WAITING TO BE PICKED. - FamilyEducation
07/29/2008 at 20:39 PM

hello all just wanted to post a little something..was stumbling through the internet tonight to see if there are any discussions on the feelings families go through while waiting to be matched.

we have been going through the adoption process now for about a year and a half. with paperwork, finding an agency, etc..

the waiting period now i think is the hardest part. not knowing a time, the costs involved exactly, and what is gonna happen makes me so worried and scared..

i so want to be a mom now and not have to go through this grueling process..


if anyone is a waiting family like us, please give me some insights how to make it easier to get through this time. i know its all worth it in the end, until then i have to stay positive...


hope to hear from someone...


i don't now where you are coming from, but i do know this my husband is always telling me that good things go to those who wait... well i'm still waiting to be debt free i don't think that its going to happen anytime soon but you know how that is. i do wish you the best luck i have some friends that are also looking to adopt. they are in the getting the money together part... she is such a great person and would make a great mom. just keep that in mind... when you do become a parent you will be the best at it. you are going through something that many of us don't have to go through and in the end you will be a stronger person and a much stronger parent... good luck with everything and i do wish you the best memories to come when that day does get here.

We're not going through this process, but we have friends that recently just started the adoption process and we just wrote them a letter of recommendation. They are very optimistic, and I'm nervous for them with all the unknowns you mentioned. I just wanted to wish you luck, and hope that you get picked soon! I hope your call is right around the corner and that all goes well.

WE are going throught the same thing. We have been waiting to be picked for nine months and I feel like I'm having anxiety attacks over it. I start to feel that no one will pick us and then I start to feel that something is wrong with us. I struggle. I could wait for the baby to be born but not knowing when we will get picked is awful. So, I know what you are going through. Tina

Hang in there, it must be so tough wating like that. I just wanted to say God bless you for puting yourself out there to be a mommy to an unwanted child!! There are so many it surprises me that you have to wait at all. Of course, im am completely ignorant to the adoption process, but it just seems like there are so many unwanted children that it would be much easier?

This story had a very sad ending. My sister and brother in law went through the adoption process. They had to give $20,000, which they did and had the home visits, the letters from friends and relatives etc... Less then a year later they were matched! The birth mother stayed in contact with them and called frequently about needing money for rent, food and medical bills. Since they were told by the agency that all monies are to go through the agency, they placed several calls to make sure the birth mother was taken care of. This birth mother kept calling and saying, "that's your baby". Of course they were so excited. The baby was born in early June. They received the call to fly down south immediately. They did. They got to the hospital and were brought right in with the birth mother. They met her face to face for the first time. She kept telling them how thrilled she was that they were there. The agency sent someone to be there as well. My sister was told to go and purchase a car seat, clothes, diapers and other items. She called us all excited, after waiting so long it was happening. They were going to be parents! The baby was born and the birth mother told the doctor that since this baby was going to be my sister's that she wanted her to be the first to hold him. My sister held him and was overwhelmed with emotions. Later that evening the birth mother asked a nurse to bring the baby in. She held the baby for a while. My sister was to go back to the hospital in the AM to get the baby and bring him to their hotel. They headed to the nursery and once they got there they were told that they couldn't see the baby, The mother had a change of heart. I will NEVER forget for as long as I live the pain I heard when she called us. My heart was broken. They flew back home and really couldn't see anyone or speak to anyone. They once again were picked by a birth mother same deal. 2 adoptions where they gave all they could and the birth mother decided they couldn't part with their babies. So please if you are considering adoption be careful because not all adoptions have happy endings. I say look for the best but also expect the worse. They lost most of the money that they gave the agency. All they ended up with was a broken heart. They are not sure that they would do it again. I know that it is very difficult for any parent to give up a child. It all makes so much sense at first, once they see the baby it is harder to say goodbye.

We hope to adopt too! But now we are still waiting...the problem we are a older couple...with little money...I was laid off a year ago...along with 18 other teachers...so our money situation changed...I am afraid we have been passed up once again...we even moved out of state...may need to re apply...hang in there...waiting...sometimes is necessary.

Like you, my husband and I wanted to adopt mainly because I cannot have my own children. However, due to his age (he's 24 years older than I am), no one would adopt to us. I was heartbroken. We could not afford over-seas or surrogacy. We were beginning to resign ourselves to the fact that we wouldn't have children. That was horrible, so I know what you're feeling. Then we met my husband's neice, who was in a desperate situation (homeless, had 2 girls already, only 20years). So she agreed to allow us to adopt. We were very fearful that she would change her mind, so we had to focus on the simple fact that it was, to us, a religious experience and, as such, needed to remain one--no matter the outcome. There is much peace in following that path. She hesitated, but she did sign, and we now have our beautiful son. Keep the faith. All things for a reason. We never would have met the birthmom or our son if I could have had kids and/or adopted.

and his timing... Sorry its been a hetic month...and I didn't check my posts... Hope you had happy holidays... We found an adoption agency but now its money...so we sit again...thanks for giving me hope...hugs! donna

I would say that your feelings are the same as those of a birth mother. After all, I had to wait for nine months to get my child (not including 'trying to conceive' time), and every day seemed like a week sometimes. Especially the last days when the baby was overdue. It seems as though becoming a parent and waiting are meant to be together. And there is a child who is also waiting to find you, don't forget. So you already have something in common with him/her. :)

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I know friends that are going through this and it's tough -- good luck.