5 yr old doesn't listen or respond to discipline - FamilyEducation
5 yr old doesn't listen or respond to discipline
05/02/2009 at 23:11 PM

My 4 1/2 yr old son does not seem to remember "rules" from day to day. I feel like I'm battling the same bad behaviors every day. Am I expecting too much? He is my oldest (i also have 3 yr old daughter). I'm new to this and have tried all the methods suggested by my parents. We are consistent. His pre-school teachers say he acts well for them- "all boy" they say. Is he capable of listening and remembering simple rules from day to day without having to be reminded several times throughout the day? Is this an indication that something may be wrong with him or is this a failure on our part? I encourage any and all suggestions, please. I'm desperate to help him so we can end this constant head to head battling we do every day.

I'm also not trying to say that my son has to have something wrong with him to cause his bad behavior. Medically, I guess I mean to say. Are some children just more headstrong than others? Is this caused by the type of parenting they receive?

If he follows the rules at school, but not at home, it only shows that his disobedience is selective, and can be controlled by him. It may be that the punishments at home need to be reevaluated. He no doubt understands what you expect from him, he just needs the motivation to care enough.

He is very good for others- I admit. I am at a loss though on how to "reach" him.SnglDad mentioned that he needs the motivation to care enough to obey. Any suggestions on how to accomplish this?Also on this site I've just read an article on the "Defiant Child". Very interesting to read, but I also admit shocking. My husband and I both could see that this could easily be our son( the resemblences in behavior)Does anyone know more about this defiant child thing?

Think about when you see the blinking red lights looming in your rear view mirror. You slow down and pull to the right because you know that you must. You probably have never had an officer pull a gun on you. The officer doesn't have to. You both know that he has authority. Right now, you don't know that YOU have authority. Think how frightening it would be to live in a world where there was no authority, it would only be OK if there were no bad guys. You owe it to your son to take on the responsibility of being the final authority. It is a big responsibility to figure out how to use and not abuse authority. Find people who do it well and model your behavior on them. Read more of SnglDad's posts. He seems to have a real handle on finding the balance.

Before reading sngldad's post, I was thinking the same thing. Talk to the teacher about her strategies, and do your best to carry them out at home. Continue to be consistent and follow through. 5 is a tough age. My oldest is 5, and he too can be difficult at times. Hang in there, and good luck.

NEVER strike your children. You'd just be teaching them that violence is a legitimate way to solve problems. Bad parents are worse than no parents. Case in point: Ronnie Paris Sr. He murdered his own son. Want children to enjoy reading? Simple solution - buy them an adventure game or RPG. Sport will only make them miserable, especially if they have no natural talent for it. Force children to do something they hate, and they will consider it work. They will want compensation (and more importantly, they will DESERVE it). It will also make them feel like they're being punished for no reason. Corporal punishment can hurt children emotionally as well as physically. This is amplified if they are not given a reason other than "I said so." Furthermore, NEVER break a promise and use the "I didn't lie! I just changed my mind!" excuse.