Most of us eventually get the point and our kids are done no permanent harm when we get out of synch in the search for the right amount of stimulation for our child. However, extreme, sustained, and uncorrected deafness to signals of "enough" can convince our kids that what they have to say here is not worth listening to, and they have lost the power to get heard and feel known. Dropout is not far behind. So keep your ears and eyes open. Our kids can't figure this out alone, and neither can we.

Let's take a look at what quitting can look like at different developmental stages.

The young child who is being played with too hard, been passed around to too many strangers (even if they are family), or has had one too many flashcards or videos shoved under his nose might simply start to cry, but tears are usually preceded by other signs of exasperation. Warning signs such as the infant's arching her back, turning away, closing her eyes, the toddler's squirming away, or avoiding eye contact can all serve as avoidant "leave me alone, I've had it" behaviors. Once language comes on the scene, this gets easier to tell, but with the young children it still bears careful watching because most of the signs of being overstimulated are more physical than verbal.

The pressure on parents to get their kids ready to succeed at school makes this time period a tough one. Kids are innately interested in other people, language, emotions, movement, etc. They will often say, "I love this," or "I want to do that" and the parent feels he/she should lovingly provide accordingly. But the signs of over-doing it here are different than for younger kids. If your child never asks or seeks out any remotely related activity to the one you have elected to sponsor, be it artistic, athletic, or academic, he is telling you that he is not on board this train. Forcing extra "reading," dragging to puppet theaters, or signing up for kickboxing lessons are probably overkill if your child NEVER asks, does not talk about the activity with friends or family, does not visibly respond with pleasure and enthusiasm, and complains when it's time to saddle up. You need to examine why YOU are pitching this particular activity so hard and go back to listening to your child. Maybe you're the one who would like to take kickboxing.

By now, your kids can readily let you know when you are overdoing the more-is-better routine. Although skill mastery brings great pleasure in this era, it's more satisfactory when parents play supportive instead of leading roles here. Studies of musical prodigies tell us that the drive to create at exceptional levels must originate internally if it is to survive puberty. Parents help most by shaping a supportive and expectant environment that keeps the piano tuned and the teacher paid, but the passion has to be the kid's or it burns out. On a more mundane scale, this plan works best for the rest of us as well. Parents can often make the greatest contribution to managing the overstimulation problem in adulthood by helping kids find balance now between the things that really turn them on and the things that really turn them off. Being turned on is not the ultimate goal of human experience -- being connected to other people might be. This is their and your last chance to get it right before adolescence.