"Mommy, is this in Kosovo?" eight-year-old Sarah asks as she looks at newspaper pictures of a bloodied victim hanging from a Littleton, Colorado, high-school window.

"No," you answer sadly. "It's in the United States."

"I thought you said we were safe here," she says.

WHAT TO SAY
We can reassure our children that we're probably safe from bombing, but how do we reassure them about random acts of violence? It is likely that most children over the age of eight are going to know something about the tragedy in Littleton, Colorado. They can read newspapers themselves; they may see horrible images on the news, and they may hear about it from their friends.

It's only through talking with them that we can understand their particular concerns, clarify their misconceptions, and provide them with support and guidance. Here are a few examples of what you might say.

Something really terrible happened in the United States yesterday, I wonder if you know anything about it?
Asking children to tell you what they know about the situation is a good way to start this difficult conversation. Begin with the things they know and then clear up any misconceptions.

It's sad and scary, isn't it?
Give children the words they need to identify their emotions in response to media coverage of the shooting.

I feel awful for those students and their families.
Let children experience your strong feelings for the victims. Compassion is an essential quality in a well functioning human being.

We don't have all of the facts yet, but there is no good reason for those kids to be killing anyone.
Rumors are flying thick and fast about the shootings. Help your children distinguish between what is fact and what is, potentially, fiction. At the same time, let them know that there is no justification for this kind of violence.

This is not likely to happen in your school.
Kids need to be reassured that they are safe. In fact, this kind of violence is not likely to occur at most schools. Talk with them about things that you and your community are doing to keep schools safe.

If someone you know talks a lot about violence or threatens violence to herself or others, tell an adult who you trust about it.
Even at this age, children need to be encouraged to take the behavior of their peers seriously and report suggestions or threats of violence.

Let's keep talking about this.
Talking with children, listening to their concerns, and respecting their opinions will help them feel comforted and reassured through this tragedy. Beginning these conversations at an early age, and continuing them through adolescence is also an important step toward preventing the kind of isolation, alienation, and hatred that can lead -- at its most extreme -- to terrible, violent acts.

I don't know exactly why this happened, but here are some things that worry me about the situation.
Talk honestly with children about your concerns about society, whether they have to do with gun control, media violence, or how kids treat each other in school. Ask them their opinions about what is going on in the world.

Dressing in black or wearing black raincoats does not make someone violent.
Because there is so much media emphasis on the black trench coats worn by the kids who did this shooting, kids may begin to look suspiciously at people whose styles of dress are different from the norm. It's important to help them understand that dressing in unusual ways, in and of itself, is not a bad thing.

It's okay to be different.
While the kids who did the shooting are described as "outcasts," it's important for children to understand that being different can be a good thing -- as long as the "difference" does not involve hatred or violence. It's important for kids to value, or at least be tolerant of, people who deviate from social norms.

CONVERSATION TIPS
Older elementary school kids may have questions and concerns about the details of the killings and about motivations. Try to talk honestly with them. At the same time, remember that younger children may still have trouble grasping the situation's complexity and ambiguity.

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