Open adoption
01/28/2009 at 10:23 AM

It seems that every time I read about the "pros and cons" of open adoption all the talk is about the birth mother and the adoptive couple. What about the rest of the family involved; grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. If the adoption involves a newborn, perhaps the extended family hasn't gotten to him/her yet. But what about a child that has been in foster care and gets adopted? If it's a closed adoption and nothing is set up ahead of time with the Department of Child and Family Services, the extended family may never see the child again until they are 18. Adoptive parents seem the think they have to "rescue" the child from "that family." Just because the parents made a mistake or just cannot parent, doesn't mean the whole family is at fault. I believe that in whatever way possible a child should have contact with his/her family. That way they can know their heritage, little family stories and traditions. The child doesn't have to wonder.

I agree w/ what you're saying, but I believe it's the right of the 2 parties (the birth parents and the adoptive parents) to make that decision. If an agreement can't be made, then the adoption shldn't take place. Finding the right match can be tough, but I'm sure the birth parents don't take the decision lightly (in most cases, anyway).
If I was giving up a child for adoption, I probably wld want an open adoption, but then again I've never been in that position, so I can't really say for sure. Everyone's situation is different. As far as the extended family goes, I feel for them. Unfortunately, though, unless they're adopting the child, they don't really have a say in the process. I can understand this. It's not their decision to make.
In my opinion, I think a lot of adoptive families are afraid of open adoption. There's always that chance that the birth mother can change her mind, or otherwise interfere later on when the adoptive family wants to be left alone. I'm sure they want what's best for their child, but they may feel the birth parents cld cause confusion in the child's life.
The real question here is what is best for the child, and also why doesn't the child have rights to a say in the matter? I had a friend growing up who was adopted, and she always wondered who her birth parents were. I haven't seen her in yrs, but I often wonder if she ever tried to locate her bio family.
There's so many emotions involved and so many things to consider. Regardless, the law is the law, so whatever the families' decision, it shld be made carefully. As for the other family members, the law isn't always fair, but it is the law.


I have adopted two children at birth. They are now 12 and 14. One is closed and the other open. My son (open) has had a lot of psychological issues concerning being given up by bio parents. My daughter (closed) has not had any issues what so ever concerning adoption. She has never asked about her bio parents. They are both black and our bio family is white. That has not been an issue at all to either children or our bio children. We love them just the same as our bio children. There is no difference as to how we feel about them.
I believe open adoption is about the birth parent feeling better and NOT about the child. In my educated opinion; closed adoption is FAR better for the child than open adoption.


Third party wants should never supersede the rights of the parents, natural or adoptive.