes. You are only going to get ideas and opinions here. I wish you the best of luck. Being a "lonedad" can't be easy. But like dads, moms don't come knowing all of the answers either. We all keep learning from each other. So I am happy that you are reaching out. God bless you and hang in there!

cid
825

been to the drs he said deep sleep and being lazy was the problem no medical excuse. therpy is expensive ?

hes been a wetter at nite since birth im only doing this because i cant buy any more mattresses .

what im concernd with is he wants to wear during the day hes never wet during the day??  im not going to let him at this point !! but will continue at nite.

ive been on web sites where teens &adults like to wear diapers its called infantilisim not sure i like this !!!

why you ask have i been looking at these sites i was looking for bedwetter sites theres a lot info with just a few keystrokes.  so the question is should i let him wear during the day ? as far as im concerned i would let him if he was going to wear out side with his friends i know this is not going to happen ! i hope any ideas ? 

cid
831

I have two heavy sleepers. The first would sleep right through bed wetting. If I tried to wake her, there was much screaming and crying. Turned out, she wasn't actually awake. My third kid was the same way, except he does not sleep through it. He is just awake enough to scream and cry. Neither kid remembers A THING the next day. My husband and I would get up the first kid about an hour and a half after she went to bed and half carry her into the bathroom. Finally at 9 she outgrew it and would wake up to get to the bathroom. We found this technique does not work with the third kid. We make sure we limit his liquid intake, tapering off starting in the early afternoon and making sure he does not get too much to drink at least an hour to an hour and a half before bedtime. Sips are OK, but that's it. We also discovered that the crazier the day was for either of them, the more likely an episode would be for them. I know other parents who have gone through this same thing and survived. Here's what I recommend:

1. Do not negotiate with your child. You are the parent, you set the rules.

2. Explain that you will be waking him to go to the bathroom (you may have to set your alarm if you are an earlybird yourself). If he anticipates it, he will be more receptive to being awakened. You may have to experiment with this. One couple said they had to set their alarm for 4:30am to do their bathroom duty with their son. (After a while, their brains get used to getting up at the same time to go to the bathroom and their sleep patterns start to change to accomodate the schedule).

3. Cut off liquids prior to bedtime. (Again, experimentation may be order - an hour, two hours, etc.)

4. Make sure he knows that as his parent, it is your job to help him be the best person he can be. It is his job to BE the best person he can be. Help him see that people do not wet their beds at night, so part of being the best person he can be would be to learn this new behavior. (Those two statements help with laziness, as well! When my 8 year old son makes a choice to be lazy, I will ask him to remind me what his job is.)

5. Finally, keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Know that you are teaching him a skill that will last him a lifetime. Be proud of the job that you are doing (this will help you in the middle of night when you think it will never end). Keep saying to yourself, "this is a temporary inconvenience for a permanent improvement". He will see that you don't think less of him for his behavior, he will see that you mean what you say. He will see that you love him enough to help him become a great person!

PS. The part about wearing during the day?  I think it is part of his negotiations with you. At 12, he's still a kid. It's safe to be real with you and it's safe to see how far he can go with you. You don't have to respond to every single thing he says.

PSS. On the 5 year old's bed I have a plastic mattress pad (goes on the mattress like a sheet, then the sheet goes on top of it. Wipes clean with a wet wipe!). Finally got to get rid of the one on my daughter's bed last year! Target, like $6 or something!

 

cid
834

Bed wetting can drive you demented, I know! I was through it all with 2 of my kids, one wet until 13, the other stopped at 9.

 

I had tried medicine, limiting liquid intake etc but what finally worked was actually getting the child to drink lots of water during the day and then not rushing to the bathroom at the first sign but holding it for a few mins at first and then a bit longer. Cut out fizzy drinks and stick with water, it took a few weeks but then it worked.

 

As for wanting to wear the diapers during the day, are you sure he's not just trying to get at you so that you will take him out of diapers completely, after all he probably doesn't want to wear them at all. Buy a rubber sheet for the mattress and then put an old blanket/towel under his bedsheet and try and persevere for another little while, but I would get rid of the diapers immediately.

 

Mum of 3

www.mumspage.com

cid
853

well thanks for all the ideas as far as nitetime diapers he going to stay in them as for day time were going to camp this weekend which is very remote i am going to give him a choice if he wants um go for it. i was a bedwetter at his age and i did not want them at all but what mom or dad said was law!!!!!! so i just stoped wetting at the age of 14 so thanks have a wonderful 4th of july lonedad! 

cid
891

well we went to camp as planed i told him it was ok if he wanted diapers during the day he did not !!! yes !!!until it was a rain day then he asked me to put him in a dry diaper for the the day as much as i wanted to say no!! i did it anyway he was a tropper he used the out house insted of his diaper during the day. we have a generator for elec he played video games. i just was stuned that he could sit there in his diaper and plastic pants and a t-shirt

like no one was there  i love my son but i think I" need help!!! is this ok with parents today !! i told him i did not understand what he was doing. he told me he liked the way it feels and that i was ok with it i was speechless.

did i miss something because in my day diapers were not ok!!im not sure i like this but i want the nite time wetting to stop. so i told it was ok to wear during the day only when we were at camp and it was raining.he said ok.  anyone else got a pre teen who likes diapers!!??

cid
930

You've gotten a lot of responses from people who are actually parents and are thinking what's actually socially accepted, but i'm completly different. I'm a 14 year old with the same feelings as your son. I can understand why you are worried about your son. But there is nothing bad, or terrible about wearning diapers. It's not socially accepted, which is the only bad thing that comes from these feelings. It might be Emotional or it might be Sexual, might be a bit of both. Either way; you're not going to change your son's feelings about this. He 'just has' these feelings, won't know how or why... just does.

I'm lucky. My mum accepts me for it. These feelings are who i am, she knows that. I know a lot of people who's parents got so angry, or so worried and send them to a therapist; this is wrong. It's your son, you should love him for who he is.

Now it is upto you whether you let him wear diapers during the day or not. But yeah, you should set some guidelines. Like only when no one else is here, not in public, etc. You could very easly just buy them for him, and just let him have access. It's really what you think is good, and not.

My mum understanding me for this was one of the best things that i could have asked for. I want you to know how much it means to him :)

There is some sites, for this kind of stuff too, has a lot of good articles you can read.
http://understanding.infantilism.org/
a great site for you.
http://teenbabynet.org/viewtopic.php?t=4665 this is a very very good place to learn what exactly it is, too(might need an account).
They should answer any questions you have, if not I'll check back here in a few days.

cid
1040

I too have a bedwetter. He's 13 and wears them all day because he has a urinary incontinence problem. I agree with using cloth diapers. First they are less expensive. Second, they are ecologically safer for the environment. It's more work but I run a daycare and so I have to wash a lot anyway. My question is, does he accept the diapers or is he upset about it?

cid
5557

Therapy may be expensive, but I think you and your son should find some help. None of this is normal and you should be helping him to be an independent and capable young man, not helping him, at 12 years old, to behave like an infant.

cid
5558

I don't know much about this issue, I can only guess. First I wld think at age 12 that this is a bladder control problem, and I wld bring your son to a dr who specializes in this area. If this is a physical problem only, I don't know if I wld bring him to counceling right away. I wld do counceling, however, if this problem is affecting your son emotionally. I'm sure to some extent it must be. As far as your son liking the feel of the diaper, my first thought was he's 12, and this is a sexual thing, but I don't know. If you feel this is in any way related to infantilism (like you suggested), then I wld definitely seek counceling for your son. It wldn't hurt to rule these things out. In my opinion, though, I wld try to steer your son away from wearing diapers during the day, and only have him wear them at night. I wld also try weaning him out of diapers at night eventually, and maybe offer him another alternative, like boxer shorts. I hope this helps.

cid
5573

Your son is 12 years old, he needs some assistance in moving into adolesence. You should be steering him toward getting out of diapers lonedad. Im glad to hear that he decided not to wear them at camp. Truely, most the other boys are not wearing diapers or even bed wetting. You need to seek couseling for yourself and for him.

cid
5590

I agree with most of the comments here that you should be helping him overcome this challenge rather than enabling him to embrace it further with diapers any time he wants. He's apt to have trouble with his emotional development and feeling confident around his peers if he's wearing diapers. Kids don't always make the best choices for themselves - that's why they need us as parents to guide them. He may very well have emotional issues contributing to the situation. Not having his mom around could be a part of that. Therapy doesn't have to be expensive. Most health insurance plans these days will cover a certain number of sessions if you get a referral from his primary care doctor. I'd suggest seeing another doctor. If your doc is telling you he's lazy and not giving you any strategies to deal with the situation, he's not doing his job. Another way to get counseling for less (or even free) is to go to a counseling center where they supervise recent graduates working towards getting their licenses. Most therapist licenses require 200 hours of 'supervised' therapy hours before they can take the licensing exam. (My dad, step-mom & sister are all licensed therapists.) Supervised therapists are generally people who have already completed their Master's Degree, and are well-trained to begin working with clients. The supervisor does not usually sit in the sessions - the new therapists may meet with their supervisors once a week or so to discuss their clients and the strategies they're using to make sure they're on the right track. You might try contacting universities or nighttime grad schools in your area for suggestions. One more idea is to go through his school. They have school counselors as well that may be able to help identify if there are any underlying emotional issues contributing to the bed-wetting behavior. However you choose to handle it, remember YOU are the parent, and it's your job to guide him through his struggles and teach him to become a happy, healthy, confident man.
- Kristin
The Satin Button

cid
5592

Wow Kristen you really provided some great suggestions for this dad! I hope, lonedad that you will take this advice and begin a path towards indepencence for your son. Kristin said it perfectly " Kids don't always make the best choices for themselves - that's why they need us as parents to guide them." Please think about this...

cid
5604

Your son wishing to wear diapers in the day time after you put him back in them at night.
May be a safety net for him even though he may not realize this. And if he does wear diapers because they feel good i.e. sexual feelings, this is better than him going out and having sex with a girl. He will be getting into sports soon in school and his wearing diapers will be replaced with other things. He is entering puberty and this is a scary time for teens. Because of illness I have had to wear diapers most of my life.
I still managed to finish college,get a job with the Park Police and other security jobs and live a normal life even though most people around me knew I had to wear diapers.
Even if your son ends up wearing diapers all his life because he wants to, what is the harm. He is your son, love him because he trusted you enough to tell you about his feelings concerning wearing diapers.

cid
5643

Not advice but incite.
It was at age 9 that I rediscovered diapers. At the time I didn’t fully understand my feelings, but there was no way I was going to talk to my parents about it. That is not the kind of relationship that we had and there was no way that they would accept it. So for most of my life I hid my true self from family, friends, and eventual my wife.

Now I am 38 year old husband and father of 2 children. I have a well paying job, own a home, cars ect. The point is that other than my liking to wear diapers I am a normal person. I have had in my opinion a successful life. My wife dose know (after 15 years of marriage we finally had the conversation that I had dreaded all my life) and she accepts me for the me that I really am. On the other hand my relationship with my parents is still strained.

For me it has been 30 years of not being accepted and my feelings never changed, but neither did our relationship. I hope that it works out for you and your son. My children are precious to me and I love and cherish them no matter ware the winding road leads us.

cid
6279

when i was about 7 i became interested in diapers and still am now at 14. during this time i have found uses for this interest. a friend of mine wet the bed every night and was embarressed to tell me. there parents talked to me about it and we reached the agreement that while i was with them i would pretend to wet the bed. it was a good idea and now even though they stopped(and even though they know i wasn't a bed wetter) we still play games with diapers and nappys. it is easier to stop thinking about diapers when there is someone else to wet them with.

so my opinion is that if he wants to let him and even join in some times to make him feel more comfortable

cid
6512

Try 1 teaspoon of honey before bed time and see if this helps with the bed wetting.
It really does work with many kids, do not give to potty train a toddler because you are not suppose to give honey to kids under 2 yrs old.
I come from a family of bedwetters,I think boys are affected more than girls.
If the honey don't work after 4 or 5 nights just discontinue giving it, no harm with a natural food.
This is an age old remendy that really help us.

cid
6698

Grandma G,
My boys (5 and 3 1/2) still sometimes wake up wet. I know they're still young yet, but I think I'm going to try your remedy. I'll try anything at this pt! Thanks! I believe there's some truth to these remedies, although some people are sceptical. Have you ever heard of sucking on a lemon to get rid of the hickups? Also, drinking water from the opposite side of a glass while bending forward really works for hickups too! I know it sounds weird, but you shld try it. Just curious: What is it about honey that helps w/ bedwetting?

cid
6701

Taking a teaspoonful of locally produced honey a day can help fight hayfever too.

cid
6707

He is relating the confidence he feels at night to wanting that feeling during the day. The diapers are only teaching him of an easy way out of a difficult situation. He is confused and doesnt understand the severity of the bedwetting issue. Take away the cloth diapers and plastic pants. Buy an inexpensive plastic cover for his mattress and a few extra sets of sheets. When he wets the bed, make him change his sheets and wash the soiled ones. This will teach him responsiblity for his action. My son is 12 and wets the bed occasionaly. I do not even discuss it with him. He understands that he cannot control it and he will eventually grow out of it. But when he doesnt wet the bed, I make a big deal out of that. I wet the bed until I was around 13 years old and so did his father. There is nothing you can do about. Your son will grow out of it when his body is ready. But he is way too old to wear diapers!!! That will surely mess his head up later down the road.

cid
15032

We have a 4 year old that has issues sometimes with bed wetting which is expected for a kid his age.
I purchased two quilted pads (the same kind used at healthcare facilities)... and they are a blessing!!! They absorb a ton, and the bedding stays dry.
The 4 year old is expected and reminded if needed to place ALL soiled bedding and clothes in the hamper so it can be laundered promptly. We do not expect him to run the washer and dryer.
He is working on the bed making skills currently, and neither D. or myself make an issue of it.
I fail to see any benefit from allowing a child that is 12 years old to wear diapers, overnight or otherwise.

Oh and if it continues there may be something physically wrong , it may not be a laziness or a mental health issue at all.

Carol
Crosby, MN

cid
15075

In my opinion it's not ok to wear diapers at the age 3 and after! Especially a 12 year old. My suggestion is - don't give him any liquid 2 hours before bed, put a material under his sheets that doesn't absorb liquid (don't know what it's called in english), and ask him to get up when he has to go in the middle of the night (i'm serious about the asking part). NO DIAPERS, even at night. Using diapers at night gives him the message that it's normal to wear diapers. But what is a parent for? To teach their children what's right and what's wrong. I taught my 1.5 years old girl to use potty in daytime, and at nighttime I lessen the amount of liquids she intakes, and also I lay the material I mentioned above under her sheets, and she doesn't even have anything to pee at night. And I also asked her to call me when she has to pee at night, and only once she had drunk much liquid and at 4 a.m she awakened me and said she had to pee (1.5 years old!).
Tell your son that his friends don't wear diapers, and they'll make fun of him when they learn it. Tell him that no girl will want to be his girl when they know about it. Maybe it will make him become a man?
The best of luck to you!

cid
15110

Dear lonedad, I really feel your pain. Sounds like a night time bedwetting issue that's just gotten out of control. Lots of great advice here. My 7 yr.old son also had a bedwetting problem at night. He potty trained in the daytime very easily at the age of 3, but never stayed dry at night. Luckily we had a very good Dr. who explained to us that some children sleep very deeply and that their brain then doesn't make the connection with their bladder that it's time to wake up. Most kids just grow out of it. But, I also believe that if we let it go too long we are further training the brain not to ever recognize that the bladder is full. After ruling out physical problems, we tried everything from holding fluids, to waking him up at night.

Our success came from a little device called the NiteTrain-r. We ordered it from www.onestepahead.com. It was a little pricey but well worth it. It is, basically, an alarm that sounds at the slightest amount of moisture. They are awakened before they actually wet the bed. It trains the brain to wake when the bladder is full. It woke our son once a night for about a week. He would then go to the bathroom, we would put the device back on and send him back to bed. It took only 2 weeks! He has been dry ever since. Not even one accident. You will get less sleep until the problem is resolved, but who cares. We have a lifetime to sleep. You need to wake with him and make sure he is waking and going to the bathroom.

Your situation is a little more complicated because of your sons age and the fact that this may have effected his phsyche negatively. He is also at an age where everything is becoming sexual. He definitely needs some boundaries. My suggestion would be not to allow diapers during the day. He may need some counseling even after the bedwetting is handled. But concentrate on one thing at a time. It's too overwhelming any other way.

Don't feel condemned as a parent. We do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. You sound like a very loving father who does not shame your son. Nip it in the bud now. He will come out of it stronger and more independent. Remember, our job is to prepare our children to be out on their own. I hope this helps lonedad. Be blessed!

cid
15480

These are the best especially for heavy weters. There is also less chance of diaper rash.
One tip is that Sam's has a produce called Odo-Ban. If you mix a couple of ounces with water and soak the wet diaper for 20 min. there is no smell and they can be kept until you have a load to wash.
this product also kills microorganisms.

He will not stop being wet until his bladder grow to hold 260 ml.
You can measure this by having him hold until he can't any longer and measure the amount of urine when he goes.

cid
15804

You should seek Professional help for him,before the enjoyment of diapers causes you more serious problems.

cid
15871

I don't agree with some of the replies. If the lad is comfortable in a diaper at night, that should be his choice as the way to deal with his sleep wetting. That is what the garments are designed for. Claiming that they are babyish and humiliating insults the many older children and adults who have bladder and bowel problems and use diapers to protect clothing and bedding. They are not just for infants and do not have to be seen as humiliating. Waking up in urine-soaked pajamas and bedding every night and having a smelly room is a lot more humiliating than dealing with a diaper and pair of plastic pants that can be kept in a container and discreetly laundered. Let him have a good night's sleep. Tell him to get to the bathroom if he wakes up in time, but if he doesn't, then the diaper will let him have a full night's sleep in a warm, dry, comfortable bed without having to lie awake in his own urine. That will also save him, and you, the embarrassment and extra work of stripping and laundering sheets, blankets, pillows and comforter every day. Making him sleep in a cold, wet bed or get up in the middle of the night to change it (perhaps more than once) is not going to stop his sleep-wetting. That's just plain cruel. He likely feels a sense of comfort, reassurance, protection, safety and security with the diapers, which may be why he proposed wearing them during the day. I wouldn't panic. The first time he's out playing and one of his friends sees him in them will be the last time he puts them on in the daytime. He also shouldn't be forced into counseling. Talk about how to humiliate him and make him feel inferior, inadequate or even degenerate! Some of these posters have their own agenda and are inserting their own anti-diaper bias into your child's (and your) decision-making. Since your post is 2 years old (and presuming it is a legitimate and truthful post), it would be interesting to see if he has grown out of it or still wets at night, and if he still prefers diapers to deal with it. Cloth hold the most and are the most comfortable and environmentally friendly. That requires plastic pants, but those should be worn at night no matter what kind of diaper it is since disposables don't contain as much and tend to leak. We once took care of a pre-teen child for several days who wet the bed. We tried all the ideas offered by the other posters. (No liquids, getting him up, encouragement, etc.) Every night he was still soaked from head to toe, and we had to change bedding in the middle of the night and do tons of laundry every day. I really wished his mother had sent diapers with him. The point is, let your son decide what he is most comfortable with, and support him in that. And regardless of some of those who think he should be counseled, if he continues to choose diapers and plastic pants, don't make him feel like a freak for doing so. He'll stop wearing them when he no longer wets in his sleep.

cid
16851

It has been l 1/2 years since your origional post. I pray the your son has outgrown this problem. If he has not...my son wet his bed frequently. He was also a deep sleeper. The trick is to have them drink lots of water throughout the day and hold it, when they feel the urge to go, time them to see how long they can hold it and have them drink another glass of water at that time. They are training their mind to know when their bladder needs to be emptied. Prior to bed, have them drink more water. I know it sounds weird, but their body will realize a full bladder over a partial and awake them. Also have them go to bed without any underware or PJ bottoms on...just a t-shirt. Put a shower curtain on the bed (to save your mattress) to hold the urine. They will feel the puddle. If you can afford it, purchase an alarm that senses wetness. When they do wet, get up with them and have him splash water on his face to wake him up fully then have him go to the bathroom to completely empty his bladder. If he will not get up to the alarm, wipe a wet washcloth on his face to wake him. Keep track of his progress. Best of luck to you and your son.

cid
18328

Frankly, I am highly doubtful of your doctors' assessment of this situation.

Anyone with any degree of intelligence should be dubious of the idea that ANYONE would spend the night in a cold, wet bed as a matter of "laziness". The idea is as absurd as the ignorant people who might subscribe to it.

In this day and age, the information regarding this situation is readily available-and the antiquated approaches employed by the less than intelligent would be laughable, were they not so tragic.

Get a different doctor, discuss the problem with them, and inquire about the proper medications, such as Desmopressin to HELP your son deal with this issue.

Most educated parents are aware these days that this is an issue that is likely physical in nature, and quite likely, is hereditary.

Waterproof sheets, discretion, and other approaches are helpful. If diapers work, and are not humiliating to your son, ok, I guess, but the likelihood is that it is humiliating.

A good nights sleep, free of embarrassment and humiliation is a powerful thing, mentally. It may be that your son is urge incontinent to some extent, and therefore wishes the security of protection during the day-but these things can easily be skewed in the mind of a young person, so it is best to take the utmost of care in proceeding.

As a person who grew up with this problem, and dealt with being punished, and humiliated, by parents who supposedly loved him, I can tell you first hand that it is most devastating.

All of that pain growing up, and one conversation, and one prescription, and my pain was over. Amazing.

The problem? A bladder that does not communicate to the brain while sleeping before the relaxed muscles release urine.

Some of you people should REALLY spend a small amount of time thinking.

cid
21409

When I was young i wet my bed most nights and my mom would not diaper me. I had a friend who also was a bedwetter and his mom diapered him. I would spend alot of Friday and Saturdays nights there just so she would diaper me too and It Felt So Much Better Waking Up with Just as wet diaper and dry bed, She talked to my mom and finally she started to diaper me. fter that I felt much better about myself and at school my grades improved. Now many years later I have to wear diapers at night and my wife is so unstanding.

cid
23929

Just to let you know...he's faking. He has posted numerous times. He is what's called a Adult Baby or Diaper Lover.

cid
24262