Q: My nine-year-old daughter started to ask me about the recent office shootings, then stopped. Instead, she said, "Oh forget it. This stuff happens all the time."

What can I say to her? Is the world becoming more violent? Is she becoming desensitized? I want her to care, but I don't want her to be scared.

A: It's very painful and frightening to think about any tragedy in depth. Your daughter may be trying to lessen her own sense of vulnerability. In this kind of unpredictable incident, everyone is at risk -- and that is a terrifying thought.

The tragedy at Littleton and others like it were very disturbing, especially to students. When I first heard about a massacre in Atlanta, I thought, "Is it another school shooting?" In the same way, a child might use a certain level of denial to protect herself from experiencing the same pain and emotions she felt after hearing about a tragedy.

Remember that a certain amount of denial is protective. Without forcing your child to feel more than she can manage, it may be helpful to say something like, "I know these things seem to be happening all the time, but it's still really scary. It still scares me. I wish this kind of thing didn't happen because so many people lose their lives."

It is not helpful to tear down a child's defenses, so pushing a child to acknowledge the horror can make her feel that she herself isn't safe, and that can never really be safe anywhere. However, if you feel that she is hiding her feelings behind this flip response, you should talk about this later, or even the next day. Ask her: "Were you upset by the shooting? How do you feel about it?"

What You Can Do

Try to remember what your child's reaction was to a recent tragedy. This will will give you a clue as to how she might be feeling inside. If these events were upsetting to her, and possibly caused nightmares or other disturbances, another tragedy might rewaken those feelings. She could, in fact, be becoming desensitized to these tragedies. When things happen frequently they can begin to feel normal.

Your daughter may be experiencing burnout, or "compassion fatigue." It's simply too tiring for her to tolerate all the pain that there is in the world. On the other hand, even if your daughter seems to be losing her concern about these real-life violent events, you shouldn't miss the opportunity to advocate for violence prevention.

You need to reinforce the belief that violence is an awful thing, that it's tragic when people get killed, and that we need to work to create a less violent world. We must be concerned about keeping guns out of the hands of troubled and criminal individuals. Concerned citizens must advocate for appropriate gun control measures. Your daughter needs to understand that peaceful conflict resolution is very important, and that we have to live non-violent lives in order to prevent these incidents -- which destroy the quality of our lives.